A day late and a dollar short---

Okay guys...sorry again for my late reviews. Maybe if this gig came along with a paycheck I wouldn't be so negligent. Anyway, I was a sickly girl yesterday and pretty much slept all day. Don't worry folks it wasn't the swine flu---although my mother was convinced it was. We'll save that story for another day---on to the review.

We'll start with that gal that was missing in action--Melissa. I only want to say one thing about her...those Capri jeans she was wearing in rehearsals---hmmm---could they get any lower? I feared we'd see some curlies any minute. (pardon the crudeness...I'm still not all better and my mind is a tad fuzzy.) I couldn't believe Tony Dovoloni was almost crying during the interview with Samantha---normally I would say Samantha is so bad she made Tony cry--but this time I fear he wants the title so bad that he's going for the pity vote. Poor Tony---perhaps it's time he wins.

Little Kim--Last week she jumped up and down when Bruno called her ranchy (raunchy) this week she squeals with delight when he yells, "The bitch is back!!!" What is wrong with this deformed girl? I guess in prison that's what you long to hear...that you're a bitch?? No wonder my innocent ears can't comprehend it. She's a great dancer but it just doesn't seem right that Little Kim should be our next champ...sorry...but no.

Gilles---Has there been one episode where Gilles hasn't had his shirt off? Oh come on...I'm so over it. Do I really need to see the Dr. give you a cortisone shot in your shoulder with your shirt off, of course? No...what I do need to see is you dropping Cheryl on her head more often. That was pure entertainment. I'm sure Gilles was just distracted by your boobs coming out of your track suit!

Shawn--there is no way that girl is 17. She looks 40! Goodness. Judges--for the last time it is not appropriate for you to be saying how sexy Shawn is becoming and that she's now a little vixen when her mommy and daddy are in the audience. The girl is not even old enough to vote folks...let's not rob her of all her innocence okay? In my opinion, Shawn doesn't look natural out there. All her moves are way to precise and not fluid. She looks like she's just following a gymnastics floor routine. She goes from one move to the next and she looks way to mechanical. I know she's America's sweetheart but I must report the truth. I think Mark way out dances her, too.

Ty--That fool's got a six pack? Wow...who knew? I think he is so hysterical. I would love it if he won. He's so southern and his sense of humor is so dry and it just makes me laugh. I thought he did very well in both styles of dance. I definitely think he deserves to stay longer than Shawn and Chuck (yes I said it...and as well all know by now...he did make it longer than Chuck!) I loved the spray tan business. I also love the friendship between him and Chelsie. He's got my vote!

Chuck--Well, we all know his fate by now...but it's okay. He and Julianne are still a couple...for now...and well, he did improve in the last few weeks. I don't know if I'm too bummed he left. My prediction streak is officially over and that's okay. I'm too busy now--- writing reviews! This is the first season I haven't voted---perhaps that has something to do with my pick not winning. Does Len-da Isaba really have that much power???

The group dances---I liked them both. I knew the stripping down at the end of Team Mambo's dance wouldn't go to well with the judges---when will these people ever learn? I didn't think Team Tango deserved a 10 when Little Kim--big head--big butt had such an obvious mess up! Stupid, unfair, already have their favorites picked Judges!

Well, I guess that about covers it. Oh---one last thing about Samantha---I just love it when she asks the cast questions and then immediately cuts them off. What a tool. Notice how when she starts to speak the audience starts to get very loud and crazy---I think they are trying to tune her out! Either that---or the execs are turning off her prop mic. ha ha ha

Keep Dancing
Len-da

The latest review EVER!!!--so sorry!

Okay so I'll make this really quick because I'm sure more than half of you forgot what you saw last Monday on DWTS.

1. Chuck's boob grab was hysterical. I know a few of you gave me the heads up about it but I didn't imagine it would be soooo obvious and so soon in the dance. Good grief buddy---take a cold shower!

2. Samantha's blue dress looked awful on her...this brought be much pleasure!

3. The synchronized swimming scene with Gilles was ridiculous! I would be so humiliated if I had to get in that very loud and unflattering one piece bathing suit and then try to dance under water with Gilles. He's so thin that he would make anyone look humongo! EMBARRASSING!---Chery do us all a favor and zip up that hoodie you always wear. I don't need to see it...and neither does the married man who happens to be your partner.

4. LT put me to sleep yet again!!! So glad he's gone. In fact, I think the happiest I've seen him all season was when they told him he's done with the show! One more thing about LT---that group dance was funny, although what a poor sport. Just do the silly moves and stop the whining! I noticed he was the only one who didn't do the mini me signature pinky to the lip thing at the end...he had a peace sign held up to his lips instead...I was dying! Perhaps he should have been paying more attention during rehearsal and complained less about how stupid they looked.

5. Little Kim is the only woman who would take Bruno calling her raunchy as a compliment! Idiot. I can't stand her head. It looks like someone took a bicycle pump to her head and inflated only the top half.

