Okay so apparently the hiatus lasted all season...

so...SUE ME!!!!

I mean really...I don't get paid for this stuff! And when push comes to shove and I have to let something go to get other stuff done...well...guess what suffers?? Yep...DWTS.

BUT...I did want to say that the bad winning prediction streak is OVER!!!

If you'll notice on the side of the blog---I predicted Donny would win.

Of course, I need to say something about this.

First off, I did watch the final dances including the freestyles (what I basically wait all season for) and based on that alone---Donny deserved it.

Kelly---FELL??? Really...that's just sad. I knew, you knew and she knew...it was over then and there!

Mya---GOT ROBBED. She was a terrific dancer but that freestyle...oh brother SNOOZEFEST! Dmitry should have listened to her. Hairspray??? Been there...done that!

Donny---well...it was entertaining and it screamed DONNY OSMOND!

A few thoughts...I can't promise that I'll be back next season....I really can't. They really need to change up the show BIG TIME for me to stay interested. I've said this before and I'll say it again. They need to do an all stars cast with all the fan favorites. That would really get people excited. They also need to cut down the contestant list from 103 to 10. Seriously, by the time the seasons over I can't even remember who the first 6 couples were anyway.

Just some suggestions for the producers out there!

Finally, I just can't wait for my prediction to come true...MARK MY WORDS....Kate Gosselin will appear on this show. The day that happens is the day I tune in...and PUKE of course! And if she's even a tad bit good at dancing ...she'll get the pity votes and win!---AND...since we're going down this path...she'll probably be paired up with my Maksy!---just to make sure that dagger is in deep.

But friends...for those that faithfully watched all season...you all deserve a medal cause..I---Len-da Isa-ba---one of the biggest fans out there couldn't muster up the strength to watch it---which we all know says a lot.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving....celebrating not turkey time but all the wonderful things the Lord has blessed us with. We have so much to be thankful for!

And of course a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Len-da is on HIATUS baby!`

Well dear friends and loyal readers---as you have probably noticed..Len-da Isa-ba is on a reviewing hiatus at the moment. I'm not saying, I've given up on the show and that I won't watch again this season or next or the one after that. It's just that at this very moment...I'm not available to keep up with this rigorous reviewing schedule.

So I challenge my loyal friends, readers, and fellow critics...to get creative and review the show for me. Similar to the shenanigans on the show of getting guest judges, we'll have guest reviewers.

If interested please, email me and let me know what week you'd like to review and my contribution to the assignment will be to give you an appropriate reviewer alias. There can only be one Len-da Isa-ba...but I think I can get pretty creative when I need to.

Also, I can post your email content right on to the website and send it out like I always do. So you'll be very official. Please include a photo of yourself if possible. (What a fun assignment this will be!)

I promise to return and resume my responsibilities in a little while---that is if I'm still needed and wanted by the end.

Hope you'll take on the challenge.

On temporary hiatus---
Len-da Isa-ba

Week 4 and 4 new dances...

Let's see if I can make it through the entire 5 hour show without my eye candy.

I see they are now making an attempt to add new dances to change up the show. I believe they have tried this before and it didn't prove to be fair well. Let's see how it goes this time around. Apparently, the shows ratings have dropped MAJORLY! It hasn't been this low since 2005 or 2006. I'm not surprised. The producers are thinking they might need to cut it down to having the show once a year rather than 2. My idea is cut down the contestants to 8or 10 couples...make hte show 1 hour long and eliminate results night completely. That would perk up the audience.

I would like to take a moment and predict IN WRITING that I have a sneaky feeling that one way the show will boost ratings is by asking Kate Gosselin to join the cast. They are waiting for the divorce drama to end and then mark my words...they'll catch that big fish... hook, line and sinker! She's greedy and loves to be in the spotlight...so what a perfect fit! Just wanted to put that out there! And I'm sure they'll pair her up with my Maksy and that will be the final nail in my coffin. URGHGHAGH

Anyway...moving on...


Chuck and Anna-Entertaining, but the guy really needs to go. He's not very good. I think he's fun to watch but I'm slowly getting over it. The one thing that I am sick to death of is his HAIR---or lack of hair. I just can't stomach it. What self-respecting man has a Mohawk?
Oh brother...how painful was it to listen to Chuck explain to SaMANtha about the lasso...spit it out buddy.


Melissa and Mark-I was already annoyed at their pre-dance squat-fest....but they won me over. That dance was awesome. I loved the black and white effect at the beginning and then the music and steps...great job! The one thing that I'm gonna say about Mark and yes this is going to be mean...so brace yourself. Was he wearing those funny groucho glasses and nose? Sure looked like it to me. Yikes Mark...YIKES.

Natalie and Alec- EXCELLENT. I really like her. She has yet to annoy me. That is a very good sign. She had excellent balance and some fancy split tricks... She also has become a lot more comfortable with being so close to Alec. I think the judges are ridiculous. Okay...you want Natalie to be more romantic and close than she already was...geez louise--THE MAN IS MARRIED. As for what Bruno blubbered...I can't say I even bothered to listen.

Aaron and Karrrina--I can barely stand to look at that little baby and his hussy. Can you even believe that there is talks that he and Karina are an item. Oh brother. Wow...her standards have sure taken a NOSE dive! That scene with Aaron crying and needing his brother from another mother to comfort him---I couldn't help but shake my head in disapproval. He bugs. She bugs. AND of course they would get the Lambada of all dances. Those producers sure are smart. They know what sells and based on the press..this might be it. I thought the dance was awful. AWFUL. I'm not sure how gymnastics fit into it at all, there was a lot of aggressive dancing that didn't flow., and a lot of unnecessary repetition. My favorite part was when they totally RUINED the ending. PERFECT. Just perfect. Oh boy... those judges comments are gonna make him cry. You can totally see the lip quivering. I'm sorry...did any of you listen to Karina's explanation for the backflip? Hysterical. NO sense...none. "We thought that when you go to the beech and you are having fun and the flip and the water and the heat...WHAT??? And I loved how Aaron was telling all of us that he won't cry this time around....you sure about that buddy?

Lacey and Mark-It's always a nice touch to include some family visits. I think I expected him to do much worse. He was actually pretty good. That song..and those singers...oh boy...that was awful. They really messed that one up! I am a little sick of all the contestants running out in the audience and stealing kisses...just wait until after the show okay?

Louie & Kelly-She auditioned for Chicago...got the lead...and then they took it away cause she couldn't dance...sure she did. She probably made the call backs and then when they realized she can't dance they cut her from the audition pool. Got the lead....yeah right. And those nails...geez...as you all know I love love love nail polish...but that's a bit much even for me. The dance was good but they went a little overboard.---THEY ALL went overboard. I think Melissa's was better. WAIT A COTTON PICKEN MINUTE...did you all hear that SaMANtha apparently played Roxy in Chicago...oh gag me! Maybe her understudy...

Joanna and Derek...(cue barf fest---NOW!) I also am not an animal person so that whole pet adoption idea didn't do a thing for me. Again...producers why do you have to make Derek and Joanna do the Lambada, too. It's not enough that Karrrina (her twin) had to dance it, too. How do they decide who dances what? Oh dear...Derek put your shirt back on. No one wants to see a prepubescent boy half naked up there...NO ONE! I hate that they love her. I hate that they are all making such a big deal about them. But Tom B. was hysterical when he said he thinks that the parents are probably in bed, too. ha ha As far as Derek thinking he can compete in the big leagues and take off his shirt with the best of them...i.e. MAKS...not quite! Keep trying!

Donny and Kym-The throwing himself on the ground during rehearsal...I'm sure your kids will love seeing their daddy throw a temper tantrum. Newsflash...kids pick up on things we say and do right??? You're in for a real treat! As for their dance...very entertaining. I think I really like the Charleston. Those dances were the most fun to watch.

Michael and Anna---I forwarded right through it... sorry...not a fan favorite. Anna is soooo boring they need to bring in Tony to spice things up a bit. There time is limited...very limited.

Chelsie and Louie-I miss Ty. That whole piece was so cute. the mini-me comment...the "I need a booster" to get on the horse...too too funny. What I love about Louie is that when the judges knock him and tear him to shreds---he gets this smirk on his face as if his grandpa said something totally old-fashioned. I love it. He's such a good sport...no crying for this guy.

