Season Nine Premiere--(night 1 of 3)

Welcome back my fine friends!!! Season 9 is here and of course ABC is gonna drag this out for 3 nights. Oh brother. Here is a thought--how about we don't start with 40 couples off the bat? hmmmm??? If we started with 10 couples we could probably get to every couple and still finish in 1 hour. I love this show but 2 hours for 3 nights???...is just darn ridiculous.

But anyway...when I heard that the women and Macy Gray (I'm not quite certain she's a woman yet) would be dancing Tuesday night, I almost turned the TV off. If Maks is not performing then I might as well call it a night--so with eyes rolling, some grumbling under my breath and while reaching for the remote to hit the OFF button--- I hear the music, I see the flashing lights and of course they hooked me in. More specifically..I saw that my precious Maksy and his back up dancers were descending to that shiny dance floor---My heart started beating and my eyes were fixed on him. No need for the remote except for maybe to hit pause on guess who??---(okay Linda...wipe the drool and move on already. You'll have to excuse me...he is single again. Who didn't see that coming??)

General Observations:
1. Is Samantha pregnant?? Never in my life have I wanted to hear that announcement made about someone. Just think of it...Samantha pregnant=MATERNITY LEAVE which in turn = a very nice break for the viewers.
2. Do any of you have any idea how much joy it brought me to see Cheryl paired with Tom?? Hysterical. She needed a good kick off her pedestal from last seasons very touchy grabby love fest with the gypsy Gilles. Take that you hussy!
3. Good grief Kathy Ireland...could you move any slower coming down those stairs? Was she using a cane? I know the stairs have proven to be slippery but come on! I'm aging here!
4. I can't stand that so-called model Joanna. Probably because she looks like Karrrrrina! Both trash.
5. Macy Gray---tame the Afro baby...I can't see your partner (oh who cares...it's only Jonathan). I can't wait to see her perform. If it's anything like her singing performances...we're in for a treat! A real treat!
6. Nice dye job Bruno...I believe you are more of a walnut dream rather than blackest black.

Now on to the dancers.

1. Aaron and Karina-
Okay Aaron..newsflash...you're white!
You had a hit record at 8 years old? Really? I highly doubt that! Your only real claim to fame is being one of the Backstreet Boys' kid brother. Get over yourself. Antother thing what's with Carrie Ann saying , "My, my Aaron...you're all grown up" Hands off you cougar---I don't think he's legal yet. And finally... Any moron that calls Karina a hottie or an ideal coach because she's beautiful---is officially on my "You disgust me list"

2. Anna and Chuck-
I just want to say that I'm pretty certain he was picturing Anna as that big blue punching bag he uses during workouts. Because while dancing he tried his little heart out to smile but instead just looked constipated. A real pity. And it didn't appear that Anna appreciated the very poetic Samantha calling her a "thing"--She's still the idiot I remember.

3. Edyta and Ashley-
He's a comedian? Yeah...sure. and I'm a politician! Boy oh boy did Orange Hamilton look bad or what? I didn't think it was possible to get more orange but some how he managed. Keep it up and you'll lose that signature mole of yours. Anyway...it's pure music to my ears, hearing Edyta say, "Pooosh poosh"-- that accent kills me every time! I'm a tad surprised he got a 4 and Mo"huck" Chuck got a 6. Come on!

4. Donny and Kym--
One word---ANNOYING! That fool manages to annoy me the first second he's on. He gets no "puppy love" from me. His new name is Donnoy---cause he Donnoys the crap out of me! Already with the shenanigans---running across the floor, making those stupid "performance faces"--Get ready folks...we're in for a very very long season! I do love that the judges called him out on being a little too "showy"---a little? Paahlese! Oh and I get it...Marie is gonna be in the audience...no need to show her every 2 minutes.

5. Louie and Chelsea-
Holy moly---Willy Wonka's umpalumpas called and want to know when you'll be back at the candy factory??? (I know that was mean...but something is just not right there!) And if you had any doubt about what's really going on there...his circus tricks proved it!.. Yes, I'm mean...but who cares, you guys all eat it up. I say the things you'd never say yourselves, right?...Bruno HOWEVER--has no right to call him "a cute dancing hobbit"---Oh really...now there is the smurf calling the hobbit short...At least Umpa"louie"mpa is cute and clever...unlike you...