Mya and Dmitry--they are good. No doubt about it.

And finally the show ends and I can catch some shut eye.

Keep Dancing,

Len-da Isa-ba

Maksy eliminated...

Disgusted! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED!

Maks and Debi were way better than Chuck, the Football player snoozefest, Tom DeLay, and many more...

I'm really not interested in the season now!

But I will include a link to an article from People.com that is entitled something that brings music to my ears...

Maks: I'm done with Karina!

Whoever wrote that piece is a literary genius!

Enjoy---
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20310823,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

Week 3---I can't believe it's only week 3.

So we begin another week and already with just the grand entrance I have so so much to comment on. However, I think I'll pace myself. I just want to give an honorable mention to Dmitry & Maks and the costume folks....NICE WORK on dressing or better said...undressing them this week. hee hee hee


As I'm sure you all noticed it's easy to spot who would be rumba-ing and who will be salsa-ing...Thank goodness Tom DeLay is soooo not rumba-ing. What a horrid mental picture.


I'm glad Lenny boy is back. I miss that ole' chap...chip chip cherrio lad. (Whoa girl...where did that come from?)


Lacy and Mark---Rumba -I'm sorry you Mark fans out there--but he is just not a sexy dance icon. I suppose he's a good looking man...but he doesn't ooze what the Rumba requires...and we all know what that is (think Maks or Dmitry). It was like watching my dentist dance. Actually...come to think of it...he looks a lot like my dentist...and I think that's what KILLED it for me! I think my next dental visit will make for an awkward one...great...just great. As if dental visits aren't bad enough. WAIT...Kathy Ireland..is married to Mark the food network guy??? I swear he was holding Kathy's hand at the beginning of his dance. Did you guys think that, too?

Joanna & Derrick--Okay first off...Derrick's peach fuzz makes me sick.---S-I-C-K. I can't even describe it. It's like watching a very annoying kid go through puberty. Yuck! I can't stand Joanna and I literally laughed out loud when she said, "A few of the other contestants have a bigger fan base than I do..." ---Yeah...you think???...that's the under statement of the YEAR! However, I didn't notice her invisalign so she might have gotten a hold of my review from last week and worked on my suggestions. Here's a suggestion for you. Just quit. You'll never win.

Mya & Dmitry--I like her. She's real, clever, and well...someone who has great concentration ability---geez louise that dance was quite close in proximity if you will. Oh brother...Carrie Ann and her self proclaimed lift police title is back...grrrr And what's the deal with everyone being able to do the splits? Is that a new requirement for the show?? Yeah the dance was good but 2 --10's??? Uh come on...that's perfection!? Would you say that was perfection? No...Dmitry?--well yeah I'd say he's pretty close to it...but the dance...no. (And no...Maks and I aren't over...it's just that Dmitry could almost be his kid brother---just a general observation on those Russians)

Melissa & Mark--All I know is that there was this one part in the dance that looked so freaking uncomfortable. Like they had their pant zippers stuck and they were frantically trying to come apart...egads...the rest was okay I guess. Nothing too spectacular there. Over it.



Oh and a random note about Carrie Ann's million zillion necklaces---I wish someone would wrap them around just a wee bit tighter...she bugs. And I noticed SaMANtha had those same necklaces, too...might as well wrap hers tighter, too. Those 2 are just something else....(shaking my head)

Louie & Chelsie-- How cute is he? I was busting up at how excited he was about this dance and how he knew all the ins and outs of what a Rumba involves...including the slicked back wet hair. Hysterical! Watch out Julianne..you have been replaced. Chelsie is officially the new hottie on the block and I love her personality so much more than Julianne's which says a lot! Cause you all know how much I loved Julianne. Len is a prude! A total TOTAL prude!!!!! I can't believe Len gave a 5??? That man is delirious! But Louie... a true smooth dude...not even bothered by Len's craziness...just graciously said I'm happy cause my scores went up. Stupid Len...bring back Baz...that sissy liked everyone and anyone!



Maks & Debi--What the heck was my man wearing during rehearsal...that black and orange tanktop...I think that he must have borrowed that from my closet. It's okay. I forgive him. We share everything.---A quick shout out to Mel B. I love Mel B. That was Maks' best partner. It was nice to see her pop in.--Okay back to this season. Folks please don't be fooled for a minute when Maks tells Thebi to stop talking. He's not being mean...there is only one reason and one reason only for the request--He's over that lisp! I'm certain of it. Poor baby! I don't know how long I could listen to that myself. As I'm sure you all guessed when the dance first opened...I knew Len was gonna hate that intro but Maks shaking his rump totally made up for it! And I'm with Bruno for once...you have a hot hunk dancing with you and you don't touch him?? That woman has lost her marbles. Geth her outh of there and puth Nathalie in her plathe. She would be perfect with my Maksy.



Donny and Kym--I have to say...picturing Donny in the Rumba is a little unsettling. True...he's really growing on me...but him all seductive and sexy...ewww... However, even with that queasy feeling, I was willing to give it a chance and perhaps he would shock me. Well...hmmm...okay---then the dance begun and I was right...ewwww --save that side of you for the bedroom. But of course Len would like it...prude---okay the whole Bruno thing...had me screaming out loud---I laughed at first but then I started to get nervous. You're soooo right Donny-Utah might not let you back after that close call. But now, I fear, it's time I give Donnoy a lecture...Cut out some of the theatrics...it's a little tooo much like Marie. That was very borderline for me. He needs to watch that! Or BAM he's cut off from my kindness. Wait wait wait...Donny gets a 7 and Louie gets a 5---B.S. Total B.S.

Paula---you're not a judge...You were a judge on a totally different show and network but you're not one now! And you're not the next Kenny Main or Adam Corolla...or Len-da...so keep your trap shut and take your meds--cause we don't need your opinions or your ideas of you and Carrie Ann making out. Really...who does she think she is? I think she needs to..forget about taking "two steps forward" and just work on taking many many "steps back"--cause honey..."opposites do not attract" in this town....

Michael & Anna---zzzzzzzzz---I totally forwarded it. I think we should have selected Mayo as our new pro dancer...cause she's boring.---I think they go this week.

Natalie & Alec--Oh how I missed Edyta and that accent more than you'll ever know. Natalie is so cute. I would be just as awkward looking at someone like that.---but you know what's more embarrassing?? Ending the dance with your face in Alec's crotch...that's way more awkward. Careful what you wish for honey...

Anna & Chuck--I love how he called it the most flamboyant dance...sooooo so true. Oh dear...pulling off those sleeves threw him off. Maybe he should be the one to go. Sorry Chuckster..but you're done.


Aaron and Karrrrrrrina-- Guess what Aaron boy---Hugh Hefner called & he wants his smoking jacket back. That's all I'm gonna say...cause I'm tired...very very tired and to think I'm staying up for Karina...that's just wrong.

I have to say one quick thing...isn't it funny how when Maks and Karina had that horrible little period where they were boyfriend/girlfriend (One I am choosing to pretend never happened)...Samantha and ever other schmuck on the show made such a big deal of it...well where is all the big deal making now? Huh?--Come on...let's hear about the break up. I'd love to hear the juicy details...come on ABC...break ups sell... Okay, that's it....


Tom & Cheryl...Oh boy our first injury of the season---just put the darn man out of his misery. I hate the whole "I won't give up!" business---If you're really injured...give it up!--there is no shame in withdrawing when you're in pain.--But I do give him credit for at least letting me see the disaster that we all knew was about to unfold (unlike Jewel or Nancy O'dell who didn't even attempt a dance!--Chickens). I'm sure I'll find some morsal of humor in Tom's performance. Like when he rolled his hips...oh dear...don't ever do that again! EVER! I loved Len's comment,"I wouldn't be judging if I had 2 stress fractures...let alone dancing." funny funny funny.

Kelly & Louie---She's ...how do I put this...hard to look at. She really is...That hair...Or that blubbering all the time...come on...you're not dying...She actually did pretty good. So you see...all that crying for nothing. ---That kiss at the end...ewwww...she totally planted one on him and from the look on Louie's face- I don't think he was okay with it.

Well that's it for now...

Keep Dancing,

Len-da Isa-ba

Week 2 and already slacking

Hey folks...sorry for the delay in my review. I did watch it on Monday but I was soooo tired and there was nothing really too exciting that happened other than Tom DeLay, Kelly Osborne, and Mark the Food Network guy...having some near and real falls. That of course was most exciting for me.

I'm gonna go quick...so try and stay with me...think of it as a QUICK STEP type of review.

I don't get the whole muppets thing...in fact, I thought that was stupid. I guess I'm not the biggest muppets fan---however Karrrria calling herself Miss Piggy was a true delight---hearing that kiss ass Samantha say..."oh no never...I would never call you that"--made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Maks is still a jerk during rehearsals and well...I loved it. I know he would never talk to me like that because I'd give him a titty twister if he did. (I might give him one anyway--ha ha) No seriously...he can get a tad intense but hey...it is what it is...

That "model" Joanna...who by the way, I've never heard of before--CAN and SHOULD take out her "Invisalign" retainer/braces thinga-ma-jig during the one on one interviews. It's extremely distracting---and please don't tell me you never noticed. She doesn't wear it during performances just rehearsals (which is okay---but when you're on the camera talking to the audience about nothing but yourself---please take it out!) oh oh oh and how can I go on without saying how ANNOYING Derrick is this season. My goodness. He's a total spaz. Oh that Derrick and his wild hair and antics. GRRRRRR

I can't believe I'm gonna say this but Donny grew on me this week. He's not really quite as annoying as his sister so I might have to retract my Donnoy nickname...key word is MIGHT. I'll have to wait and see for now.

Aaron Carter still acts ghetto...that's getting just a tad old.

Umpa-louie-pa is so cute. I really like his little smile and the partnership he has with Chelsea. I hope they last a little while. Call me Len-da but he could use a hair makeover. BIG TIME.

Tom DeLay, Kathy Ireland, and the football dude and his ZERO personality professional partner can go, too!

Mya is doing hella good. I like Dmitry. So...good work.

Kelly---quit your crying..it's way too early for the waterworks.

Melissa Joan Hart...I think she put on her grandma's dentures...what's up with her teeth??

I missed Len.

Bruno needs to take a seat and stop standing for his critique...seriously...JUST SIT DOWN.

As for the results show...didn't watch much of it at all...a lot of forwarding. BUT---I was extremely nervous for my Thebi and Makth. I'm glad they made it. However, I think I need to start voting cause it's not looking good for him---excuse me...them.

Oh and don't forget to vote for the whole "Create the Dance" thing they've got going on...this week we select the celebrity we want to come back and dance. I am voting for Mel B!!!!

Well, folks...that's it for this week.

I'm perfecting my "Karrrina" for a future video...stay tuned.

Keep dancing---
Len-da Isa-ba

Season 9 First 2 eliminations!!

The ones that have departed were right on. No surprises there. As much as I wanted Macy Gray to hang on a few more weeks to see her try and attempt a lift...that dream was squashed. However, I felt surprisingly very sorry for her. She looked devastated. I was expecting tears would come rushing out any minute. In fact, the other "stars" saw it, too. You might have noticed them buzzing in the background (and yes...I read lips...so I literally saw, "I feel so bad for her")

Anyway, she and Ashley took the defeat well and moved on.

How funny was the Adam Corolla bit?? I know a certain someone who was in heaven at that very moment. So for you Monica...He was outstanding. I laughed out loud at the, "Donny...you're 51 years old. When can we start calling you Don?" I loved it!

A little bit of funny trivia that some of you probably don't know. I got an email about 2 weeks ago asking me if I want to participate in the live audience for the taping of the Lion King performance we saw last night. The fine print in this email said, none of the stars of DWTS will be there---no judges, pros, hosts...anyone. It's just a special recording for a Macy's Lion King performance. Well, last night...they would have the viewers believe that the Lion King performance was live. Well, it wasn't. In fact, it was a completely different audience than the one that was at last night's elimination show. So, the funny part is, after the performance (by the way...it was awesome and trust me the entire production is worth seeing) but anyway...after the performance and the return back from commercial. Tom Bergeron says, "You should have seen the smile on Tom DeLay's face when that giant elephant came down the steps..." The woman in the audience behind Tom Bergeron had this look of absolute confusion...like.."huh??? what?? what elephant?? I didn't see an elephant???" It was priceless because of course you didn't...don't worry lady...you haven't lost your marbles. It never happened!!! Anyway, it cracked me up. Sneaky little producers...

And finally...was anyone else emotional over the tribute to Patrick Swayze??? I loved it. It's performances like that, that make me appreciate the beauty of dance and how it can really speak volumes!

Well...week one is done and I'm pooped.

Keep Dancing..
Len-da

Season 9 Premiere--night 2- The ladies

Ladies and Gentlemen a travesty has occurred. The first time in 9 seasons, my tivo malfunctioned and didn't record. YES, it's true. I couldn't believe it! I think I'm being punished for my droolfest over Maks the other day. I got home late last night and I decided to start watching the show at 9:30pm. When I noticed it had not recorded, I was extremely bummed, but I realized I had tuned in precisely at the moment of the relays. So...like a true champ, I got over it and got to work. (I'm sure I'll catch what I missed tonight...on the 4 hour recap show!!!)

Let's just say that the last 30 minutes was all I needed to see.

The first dance---The foxtrot.
I think that Thebi Mathar and Makth are thoing very wellth. Ith isth a thrue pleathure to wath them performth. (that lisp however hath got to go!)

I really do think she's got talent and if she can get some fans and lose that lisp...they might be okay. My favorite part was when Thebi Mathar said, "I loved being elegant and laying on Maks" and for the first time in DWTS history Samantha made a funny!!! She said, "I think there are many women out there who would love to lay on...nevermind...I'll leave that one alone" I'm impressed...truly impressed.

I can't stand that model Joanna. I gather she did well last night cause the judges just kept going on and on about her...well...let me tell you all something. If you didn't watch the show SuperStars (FYI--Maks won!) you didn't get the chance to see what a poor sport she is. She is very competitive and when something doesn't go her way she flips on the "witch" switch. Just wait until she has a bad night and the judges get a little harder on her...you'll see a side of her that you might be surprised about. AND of course she'd be paired with Derrick of all people. I'm thrilled because WHEN-- not IF--- but WHEN they do get eliminated...2 people that I don't like will be gone. I wait patiently for that day!

Kathy Ireland should just go home now. She's gorgeous but can't move...and she can't seem to fit in the camera shot---so adios sista!

The swimmer...ahhh...nothing to get excited about.

The second dance--The Cha Cha
Oh dear...Macy Gray. My goodness. There are just no words. NONE. Okay, there might be some. It looks like Macy got an anvil dropped on her head and she's still woozy from the crash!! I mean she's ready to hit the floor at any moment. You know like she just got off those horrible spin you round and round carnival rides and is trying to regain her balance. She's higher than a kite! I really need her to stay around a lot more cause I'm busting up watching her! BUSTING UP!

Sabrina the teenage witch-- did pretty good. I'll have to wait and a see a little more with her.

Mya--Shmya...I don't see why everyone was soooo excited about her.

The most surprising for me was of course Kelly Osborne. She did great and she truly looks like she's been dreaming of being a contestant on this show. She's loving this! and guess what...I love it, too. I'm really rooting for her to stick around a while. She also was very gracious backstage and eloquent in her answer to Samantha (who I still think will reveal she's pregnant this season!).

Finally, the last thing I want to bring up is something that I really should have discussed yesterday. What's the deal with Marie (Kill me now) Osmond and Jermaine Jackson sitting together?? And more importantly why do they insist on showing Marie before and after every commercial break. Geez Louise...

Well folks...I think the double elimination will include Tom and Kathy.

Season Nine Premiere--(night 1 of 3)

Welcome back my fine friends!!! Season 9 is here and of course ABC is gonna drag this out for 3 nights. Oh brother. Here is a thought--how about we don't start with 40 couples off the bat? hmmmm??? If we started with 10 couples we could probably get to every couple and still finish in 1 hour. I love this show but 2 hours for 3 nights???...is just darn ridiculous.