6. Michael and newbie Anna-
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

7. Tom and Cheryl-
Pure joy...it's just so fitting that she get paired with him. I love my little conservatives!

8. Mark and Lacey-
I literally almost forgot them. So that shows you I'm not very interested in these two. Lacey the self proclaimed rebel looked a little thick to me (sorry but had to say it) and finally when Carrie Ann said she's happy that the Asians are being represented...I practically puked. Uhhhh hello...what about Kristi Yamaguchi???You weren't so thrilled then. What? You're only happy when the MALE asians represent? How about I Kung Fu fight your face in!

Dancing Relays...
Just make the show 1 hr and 30 min.---okay???

Looking forward to Maks...errr...I mean the ladies dancing tonight. Until then...

Keep Dancing.
Len-da Isa-ba---

Season 9 Cast revealed...anyone else scratching their head??

Well folks--it's been a long long long time since I've checked in on the "official" Dancing with the Semi-Stars blog and as you can tell. I've completedly revamped the site. It now is called---Dancing with anyone who says, "Sure I'll do it"

I've been toying with the idea of completely skipping this season. I'm so disappointed in the contestants (they will not be called stars! EVER!)

But because I do have my own little following now...I can't disappoint the readers!

Let's get to the couples.

Mya, singer, and Dmitri Chaplin---I love how they have to tell us, she's a singer.

Melissa Joan Hart, actress, and reigning DWTS champ Mark Ballas- Sabrina the teenage witch??? What's going on here? When did ABC become KCAL 9 or channel 13--(reject channels) I mean really???

Michael Irvin, former Dallas Cowboy, and Anna Demidova- Don't know who they are...and don't care.

Ashley Hamilton, actor, comedian, singer-songwriter, and Edyta Sliwinska- Apparently, Ashley is a man. Good to know.

Aaron Carter, singer, and Karina Smirnoff-Great---just great. My arch-nemisis gets paired with a young wannabe (his brother was in Backstreet Boys--a fine boy band if I do say so myself!) The youngens...typically stay on long. I can't stand to see her smug face as she reminds me she's marrying my boyfriend.

Kathy Ireland, former supermodel-turned-businesswoman, and Tony Dovolani--"former model turned business woman" Is that code for ---I used to look good but now I don't? I haven't seen Kathy in a while and she is a beautiful lady---but that introduction really makes me expect the worst.

Debi Mazar, actress, and Maksim Chmerkovskiy--How dare they put the champion of the show Superstars with Debi Mazar....who is Debi Mazar?? If it's who I think it is...I'm not impressed. He's a champion and he needs a champion by his side. I'm available baby! (Athough I haven't actually been declared champion of anything)

Natalie Coughlin, U.S. Olympic swimmer, and season 1 champ Alec Mazo--Season 1 Champ??? Oh brother...let it go already. No one watched season 1 okay!! Just call him the football head who's married to Edyta "Legs" Sliwinska.

Louie Vito, snowboarder, and Chesie Hightower--I remember Chelsie and I even liked her a lot but Louie Vito??? Who's he? Do you think he's Italian?? heh heh heh

Chuck Liddell, ultimate fighting champ, and Anna Trebunskaya--Oh no...Anna's back? I hate ultimate fighting anything...this should be intersting. She's can get quite nasty with her partners---but Chuck might just pop her one in the mouth to give her a reality check.

Donny Osmond, singer, and Kym Johnson--This makes me sick. That means...we'll be seeing Marie ALL THE TIME. I couldn't handle her the season she was on...and I know I won't be able to handle her now...I'm sure she'll plug nutrisystem and credit that for losing her 50 pounds. Oh go make a doll or something and stay away!

Tom DeLay, former congressman, and two-time Dancing champ Cheryl Burke--I'm over Cheryl and her slutty outfits.

Macy Gray, singer, and Jonathan Roberts--This is a beautiful pairing. JUST beautiful. Macy Gray is crazy and Jonathan has already been partnered with Marie Osmond--so he knows crazy!