But anyway...when I heard that the women and Macy Gray (I'm not quite certain she's a woman yet) would be dancing Tuesday night, I almost turned the TV off. If Maks is not performing then I might as well call it a night--so with eyes rolling, some grumbling under my breath and while reaching for the remote to hit the OFF button--- I hear the music, I see the flashing lights and of course they hooked me in. More specifically..I saw that my precious Maksy and his back up dancers were descending to that shiny dance floor---My heart started beating and my eyes were fixed on him. No need for the remote except for maybe to hit pause on guess who??---(okay Linda...wipe the drool and move on already. You'll have to excuse me...he is single again. Who didn't see that coming??)

General Observations:
1. Is Samantha pregnant?? Never in my life have I wanted to hear that announcement made about someone. Just think of it...Samantha pregnant=MATERNITY LEAVE which in turn = a very nice break for the viewers.
2. Do any of you have any idea how much joy it brought me to see Cheryl paired with Tom?? Hysterical. She needed a good kick off her pedestal from last seasons very touchy grabby love fest with the gypsy Gilles. Take that you hussy!
3. Good grief Kathy Ireland...could you move any slower coming down those stairs? Was she using a cane? I know the stairs have proven to be slippery but come on! I'm aging here!
4. I can't stand that so-called model Joanna. Probably because she looks like Karrrrrina! Both trash.
5. Macy Gray---tame the Afro baby...I can't see your partner (oh who cares...it's only Jonathan). I can't wait to see her perform. If it's anything like her singing performances...we're in for a treat! A real treat!
6. Nice dye job Bruno...I believe you are more of a walnut dream rather than blackest black.

Now on to the dancers.

1. Aaron and Karina-
Okay Aaron..newsflash...you're white!
You had a hit record at 8 years old? Really? I highly doubt that! Your only real claim to fame is being one of the Backstreet Boys' kid brother. Get over yourself. Antother thing what's with Carrie Ann saying , "My, my Aaron...you're all grown up" Hands off you cougar---I don't think he's legal yet. And finally... Any moron that calls Karina a hottie or an ideal coach because she's beautiful---is officially on my "You disgust me list"

2. Anna and Chuck-
I just want to say that I'm pretty certain he was picturing Anna as that big blue punching bag he uses during workouts. Because while dancing he tried his little heart out to smile but instead just looked constipated. A real pity. And it didn't appear that Anna appreciated the very poetic Samantha calling her a "thing"--She's still the idiot I remember.

3. Edyta and Ashley-
He's a comedian? Yeah...sure. and I'm a politician! Boy oh boy did Orange Hamilton look bad or what? I didn't think it was possible to get more orange but some how he managed. Keep it up and you'll lose that signature mole of yours. Anyway...it's pure music to my ears, hearing Edyta say, "Pooosh poosh"-- that accent kills me every time! I'm a tad surprised he got a 4 and Mo"huck" Chuck got a 6. Come on!

4. Donny and Kym--
One word---ANNOYING! That fool manages to annoy me the first second he's on. He gets no "puppy love" from me. His new name is Donnoy---cause he Donnoys the crap out of me! Already with the shenanigans---running across the floor, making those stupid "performance faces"--Get ready folks...we're in for a very very long season! I do love that the judges called him out on being a little too "showy"---a little? Paahlese! Oh and I get it...Marie is gonna be in the audience...no need to show her every 2 minutes.

5. Louie and Chelsea-
Holy moly---Willy Wonka's umpalumpas called and want to know when you'll be back at the candy factory??? (I know that was mean...but something is just not right there!) And if you had any doubt about what's really going on there...his circus tricks proved it!.. Yes, I'm mean...but who cares, you guys all eat it up. I say the things you'd never say yourselves, right?...Bruno HOWEVER--has no right to call him "a cute dancing hobbit"---Oh really...now there is the smurf calling the hobbit short...At least Umpa"louie"mpa is cute and clever...unlike you...

6. Michael and newbie Anna-
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

7. Tom and Cheryl-
Pure joy...it's just so fitting that she get paired with him. I love my little conservatives!

8. Mark and Lacey-
I literally almost forgot them. So that shows you I'm not very interested in these two. Lacey the self proclaimed rebel looked a little thick to me (sorry but had to say it) and finally when Carrie Ann said she's happy that the Asians are being represented...I practically puked. Uhhhh hello...what about Kristi Yamaguchi???You weren't so thrilled then. What? You're only happy when the MALE asians represent? How about I Kung Fu fight your face in!

Dancing Relays...
Just make the show 1 hr and 30 min.---okay???

Looking forward to Maks...errr...I mean the ladies dancing tonight. Until then...

Keep Dancing.
Len-da Isa-ba---

Season 9 Cast revealed...anyone else scratching their head??

Well folks--it's been a long long long time since I've checked in on the "official" Dancing with the Semi-Stars blog and as you can tell. I've completedly revamped the site. It now is called---Dancing with anyone who says, "Sure I'll do it"

I've been toying with the idea of completely skipping this season. I'm so disappointed in the contestants (they will not be called stars! EVER!)

But because I do have my own little following now...I can't disappoint the readers!

Let's get to the couples.

Mya, singer, and Dmitri Chaplin---I love how they have to tell us, she's a singer.

Melissa Joan Hart, actress, and reigning DWTS champ Mark Ballas- Sabrina the teenage witch??? What's going on here? When did ABC become KCAL 9 or channel 13--(reject channels) I mean really???

Michael Irvin, former Dallas Cowboy, and Anna Demidova- Don't know who they are...and don't care.

Ashley Hamilton, actor, comedian, singer-songwriter, and Edyta Sliwinska- Apparently, Ashley is a man. Good to know.

Aaron Carter, singer, and Karina Smirnoff-Great---just great. My arch-nemisis gets paired with a young wannabe (his brother was in Backstreet Boys--a fine boy band if I do say so myself!) The youngens...typically stay on long. I can't stand to see her smug face as she reminds me she's marrying my boyfriend.

Kathy Ireland, former supermodel-turned-businesswoman, and Tony Dovolani--"former model turned business woman" Is that code for ---I used to look good but now I don't? I haven't seen Kathy in a while and she is a beautiful lady---but that introduction really makes me expect the worst.

Debi Mazar, actress, and Maksim Chmerkovskiy--How dare they put the champion of the show Superstars with Debi Mazar....who is Debi Mazar?? If it's who I think it is...I'm not impressed. He's a champion and he needs a champion by his side. I'm available baby! (Athough I haven't actually been declared champion of anything)

Natalie Coughlin, U.S. Olympic swimmer, and season 1 champ Alec Mazo--Season 1 Champ??? Oh brother...let it go already. No one watched season 1 okay!! Just call him the football head who's married to Edyta "Legs" Sliwinska.

Louie Vito, snowboarder, and Chesie Hightower--I remember Chelsie and I even liked her a lot but Louie Vito??? Who's he? Do you think he's Italian?? heh heh heh

Chuck Liddell, ultimate fighting champ, and Anna Trebunskaya--Oh no...Anna's back? I hate ultimate fighting anything...this should be intersting. She's can get quite nasty with her partners---but Chuck might just pop her one in the mouth to give her a reality check.

Donny Osmond, singer, and Kym Johnson--This makes me sick. That means...we'll be seeing Marie ALL THE TIME. I couldn't handle her the season she was on...and I know I won't be able to handle her now...I'm sure she'll plug nutrisystem and credit that for losing her 50 pounds. Oh go make a doll or something and stay away!

Tom DeLay, former congressman, and two-time Dancing champ Cheryl Burke--I'm over Cheryl and her slutty outfits.

Macy Gray, singer, and Jonathan Roberts--This is a beautiful pairing. JUST beautiful. Macy Gray is crazy and Jonathan has already been partnered with Marie Osmond--so he knows crazy!

Joanna Krupa, model and actress, and season 7 champ Derek Hough--Ladies...Derek is now officially on the market again. (Ewwwwww) oh and is this the same Joanna that was on Superstars with T.O.??? If so...what are they thinking? She's awful.

Mark Dacascos, Iron Chef personality, and Lacey Schwimmer--Let's see if she keeps up her antics for a third year.

Kelly Osbourne, reality star, and Louis Van Amstel--Oh dear. Oh ..oh...dear!

So dear friends and readers---as you can see, I'm really considering not continuing the reviews for this season. Between the horrible cast and SaMANtha---how can I possibly survive???

Sooo---who's watching?

The biggest shocker...

Hey guys...
By now we all know that Shawn Johnson took the trophy ball! I must say I was shocked at 2 things...

1. That she beat out the gypsy gigalo Gilles and
2. That they managed to make a results show 3 hours long. Of course I didn't watch it all.

Anyway, that ends this season of DWTS and this season of My Reviews and News...
Until next season...I bid you all a fine farewell.

On a different note, I'd like to give you all an update on my Maksy
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20280046,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

Once you finish the article--my following comments will make much more sense.
First off...do any of Maks's shirts have buttons?
Second, when my boyfriend proposed to me---I couldn't wait to be Mrs. Isai---the fact that they are in no rush...proves how this won't last.
Third and finally---Maks is going to be in an athletic reality show...woo hoo...count me in!

Finally---The Finals!

Sorry guys...but I'm so ready for this season to end. I think they started with entirely too many couples. I'm exhausted. Also, this is the first season I didn't vote. That tells you right there...I'm over it!

I realize that I never reviewed last week's show...here's another shocker...I didn't watch it.

I did watch last night's episode and I was thrilled beyond thrilled to see that it was only 1 hour long.

So here we go...
How absolutely stupid and ridiculous was that bit including Len calling Carrie Ann (who was casually having a salad---BY HERSELF) and Bruno (Speedo City---ewwww---let's keep it covered shall we??) Anyway, back to the craziness. That was so scripted and so poorly acted.

Once that time filler was over and we had the combo dance off---we had other craziness present. Bruno takes the prize for most orange, Melissa takes the prize for the glow in the dark teeth--wait not just glow in the dark...more like beaming in the abyss, and Gilles takes the prize for the biggest gypsy we've ever had on this show.

I'd like to pause here to address a common misconception---Romanians are not gypsies. Gypsies are simply put...GYPSIES---they are a nation without a land. Nomads, wanderers...that sort of thing. They are commonly found in Europe and I guess the king...set up the official camp in beautiful Romania years and years ago. So--with that said...my mother (a very sassy and quite funny woman) pointed out to me just a few weeks ago that Gilles is not a Frenchman...He is 100% prime gypsy meat. You know what??? I totally believe her. Grab your purses and hold on to your wallets cause Gillespy is heading in for the kill. AND---AND---if there was any doubt whether or not he is indeed a gypsy like my mother claims---that costume was proof enough for me. If you'd like more information on Gypsies... please visit this site at your own leisure. http://www.geocities.com/~patrin/history.htm Okay enough about that...

The group dance was okay---the singers did an awful job. Melissa messed up quite a few times, Gilles was practically leaving a trail of oil from his hair and Shawn was just okay. I was shocked and disgusted when Melissa---who let me remind you---messed up and they all said it...got two 10's?? Uh...since when is does a mess up equal perfection---since the show allowed gypsies on it apparently. Okay...okay I'll drop the gypsy thing.

I know I've threatened this before...but the show is this close to me shutting it off forever. (who am I kidding?)

Don't you all just love how Carrie Ann says this is her favorite season of all times...EVERY SEASON. Oh stop your lies, Woman!

Now the moment we all wait for...THE FREESTYLE---
Shawn and Mark---(quick little note....I missed Apollo---that was a good season) It was by far my favorite dance of last night. It was high energy, creative, there were smooth transitions, and they seemed very much in sync.

Melissa and Tony--Wow Tony...was that shirt painted on? Holy Cazow Batman! I have to agree with judges...although it was better than other freestyles I've seen on the many seasons of this show...it wasn't the best.

Gilles and Cheryl---"I need to be on you"---that direct quote from slutsville Cheryl sums up the entire season for them. Here's another one that I came up with to accurately describe this combo. "Would you like a room?"---DISGUSTING.

1 more thing...did I fast forward or was last night the first night that horrid singer with the head dresses not make her way into the camera shot?? What a way to end the season!

So my final prediction is that Gilles wins the trophy. I'm not happy about this at all. At this point...please let it be Shawn---but honestly, I don't' really care---you'll be lucky if I even watch it.

Signing off--
Len-da

Is it the quarterfinals?

Well, as always...I'll get right into it with some general observations. I know we've discussed the ridiculous spray tans before but you know we've reached a whole new level of ridiculous when Len Goodman gets down and gets orange. My word! Every single line in his face is now magnified where the spray tan settles and clumps. Tsk tsk tsk Lenny boy...you caved! How disappointing!

Samantha has reached a whole new level of skinny. I guess she's worried they won't renew her contract so she's working out extra hard to be thin and stylish. Well, missy---if you do get your contract renewed I'LL BE SHOCKED!

THE SHOW IS NOW BACK TO 2 HOURS?!?! Oh brother, so much filler last night. We all know the results show is nothing but filler and that's annoying enough but the performance show does not need to be 2 hours now---we have 5 couples left. 5!!! We can easily get this thing down to 1 hour!

Now on to the dancing part of the show---(filler schmiller with the pros doing 2 group dances.) They were very good and always entertaining but it's really unnecessary. Those 2 segments alone were like 20 minutes! You know what else is unnecessary??? The 3 judges telling America what the remaining dancers need to work on. WE KNOW---you tell us after every single dance what you like and what you don't like!!! Geez Louise. Can we say overkill?

Shawn and Mark-
Mark needs to settle down some and stop out dancing Shawn. They look so unbalanced. She's wayyyy too precise and gym"mechanical"nastics---It seriously looks like a floor routine in heels. She's a sweet girl and a hard worker but she doesn't look natural out there. Her first dance was okay, but I personally liked the second one better. I think the Paso Doble suits her mechanical dance style. However, did anyone else miss her solo?---Solo??? What solo? It must have been pretty unimpressive for me to not even notice.

Ty and Chelsie
What in the world was that clip of Ty in a leopard bathrobe doing on this show??? That was so unnatural. Do you really think Ty the BULL rider wears a big plush leopard print bathrobe right before he goes to bed? I DON'T THINK SO FOLKS! That was the most ridiculous bit EVER. Then they show Jewel putting her hands on his shoulders and asking him, "Honey, are you coming to bed?" Oh pah-lese!!! Who the heck do you think you're fooling? HOG WASH! I really do like Chelsie and I just can't believe she hasn't annoyed me once. That's near impossible to do. Now on to Ty's second dance....that was a Rumba??? How? That looked nothing like a Rumba---where was the seduction?, the romance?, the dance of love??? NOT THERE! Ty really did suck something fierce in that dance but I just loved that ending. Jewel was busting up and rightfully so. That was too funny and too cute. I also loved that he hopes that ending will pay dividends later on. He doesn't miss a beat. (Samantha...take some lessons from Ty---even he's got better interviewing skills!)--Last but not least--second dance had some major boob grabs by Ty!---MAJOR!

Big head Kim and Derek--
Why the big surprise that Kim can't do ballroom? There is nothing classy and elegant about her! Duh! That song they had to dance to, my goodness that singer sounded awful. Voice cracking, off key issues---oooooo it was bad. As for Bruno and his opinions of Little Kim---well, I think it's best he tell you himself... (don't forget---pause the music down below---before hitting play)

You'll have to pardon my horrific look---I literally threw my costume together in minutes. I know my videos have been missed, especially by my little niece who thinks I'm her silliest Aunt. I can't disappoint her! So enjoy Amanda...that's all for you!

Back to Bruno's very harsh comment of calling her a tramp---notice the only other person clapping (besides Little Kim) was Marlee Matlin---she must have misread his lips and thought he said something like..."You try to be a lady but you're more comfortable as a lamp." That's the only explanation , I can think of as to why Marlee would be clapping. Even I think Bruno took it a little too far. He's so full of it...blaming the blunder on his comment being lost in translation. YEAH RIGHT! You better watch your back Buttface-runo Little Kim's got some BIG friends in the audience who have her bionic back! It was nice to see Lil body, big head Kim realize she got insulted while she was back stage---it's about time you get a clue and realize calling you raunchy and bitchy is not a compliment!---she looked seriously bummed--oh well, she's lived through harder times...she'll get through this, too.