Joanna Krupa, model and actress, and season 7 champ Derek Hough--Ladies...Derek is now officially on the market again. (Ewwwwww) oh and is this the same Joanna that was on Superstars with T.O.??? If so...what are they thinking? She's awful.

Mark Dacascos, Iron Chef personality, and Lacey Schwimmer--Let's see if she keeps up her antics for a third year.

Kelly Osbourne, reality star, and Louis Van Amstel--Oh dear. Oh ..oh...dear!

So dear friends and readers---as you can see, I'm really considering not continuing the reviews for this season. Between the horrible cast and SaMANtha---how can I possibly survive???

Sooo---who's watching?

The biggest shocker...

Hey guys...
By now we all know that Shawn Johnson took the trophy ball! I must say I was shocked at 2 things...

1. That she beat out the gypsy gigalo Gilles and
2. That they managed to make a results show 3 hours long. Of course I didn't watch it all.

Anyway, that ends this season of DWTS and this season of My Reviews and News...
Until next season...I bid you all a fine farewell.

On a different note, I'd like to give you all an update on my Maksy
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20280046,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

Once you finish the article--my following comments will make much more sense.
First off...do any of Maks's shirts have buttons?
Second, when my boyfriend proposed to me---I couldn't wait to be Mrs. Isai---the fact that they are in no rush...proves how this won't last.
Third and finally---Maks is going to be in an athletic reality show...woo hoo...count me in!

Finally---The Finals!

Sorry guys...but I'm so ready for this season to end. I think they started with entirely too many couples. I'm exhausted. Also, this is the first season I didn't vote. That tells you right there...I'm over it!

I realize that I never reviewed last week's show...here's another shocker...I didn't watch it.

I did watch last night's episode and I was thrilled beyond thrilled to see that it was only 1 hour long.

So here we go...
How absolutely stupid and ridiculous was that bit including Len calling Carrie Ann (who was casually having a salad---BY HERSELF) and Bruno (Speedo City---ewwww---let's keep it covered shall we??) Anyway, back to the craziness. That was so scripted and so poorly acted.

Once that time filler was over and we had the combo dance off---we had other craziness present. Bruno takes the prize for most orange, Melissa takes the prize for the glow in the dark teeth--wait not just glow in the dark...more like beaming in the abyss, and Gilles takes the prize for the biggest gypsy we've ever had on this show.

I'd like to pause here to address a common misconception---Romanians are not gypsies. Gypsies are simply put...GYPSIES---they are a nation without a land. Nomads, wanderers...that sort of thing. They are commonly found in Europe and I guess the king...set up the official camp in beautiful Romania years and years ago. So--with that said...my mother (a very sassy and quite funny woman) pointed out to me just a few weeks ago that Gilles is not a Frenchman...He is 100% prime gypsy meat. You know what??? I totally believe her. Grab your purses and hold on to your wallets cause Gillespy is heading in for the kill. AND---AND---if there was any doubt whether or not he is indeed a gypsy like my mother claims---that costume was proof enough for me. If you'd like more information on Gypsies... please visit this site at your own leisure. http://www.geocities.com/~patrin/history.htm Okay enough about that...

The group dance was okay---the singers did an awful job. Melissa messed up quite a few times, Gilles was practically leaving a trail of oil from his hair and Shawn was just okay. I was shocked and disgusted when Melissa---who let me remind you---messed up and they all said it...got two 10's?? Uh...since when is does a mess up equal perfection---since the show allowed gypsies on it apparently. Okay...okay I'll drop the gypsy thing.

I know I've threatened this before...but the show is this close to me shutting it off forever. (who am I kidding?)

Don't you all just love how Carrie Ann says this is her favorite season of all times...EVERY SEASON. Oh stop your lies, Woman!

Now the moment we all wait for...THE FREESTYLE---
Shawn and Mark---(quick little note....I missed Apollo---that was a good season) It was by far my favorite dance of last night. It was high energy, creative, there were smooth transitions, and they seemed very much in sync.

Melissa and Tony--Wow Tony...was that shirt painted on? Holy Cazow Batman! I have to agree with judges...although it was better than other freestyles I've seen on the many seasons of this show...it wasn't the best.

Gilles and Cheryl---"I need to be on you"---that direct quote from slutsville Cheryl sums up the entire season for them. Here's another one that I came up with to accurately describe this combo. "Would you like a room?"---DISGUSTING.