Cheryl "Boobs" Burke and Gilles--They know they are good and they are, but I just don't want Cheryl to win. She's really annoyed me this season and if I have to see that black and purple zip up warm up suit outfit during her rehearsals ONE MORE WEEK---I'll die! Notice, when Gilles mentioned back stage that the two of them have such a good vibe between them and Samantha said, "Yeah, we all know that!"---oooo man oh man...Cheryl did not like that comment one bit! The truth hurts, huh? The second dance was a little too much. I know Cheryl's been waiting all season to do this dance with him and I'm thrilled---just thrilled--it didn't turn out as they expected. The song---"Sexual Healing"---really? The rolling around on the floor?? Wow---that's not breaking any ballroom dance rules or rules of commitment, trust and marriage for that matter. Honestly, the way those 2 carry on...I'm just sick over it! Did I mention the lips touching at the end?? I'm done...DONE DONE DONE! you HOMEWRECKER!!! okay, now I'm done!

Tony and Injured Melissa (injured my foot!) she looked fine to me! She had a bad night as far as costumes were concerned. Her first outfit--what's the point in wearing a skirt if it's gonna be sheer? I could see her tighty whities! I also just love how she keeps touching her ribs to remind us all that she's injured. WHATEVER! As you know, I'm not the biggest fan of hers but I do like Tony and I think it's time he wins! The second dance...well you all saw it...her boob was hanging out of her sequence bra. I was dying---she was dying...AMERICA WAS DYING!!! I even noticed Carrie Ann sneaking a peek at her peak at the ending. I think Len needed some medication for sure on that one! Carrie Ann called that dance flawless (and it was good--for a busted rib and all-ha ha ha) but here's something Melissa can work on for next week---how about getting a costume that fits! So there!!!

Last but not least---I think Little Kim should give some of her big head to Mayo---that professional has got one ridiculously small head for that body of his. If he wins---I'll have so much to say about that next season! Oh dear! My mind is just spinning thinking about it. When Lisa "Big lips" Rhinna said, "I just hope I make Mayo look good!" My first thought was, IMPOSSIBLE"---not matter how good you dance---he'll still have that fist size head. (I'm such a jerk!)

Well folks, that's all she wrote...

Keep Dancing,

Len-da

A day late and a dollar short---

Okay guys...sorry again for my late reviews. Maybe if this gig came along with a paycheck I wouldn't be so negligent. Anyway, I was a sickly girl yesterday and pretty much slept all day. Don't worry folks it wasn't the swine flu---although my mother was convinced it was. We'll save that story for another day---on to the review.

We'll start with that gal that was missing in action--Melissa. I only want to say one thing about her...those Capri jeans she was wearing in rehearsals---hmmm---could they get any lower? I feared we'd see some curlies any minute. (pardon the crudeness...I'm still not all better and my mind is a tad fuzzy.) I couldn't believe Tony Dovoloni was almost crying during the interview with Samantha---normally I would say Samantha is so bad she made Tony cry--but this time I fear he wants the title so bad that he's going for the pity vote. Poor Tony---perhaps it's time he wins.

Little Kim--Last week she jumped up and down when Bruno called her ranchy (raunchy) this week she squeals with delight when he yells, "The bitch is back!!!" What is wrong with this deformed girl? I guess in prison that's what you long to hear...that you're a bitch?? No wonder my innocent ears can't comprehend it. She's a great dancer but it just doesn't seem right that Little Kim should be our next champ...sorry...but no.

Gilles---Has there been one episode where Gilles hasn't had his shirt off? Oh come on...I'm so over it. Do I really need to see the Dr. give you a cortisone shot in your shoulder with your shirt off, of course? No...what I do need to see is you dropping Cheryl on her head more often. That was pure entertainment. I'm sure Gilles was just distracted by your boobs coming out of your track suit!

Shawn--there is no way that girl is 17. She looks 40! Goodness. Judges--for the last time it is not appropriate for you to be saying how sexy Shawn is becoming and that she's now a little vixen when her mommy and daddy are in the audience. The girl is not even old enough to vote folks...let's not rob her of all her innocence okay? In my opinion, Shawn doesn't look natural out there. All her moves are way to precise and not fluid. She looks like she's just following a gymnastics floor routine. She goes from one move to the next and she looks way to mechanical. I know she's America's sweetheart but I must report the truth. I think Mark way out dances her, too.

Ty--That fool's got a six pack? Wow...who knew? I think he is so hysterical. I would love it if he won. He's so southern and his sense of humor is so dry and it just makes me laugh. I thought he did very well in both styles of dance. I definitely think he deserves to stay longer than Shawn and Chuck (yes I said it...and as well all know by now...he did make it longer than Chuck!) I loved the spray tan business. I also love the friendship between him and Chelsie. He's got my vote!

Chuck--Well, we all know his fate by now...but it's okay. He and Julianne are still a couple...for now...and well, he did improve in the last few weeks. I don't know if I'm too bummed he left. My prediction streak is officially over and that's okay. I'm too busy now--- writing reviews! This is the first season I haven't voted---perhaps that has something to do with my pick not winning. Does Len-da Isaba really have that much power???

The group dances---I liked them both. I knew the stripping down at the end of Team Mambo's dance wouldn't go to well with the judges---when will these people ever learn? I didn't think Team Tango deserved a 10 when Little Kim--big head--big butt had such an obvious mess up! Stupid, unfair, already have their favorites picked Judges!

Well, I guess that about covers it. Oh---one last thing about Samantha---I just love it when she asks the cast questions and then immediately cuts them off. What a tool. Notice how when she starts to speak the audience starts to get very loud and crazy---I think they are trying to tune her out! Either that---or the execs are turning off her prop mic. ha ha ha

Keep Dancing
Len-da

The latest review EVER!!!--so sorry!

Okay so I'll make this really quick because I'm sure more than half of you forgot what you saw last Monday on DWTS.

1. Chuck's boob grab was hysterical. I know a few of you gave me the heads up about it but I didn't imagine it would be soooo obvious and so soon in the dance. Good grief buddy---take a cold shower!

2. Samantha's blue dress looked awful on her...this brought be much pleasure!

3. The synchronized swimming scene with Gilles was ridiculous! I would be so humiliated if I had to get in that very loud and unflattering one piece bathing suit and then try to dance under water with Gilles. He's so thin that he would make anyone look humongo! EMBARRASSING!---Chery do us all a favor and zip up that hoodie you always wear. I don't need to see it...and neither does the married man who happens to be your partner.

4. LT put me to sleep yet again!!! So glad he's gone. In fact, I think the happiest I've seen him all season was when they told him he's done with the show! One more thing about LT---that group dance was funny, although what a poor sport. Just do the silly moves and stop the whining! I noticed he was the only one who didn't do the mini me signature pinky to the lip thing at the end...he had a peace sign held up to his lips instead...I was dying! Perhaps he should have been paying more attention during rehearsal and complained less about how stupid they looked.

5. Little Kim is the only woman who would take Bruno calling her raunchy as a compliment! Idiot. I can't stand her head. It looks like someone took a bicycle pump to her head and inflated only the top half.

6. Ty is still so funny and sweet but I fear his days are numbered. He can't do any of the Latin dances and that's appearing to be a problem. Too bad...but I did love their signature move during the group dance. Her as the bucking bronco and him as the rider. Funny stuff.

7. Tony and Melissa---I'm over her injuries...she came to the show with a broken heart (cry me a river) and now she has busted ribs...whatever!

8. Shawn and Mark---I don't get Mark's costumes at all...why does he always dress like the dork? Guess what Mark---YOU CAN'T PULL THAT OFF! so stop trying! Also, Shawn had to go to 2 different locations to accept 2 awards...great...but how is that considered "being on the road" this week? How long could that possibly take??? 2 days tops??? Just take the red eye---accept your award and go home and rehearse...I don't think you need to be gone all week to get your stinking awards.

I think I got all the couples... if not...well then...they are just that forgettable and don't deserve a spot on the review.

Until tonight...

Len-da

Week 6---Here and gone---who else is still shocked Steve-O is still here??

My first impressions---
1. Little Kim in a dance surrounding the theme of prison???--Wow---talk about not having to work on getting into character for this dance. However, I think she was wearing the wrong costume...stripes belong on the jail bird missy.
2. Check out Chuck wearing the lace. Not a bad look for the country singer...not a bad look at all.
3. Shawn--the moment I saw her costume I knew she was going to dance the Rumba. Why does a 17 year old need to do the Rumba??? Seriously...I think she's more suited for the jive. The kid isnt' even legal yet! Good grief. I was already worried.
4. Boo hoo the time has come....no slips on the stairs. How boring the beginning was. It only took six LONG weeks for the entire cast to figure out...slow down, take your time, and hold on to the rail.

Moving right along---
Ty and Chelsie-I was very shocked and surprised at Ty's amazing ability to work that hula hoop...wow...not even in my hay day was I able to keep up that rhythm. A man of many talents I see. As always, I enjoyed the segment about their rehearsal but once the dance started I was disappointed. I knew the judges would be very upset with the fact that the intro was entirely too long and all he did was line dance. When he did show some Jive elements he fumbled and fell out of step a lot. Sorry---too too bad. He is so charming and sweet but that can only get you so far. Now on to the judges and their comments for him. First off, I'm so glad Tom commented on Carrie Ann's ridiculous hair. My goodness that was bad. Secondly, I noticed that even though Len had negative comments about Ty he didn't come across as mean and hurtful---the moment Bruno opens his trap all I see flashing on my TV is---JERK ALERT JERK ALERT! Really Bruno, you have no business being a bully---my 5 year old nephew can drop you in 2 seconds flat. Lastly, Carrie Ann has called Ty so cute and adorable entirely too many times this season. I'm warning you missy---Jewel won't stand for much more of that. The minute her foot completely heals it will find a nice place on your face and she'll be yodeling while she does it. Overall, not the greatest but his positive attitude and good sportsmanship makes up for it all. Good job Ty!

Shawn and Mark--There is something so unbelievably creepy about those 2 together. ESPECIALLY THIS WEEK. It must be the dance. I was very very unhappy about all the rumba-ing those 2 did. I have one word for you that sums up this whole dance---UNCOMFORTABLE! For her---for me---for the entire nation. She's 17 (like she'd let us forget it) and her life consists of eating, sleeping, and gymnastics. I don't think this girl has even been out on a date and now you want her to dance the Rumba with creepy Mark??? Ewwww Mark's shirt grossed me out (leave those little numbers for Maks please) During the dance itself I imagined for a moment what her parents were thinking in that audience. They must be dying---watching their little girl dance the dance of love and passion at 17 years old. I literally curled up into the fetal position and cried out..."Stop Stop...I can't watch anymore"---Age appropriate??? For what age?? Not for 17 that's for sure. She did a good job but that didn't stop my uneasiness during the whole thing. One other thing I want to add about Shawn---Really???--You can't take one night off to go to your high school prom?? Oh stop the theatrics...it's such a pity vote move to play on our emotions and have us believe that you can't leave the show for one day and go to your prom. People fly back and forth throughout the whole season doing other things and you can't take one night off. RUBBISH!
DISCLAIMER---my camera man was working so I literally made this video by myself...enjoy. Oh---make sure you scroll down---pause the music and then come back and hit play. Some readers couldn't hear me last time--

L.T. and Edyta-Okay let's discuss the man's teeth for a moment. I see a total of 6 teeth in his entire mouth. Anyone else get a different number? Is that his football mouth guard? What's going on there?
Anyway---he needs to go home. He's not having fun, his attitude brings down the whole experience for me. Thank goodness Warren Sapp came by to bring us a little fun. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz--oh wait...I'm awake---is that a smile I see on L.T's face? Is he actually having fun out there? Once the judges got involved---I was so annoyed at Carrie Ann and her comment to Edyta about how thrilled she is that there were not lifts and that they don't need them. Excuse me jealous...when you're 5'9" and weigh a whopping 105 lbs and your partner is a freaking huge football player---you're feet are bound to come off the ground whether you want them to or not.----Grrrrr that woman. The scores were still low...but I loved how L.T. explained to us that the reason he's put us all to sleep that last few weeks is because they were given music without words and now finally they got a song with words....yeah that's it buddy.

Melissa and Tony--Hold the phone. Melissa actually doubted she'd be able to get into the romantic character of the Rumba. PAHLEESE---you sure didn't have any trouble making out with the Bachelor after 2 dates while he's dating 24 other women!!! I have no doubt in your abilities to make out on TV---none! Please tell me you all caught the pity moment of Tony reminding her she doesn't have a ring on her finger. Stop reminding America you were the rejected one...you've got a boyfriend and you're doing just fine.--No one is buying the victim business anymore. No one! I also noticed that her parents have no qualms about appearing on TV and being public---they constantly show them in the audience. For those who didn't watch the Bachelor...(I'm ashamed to say I did)---that was such an ordeal about her parents not being okay with being in public....well folks...you're now in public and I can guarantee you more folks watch this show than the other. I wonder if this show is fixed, too and they already know she wins the trophy---hmmm something to think about.

Derek and Lil KiMortica---my dear friend Suzy brought that up---there is a very disturbing resemblance. I wish I still had the photos...next time. She looks crazy weird. Oh dear---since when is Thelma and Louise set in the 1950's?? Thank you Derek for calling her out on that. IDIOT! Now on to the costumes and the music-- Are you kidding me? Is this what we've come to--making jokes about being in jail? Besides those few annoyances the DANCE ROCKED! It was so fast, so energetic and so so entertaining. However, I think that was probably more suited for a Free Style dance--but whatever, I'll let it slide. It looks as though Carrie BANNgs was the first to lose some jewelry on the show---I knew it was coming. I only have one question for Derek---was the jailbird mentioned in the song resting in your hair---it looks like the bird aviary is baaack.

Steve-O and Lacey--1st off---where are they rehearsing? A kitchen? I see a stove, a fridge...is this Steve-o's studio apartment? Oh gross---he's a farter? Nice real---nice! He's awful and he needs to go home. He looked uncomfortable in the dance, as well as puzzled and confused. He's a good guy and I'm shocked he made it this long and has been taking this whole show so seriously but seriously buddy---it's time.

I can't believe I'm gonna say this---BUT---is it possible that I have yet to comment on Samantha??? Wow...she didn't annoy me once. She's either getting better or I'm tuning her out completely now---I think it's the latter of the 2.

Jilles and Cheryl--Oh brother get ready for a love fest. I think Jilles needs to steer clear of wearing shorts on that show cause his little chicken legs were so frail and bony I thought they would snap in 2 while he showed us his soccer moves. Not a good look for you buddy. You know what else isn't a good look---those T-Rex hands he had throughout the dance which the judges totally commented on and Jilles, the golden boy, didn't care too much for. Boy---he sure doesn't like criticism much. I didn't like the music---but I think they made it work.

Chulianne--Ding ding ding---the time has come! I called it...you called it...the fight. Let me recreate it for you---Chuck calls her mean, she says she's not mean but aggressive, he doesn't think you have to be aggressive to teach someone, he says her being mean pisses him off--oh boy---oh boy is the honeymoon over? But of course they were gonna be good...come on...they were dancing the Rumba---the dance of love. It was one hot number. I needed a cold drink after watching that one. Did anyone else feel like they were looking in their bedroom window??? But anyway---Chuck never looked better. Not once did he appear feminine to me. It totally suited them (of course) and it was cute how Chuck said this was his favorite dance.

Who knew Lenny boy was such a prude. About their scores---I realize Chulianne had an advantage over the others this week because they are a couple and they obviously have chemistry but they were robbed of some good scores. They deserved a least a couple 9's. Jerks!

Well, folks---keep dancing and I'll see you next week.