1 more thing...did I fast forward or was last night the first night that horrid singer with the head dresses not make her way into the camera shot?? What a way to end the season!

So my final prediction is that Gilles wins the trophy. I'm not happy about this at all. At this point...please let it be Shawn---but honestly, I don't' really care---you'll be lucky if I even watch it.

Signing off--
Len-da

Is it the quarterfinals?

Well, as always...I'll get right into it with some general observations. I know we've discussed the ridiculous spray tans before but you know we've reached a whole new level of ridiculous when Len Goodman gets down and gets orange. My word! Every single line in his face is now magnified where the spray tan settles and clumps. Tsk tsk tsk Lenny boy...you caved! How disappointing!

Samantha has reached a whole new level of skinny. I guess she's worried they won't renew her contract so she's working out extra hard to be thin and stylish. Well, missy---if you do get your contract renewed I'LL BE SHOCKED!

THE SHOW IS NOW BACK TO 2 HOURS?!?! Oh brother, so much filler last night. We all know the results show is nothing but filler and that's annoying enough but the performance show does not need to be 2 hours now---we have 5 couples left. 5!!! We can easily get this thing down to 1 hour!

Now on to the dancing part of the show---(filler schmiller with the pros doing 2 group dances.) They were very good and always entertaining but it's really unnecessary. Those 2 segments alone were like 20 minutes! You know what else is unnecessary??? The 3 judges telling America what the remaining dancers need to work on. WE KNOW---you tell us after every single dance what you like and what you don't like!!! Geez Louise. Can we say overkill?

Shawn and Mark-
Mark needs to settle down some and stop out dancing Shawn. They look so unbalanced. She's wayyyy too precise and gym"mechanical"nastics---It seriously looks like a floor routine in heels. She's a sweet girl and a hard worker but she doesn't look natural out there. Her first dance was okay, but I personally liked the second one better. I think the Paso Doble suits her mechanical dance style. However, did anyone else miss her solo?---Solo??? What solo? It must have been pretty unimpressive for me to not even notice.

Ty and Chelsie
What in the world was that clip of Ty in a leopard bathrobe doing on this show??? That was so unnatural. Do you really think Ty the BULL rider wears a big plush leopard print bathrobe right before he goes to bed? I DON'T THINK SO FOLKS! That was the most ridiculous bit EVER. Then they show Jewel putting her hands on his shoulders and asking him, "Honey, are you coming to bed?" Oh pah-lese!!! Who the heck do you think you're fooling? HOG WASH! I really do like Chelsie and I just can't believe she hasn't annoyed me once. That's near impossible to do. Now on to Ty's second dance....that was a Rumba??? How? That looked nothing like a Rumba---where was the seduction?, the romance?, the dance of love??? NOT THERE! Ty really did suck something fierce in that dance but I just loved that ending. Jewel was busting up and rightfully so. That was too funny and too cute. I also loved that he hopes that ending will pay dividends later on. He doesn't miss a beat. (Samantha...take some lessons from Ty---even he's got better interviewing skills!)--Last but not least--second dance had some major boob grabs by Ty!---MAJOR!

Big head Kim and Derek--
Why the big surprise that Kim can't do ballroom? There is nothing classy and elegant about her! Duh! That song they had to dance to, my goodness that singer sounded awful. Voice cracking, off key issues---oooooo it was bad. As for Bruno and his opinions of Little Kim---well, I think it's best he tell you himself... (don't forget---pause the music down below---before hitting play)

You'll have to pardon my horrific look---I literally threw my costume together in minutes. I know my videos have been missed, especially by my little niece who thinks I'm her silliest Aunt. I can't disappoint her! So enjoy Amanda...that's all for you!

Back to Bruno's very harsh comment of calling her a tramp---notice the only other person clapping (besides Little Kim) was Marlee Matlin---she must have misread his lips and thought he said something like..."You try to be a lady but you're more comfortable as a lamp." That's the only explanation , I can think of as to why Marlee would be clapping. Even I think Bruno took it a little too far. He's so full of it...blaming the blunder on his comment being lost in translation. YEAH RIGHT! You better watch your back Buttface-runo Little Kim's got some BIG friends in the audience who have her bionic back! It was nice to see Lil body, big head Kim realize she got insulted while she was back stage---it's about time you get a clue and realize calling you raunchy and bitchy is not a compliment!---she looked seriously bummed--oh well, she's lived through harder times...she'll get through this, too.