Len-da

So long DAG...so so long---

I have to admit-- I didn't watch last night's episode. Can you believe that I actually forgot it was on? Wow---that's a first. I guess I was much too excited about "The Biggest Loser"--anyway that's besides the point. Poor David never got the credit he deserved so I'm happy he got sent home. All that hard work every week, and then no credit. Who needs to be put through that torture??? Not him. So long buddy---great job on losing 20 lbs!

Quick rumor alert. Word on the street is Julianne wants off the show! She's way to busy and can't seem to juggle it all. Also, she and Chuck are in some trouble romantically (who didn't see that coming?) I'll confirm when I get more details...but keep an ear out for it.

Later--

Week 5 Review---Wake up INCONSISTENT JUDGES!

Okay first off---let me just say, unfortunately I have no video for you all to view this week. My very sweet and very talented camera man (Mr. Isai) was working at his real job (not his fake camera man job) and so I was not able to get another video out for you all. But, I think it's safe to say---you'll have a video next week. I have a couple ideas. I hope it's worth the wait.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way---I'd like to start off with some general comments and observations.

1. Week 5 and we have another star trip on the steps. This one, I almost missed. Julianne had a teenie little slip right before the camera panned on to the next couple. I noticed most of the dancers and stars have realized the danger of this grand staircase and tread very lightly coming down. If you recall, the first couple of weeks...we had very bouncy stars just bursting out of their shoes coming down those stairs...now ---not so much. I think the contestants need to seriously get some cleats for that grand entrance.

2. Have any of you noticed they crazy things people choose to wear during rehearsals? It's insane. I'm not talking about the obvious Edyta leg warmers---I'm referring to the sweaters (while dancing---hello--sweat city), or the scarfs, the freaking blue jeans! and let's not forget the flowy shirts over the bras...weird weird stuff. It's so strange. Just pay attention.

3. It's official---Carrie Ann and Bruno annoy me! Bruno especially. He has always irritated me but I guess before, I must have been distracted by my Maks--so I let it slide--but since he departed so quickly this season I now have nothing to look at but bRUIN-o my night! He needs to be stopped. That BruNO one likes you has really struck a nerve with me this season. But, believe it or not...he's still better than Samantha. He's that judge I love to hate----Samantha---still can't interview.

4. The judges have their favorites (Melissa, Jilles, Shawn and Lil Kim) and so the rest of the crew should just give up now.

Now on to the dances:
1. Chulianne--I felt they improved from last week. I also felt Chuck or as B"rude"no calls him...Check had his pants painted on. Yowzaaas! I felt Bruno and Len gave fair scores but Carrie Ann on the other hand, (obviously couldn't see through her lion mane hair) because she was way off in her scores with him. And this was the first time all season and probably the last that I agreed with Bruno. Carrie Ann is the annoying one...not Check's dancing! I have to mention the "down on bended knee" comment that Samantha brought up in the red room. I will admit that for a small moment, I thought Chuck was gonna ask Julianne to marry him (the good old fashioned way---on TV)---but I soon realized it was just a part of her choreography. You know Samantha was probably thinking of what to say about it and then felt so witty in coming up with her comment of " was that bended knee showing us that you're one step closer to that commitment?"--What the heck Samantha---I think they've been dating a whopping 5 months or something. Chuck's answer was perfect--"No". Julianne put on a good face but I don't think she appreciated Samantha's comments or Chuck's quick "No"---
Samantha---"I think this is what they call a comment that...BACKFIRES." Nice try---try again.

2. L.T. and Edyta- The only thing I like about this couple is Edyta. Sorry, L.T. but you're so focused (or as Edyta would say faackused) on winning that it doesn't seem like he's even having a good time. It really turns me off to him. I was hoping they would give him good scores just to lighten him up a bit but---still no success. It's obvious the judges have their favorites and there is no getting them to change their mind about it. Poor, poor Edyta---no discoball trophy for you this season. Maybe season #26.

3. Shawn and Mark---Nice outfit---NOT---that was so unflattering (it made her manly back look way more manly in that V-cut tassel thing) She looked like she was 45 not 17. Eeks. Their dancing was good but Carrie Ann is very inconsistent in her judging. Are you the lift police or not? What's up with the (and I quote) "I'll let the other lift go because it worked with the dance." What?--I believe the other lifts people do also work with the dance...you moron. But instead we allow her to continue to dock points off other contestants for lifts---while others are okay because now she feels like it. Oh brother---I'm done with her.

4. Melissa and Tony-The moment I heard Melissa say, "It is so hard for me to be serious" I couldn't help but go back to that final after the rose ceremony on the Bachelor where she was "surprisingly dumped" (to this day---i think that whole breaking up on TV thing was soooo scripted) anyway---I laughed because she wasn't believable then trying to be serious and I highly doubted she could do it now. But much to my surprise she did keep a pretty serious face for most of the dance. ---About the dance---you might all remember that the Paso Doble is my absolute favorite dance and she didn't do it justice. She wasn't on her moves, she looked shaky out there. She wasn't precise or aggressive enough. They judges kept saying how difficult the routine was---well, I don't recall seeing any fancy footwork in the choreography like Maks used to give us. Paso Doble Dance + Maks = Best routine EVER!
Anyway--I thought her scores were bogus! Once again, proving my theory that these judges have their favorites and carry them through. One final thought, similar to that stupid backup dancer and her hair necklaces---I'm over the added glitter to Melissa's tramp stamp. OVER IT!

5. David Allen Grier (DAG) and Kym "crazy eyes" Johnson-- Correct me if' I'm wrong but were they not doing the Viennese Waltz? What's up with the Paso Doble face DAG??? Wrong face buddy---wrong wrong face. That little kick he did on the steps at the beginning was okay but his landing was awful. He looked like the 'I've fallen and I can't get up" lady. Overall, I felt like they did a good job. I think Bruno's comment about the--"you look like a dog by a lamp post comment" was once again very rude and uncalled for. DAG was not happy about that! Poor guy--give him some 8's already. He's a good sport and was once again robbed of some good scores. He did way better than Melissa but you'd never know it if you saw the scoreboard!

6. Jilles and the new homewrecker of the season CHERYL---Do you know why Jilles brought his son with him to rehearsal? It's Mrs. Jilles wife's way of reminding Cheryl that he's MARRIED! HE HAS A FAMILY! I'm telling you...something is not right with Cheryl these days. What's up with her low tops during rehearsals? Every single shot has her in something low cut. They did an excellent job and I loved the fancy foot work but I don't think it was totally necessary for Jilles to be dancing sans bollero jacket. Goodness gracious! Call me crazy but even though the dance was excellent---it wasn't perfect so thank you Len you old fart...from the bottom of my heart for being REAL and not being blinded by his sweaty bare chest! As for Bruno---SIT DOWN YOU CLOWN and keep your mouth shut!

7. Steve-O and Lacey-- Bless his heart---he's trying but he's no good. He can't keep up with her and he looks like he's always off. Let this be a lesson to you kids out there---This is a direct result of alcohol and drug abuse. It's nothing to be messed with. I hate how the judges baby him. I mean come on...they are so hard on L.T---so hard on DAG and then they are so sweet and loving with Steve-O---they are either afraid Steve-O will crack under pressure or they're a tad racist. Hmmmm something to think about!

8. Ty and Chelsie-- They are so funny together. I love the way they work off one another and it's obvious they have a good friendship. Unfortunately, the judges were right...he's way too stiff. WAY WAY too stiff. I hope he stays. I also loved the "it's like having a bull named Dancer" comment back to Samantha's dumb comment. He's pretty witty and clever. Come on Samantha---a dance about a bull fight and riding a bull are basically the same?--really? ughghhgagah

9. Little Kim (I refuse to call her Lil) and Derek--I have to admit our little ghetto jailbird is pretty good. She even got a standing O from Bob Sagot---that's something to write home to your inmates about! She did confirm something I had been suspecting all along...she's nuts. The drawing on the Buddha board sealed the deal for me. And let me ask you all this...since when is the Viennese Waltz described at sassy and sexy---uh excuse me...shouldn't that dance be elegant and graceful. Aye that Bruno...he's so inconsistent, too!

And I'll close with this one last thought...
Samantha----Buddha boards and Voodoo are not the same thing and they aren't even remotely related. Geez Louise!

Always consistent---
Len-da Isa-ba