Cheryl "Boobs" Burke and Gilles--They know they are good and they are, but I just don't want Cheryl to win. She's really annoyed me this season and if I have to see that black and purple zip up warm up suit outfit during her rehearsals ONE MORE WEEK---I'll die! Notice, when Gilles mentioned back stage that the two of them have such a good vibe between them and Samantha said, "Yeah, we all know that!"---oooo man oh man...Cheryl did not like that comment one bit! The truth hurts, huh? The second dance was a little too much. I know Cheryl's been waiting all season to do this dance with him and I'm thrilled---just thrilled--it didn't turn out as they expected. The song---"Sexual Healing"---really? The rolling around on the floor?? Wow---that's not breaking any ballroom dance rules or rules of commitment, trust and marriage for that matter. Honestly, the way those 2 carry on...I'm just sick over it! Did I mention the lips touching at the end?? I'm done...DONE DONE DONE! you HOMEWRECKER!!! okay, now I'm done!

Tony and Injured Melissa (injured my foot!) she looked fine to me! She had a bad night as far as costumes were concerned. Her first outfit--what's the point in wearing a skirt if it's gonna be sheer? I could see her tighty whities! I also just love how she keeps touching her ribs to remind us all that she's injured. WHATEVER! As you know, I'm not the biggest fan of hers but I do like Tony and I think it's time he wins! The second dance...well you all saw it...her boob was hanging out of her sequence bra. I was dying---she was dying...AMERICA WAS DYING!!! I even noticed Carrie Ann sneaking a peek at her peak at the ending. I think Len needed some medication for sure on that one! Carrie Ann called that dance flawless (and it was good--for a busted rib and all-ha ha ha) but here's something Melissa can work on for next week---how about getting a costume that fits! So there!!!

Last but not least---I think Little Kim should give some of her big head to Mayo---that professional has got one ridiculously small head for that body of his. If he wins---I'll have so much to say about that next season! Oh dear! My mind is just spinning thinking about it. When Lisa "Big lips" Rhinna said, "I just hope I make Mayo look good!" My first thought was, IMPOSSIBLE"---not matter how good you dance---he'll still have that fist size head. (I'm such a jerk!)

Well folks, that's all she wrote...

Keep Dancing,

Len-da

A day late and a dollar short---

Okay guys...sorry again for my late reviews. Maybe if this gig came along with a paycheck I wouldn't be so negligent. Anyway, I was a sickly girl yesterday and pretty much slept all day. Don't worry folks it wasn't the swine flu---although my mother was convinced it was. We'll save that story for another day---on to the review.

We'll start with that gal that was missing in action--Melissa. I only want to say one thing about her...those Capri jeans she was wearing in rehearsals---hmmm---could they get any lower? I feared we'd see some curlies any minute. (pardon the crudeness...I'm still not all better and my mind is a tad fuzzy.) I couldn't believe Tony Dovoloni was almost crying during the interview with Samantha---normally I would say Samantha is so bad she made Tony cry--but this time I fear he wants the title so bad that he's going for the pity vote. Poor Tony---perhaps it's time he wins.

Little Kim--Last week she jumped up and down when Bruno called her ranchy (raunchy) this week she squeals with delight when he yells, "The bitch is back!!!" What is wrong with this deformed girl? I guess in prison that's what you long to hear...that you're a bitch?? No wonder my innocent ears can't comprehend it. She's a great dancer but it just doesn't seem right that Little Kim should be our next champ...sorry...but no.

Gilles---Has there been one episode where Gilles hasn't had his shirt off? Oh come on...I'm so over it. Do I really need to see the Dr. give you a cortisone shot in your shoulder with your shirt off, of course? No...what I do need to see is you dropping Cheryl on her head more often. That was pure entertainment. I'm sure Gilles was just distracted by your boobs coming out of your track suit!

Shawn--there is no way that girl is 17. She looks 40! Goodness. Judges--for the last time it is not appropriate for you to be saying how sexy Shawn is becoming and that she's now a little vixen when her mommy and daddy are in the audience. The girl is not even old enough to vote folks...let's not rob her of all her innocence okay? In my opinion, Shawn doesn't look natural out there. All her moves are way to precise and not fluid. She looks like she's just following a gymnastics floor routine. She goes from one move to the next and she looks way to mechanical. I know she's America's sweetheart but I must report the truth. I think Mark way out dances her, too.

Ty--That fool's got a six pack? Wow...who knew? I think he is so hysterical. I would love it if he won. He's so southern and his sense of humor is so dry and it just makes me laugh. I thought he did very well in both styles of dance. I definitely think he deserves to stay longer than Shawn and Chuck (yes I said it...and as well all know by now...he did make it longer than Chuck!) I loved the spray tan business. I also love the friendship between him and Chelsie. He's got my vote!

Chuck--Well, we all know his fate by now...but it's okay. He and Julianne are still a couple...for now...and well, he did improve in the last few weeks. I don't know if I'm too bummed he left. My prediction streak is officially over and that's okay. I'm too busy now--- writing reviews! This is the first season I haven't voted---perhaps that has something to do with my pick not winning. Does Len-da Isaba really have that much power???

The group dances---I liked them both. I knew the stripping down at the end of Team Mambo's dance wouldn't go to well with the judges---when will these people ever learn? I didn't think Team Tango deserved a 10 when Little Kim--big head--big butt had such an obvious mess up! Stupid, unfair, already have their favorites picked Judges!

Well, I guess that about covers it. Oh---one last thing about Samantha---I just love it when she asks the cast questions and then immediately cuts them off. What a tool. Notice how when she starts to speak the audience starts to get very loud and crazy---I think they are trying to tune her out! Either that---or the execs are turning off her prop mic. ha ha ha

Keep Dancing
Len-da

The latest review EVER!!!--so sorry!

Okay so I'll make this really quick because I'm sure more than half of you forgot what you saw last Monday on DWTS.

1. Chuck's boob grab was hysterical. I know a few of you gave me the heads up about it but I didn't imagine it would be soooo obvious and so soon in the dance. Good grief buddy---take a cold shower!

2. Samantha's blue dress looked awful on her...this brought be much pleasure!

3. The synchronized swimming scene with Gilles was ridiculous! I would be so humiliated if I had to get in that very loud and unflattering one piece bathing suit and then try to dance under water with Gilles. He's so thin that he would make anyone look humongo! EMBARRASSING!---Chery do us all a favor and zip up that hoodie you always wear. I don't need to see it...and neither does the married man who happens to be your partner.

4. LT put me to sleep yet again!!! So glad he's gone. In fact, I think the happiest I've seen him all season was when they told him he's done with the show! One more thing about LT---that group dance was funny, although what a poor sport. Just do the silly moves and stop the whining! I noticed he was the only one who didn't do the mini me signature pinky to the lip thing at the end...he had a peace sign held up to his lips instead...I was dying! Perhaps he should have been paying more attention during rehearsal and complained less about how stupid they looked.

5. Little Kim is the only woman who would take Bruno calling her raunchy as a compliment! Idiot. I can't stand her head. It looks like someone took a bicycle pump to her head and inflated only the top half.

6. Ty is still so funny and sweet but I fear his days are numbered. He can't do any of the Latin dances and that's appearing to be a problem. Too bad...but I did love their signature move during the group dance. Her as the bucking bronco and him as the rider. Funny stuff.

7. Tony and Melissa---I'm over her injuries...she came to the show with a broken heart (cry me a river) and now she has busted ribs...whatever!

8. Shawn and Mark---I don't get Mark's costumes at all...why does he always dress like the dork? Guess what Mark---YOU CAN'T PULL THAT OFF! so stop trying! Also, Shawn had to go to 2 different locations to accept 2 awards...great...but how is that considered "being on the road" this week? How long could that possibly take??? 2 days tops??? Just take the red eye---accept your award and go home and rehearse...I don't think you need to be gone all week to get your stinking awards.

I think I got all the couples... if not...well then...they are just that forgettable and don't deserve a spot on the review.

Until tonight...

Len-da