6. Ty is still so funny and sweet but I fear his days are numbered. He can't do any of the Latin dances and that's appearing to be a problem. Too bad...but I did love their signature move during the group dance. Her as the bucking bronco and him as the rider. Funny stuff.

7. Tony and Melissa---I'm over her injuries...she came to the show with a broken heart (cry me a river) and now she has busted ribs...whatever!

8. Shawn and Mark---I don't get Mark's costumes at all...why does he always dress like the dork? Guess what Mark---YOU CAN'T PULL THAT OFF! so stop trying! Also, Shawn had to go to 2 different locations to accept 2 awards...great...but how is that considered "being on the road" this week? How long could that possibly take??? 2 days tops??? Just take the red eye---accept your award and go home and rehearse...I don't think you need to be gone all week to get your stinking awards.

I think I got all the couples... if not...well then...they are just that forgettable and don't deserve a spot on the review.

Until tonight...

Len-da

Week 6---Here and gone---who else is still shocked Steve-O is still here??

My first impressions---
1. Little Kim in a dance surrounding the theme of prison???--Wow---talk about not having to work on getting into character for this dance. However, I think she was wearing the wrong costume...stripes belong on the jail bird missy.
2. Check out Chuck wearing the lace. Not a bad look for the country singer...not a bad look at all.
3. Shawn--the moment I saw her costume I knew she was going to dance the Rumba. Why does a 17 year old need to do the Rumba??? Seriously...I think she's more suited for the jive. The kid isnt' even legal yet! Good grief. I was already worried.
4. Boo hoo the time has come....no slips on the stairs. How boring the beginning was. It only took six LONG weeks for the entire cast to figure out...slow down, take your time, and hold on to the rail.

Moving right along---
Ty and Chelsie-I was very shocked and surprised at Ty's amazing ability to work that hula hoop...wow...not even in my hay day was I able to keep up that rhythm. A man of many talents I see. As always, I enjoyed the segment about their rehearsal but once the dance started I was disappointed. I knew the judges would be very upset with the fact that the intro was entirely too long and all he did was line dance. When he did show some Jive elements he fumbled and fell out of step a lot. Sorry---too too bad. He is so charming and sweet but that can only get you so far. Now on to the judges and their comments for him. First off, I'm so glad Tom commented on Carrie Ann's ridiculous hair. My goodness that was bad. Secondly, I noticed that even though Len had negative comments about Ty he didn't come across as mean and hurtful---the moment Bruno opens his trap all I see flashing on my TV is---JERK ALERT JERK ALERT! Really Bruno, you have no business being a bully---my 5 year old nephew can drop you in 2 seconds flat. Lastly, Carrie Ann has called Ty so cute and adorable entirely too many times this season. I'm warning you missy---Jewel won't stand for much more of that. The minute her foot completely heals it will find a nice place on your face and she'll be yodeling while she does it. Overall, not the greatest but his positive attitude and good sportsmanship makes up for it all. Good job Ty!

Shawn and Mark--There is something so unbelievably creepy about those 2 together. ESPECIALLY THIS WEEK. It must be the dance. I was very very unhappy about all the rumba-ing those 2 did. I have one word for you that sums up this whole dance---UNCOMFORTABLE! For her---for me---for the entire nation. She's 17 (like she'd let us forget it) and her life consists of eating, sleeping, and gymnastics. I don't think this girl has even been out on a date and now you want her to dance the Rumba with creepy Mark??? Ewwww Mark's shirt grossed me out (leave those little numbers for Maks please) During the dance itself I imagined for a moment what her parents were thinking in that audience. They must be dying---watching their little girl dance the dance of love and passion at 17 years old. I literally curled up into the fetal position and cried out..."Stop Stop...I can't watch anymore"---Age appropriate??? For what age?? Not for 17 that's for sure. She did a good job but that didn't stop my uneasiness during the whole thing. One other thing I want to add about Shawn---Really???--You can't take one night off to go to your high school prom?? Oh stop the theatrics...it's such a pity vote move to play on our emotions and have us believe that you can't leave the show for one day and go to your prom. People fly back and forth throughout the whole season doing other things and you can't take one night off. RUBBISH!
DISCLAIMER---my camera man was working so I literally made this video by myself...enjoy. Oh---make sure you scroll down---pause the music and then come back and hit play. Some readers couldn't hear me last time--

L.T. and Edyta-Okay let's discuss the man's teeth for a moment. I see a total of 6 teeth in his entire mouth. Anyone else get a different number? Is that his football mouth guard? What's going on there?
Anyway---he needs to go home. He's not having fun, his attitude brings down the whole experience for me. Thank goodness Warren Sapp came by to bring us a little fun. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz--oh wait...I'm awake---is that a smile I see on L.T's face? Is he actually having fun out there? Once the judges got involved---I was so annoyed at Carrie Ann and her comment to Edyta about how thrilled she is that there were not lifts and that they don't need them. Excuse me jealous...when you're 5'9" and weigh a whopping 105 lbs and your partner is a freaking huge football player---you're feet are bound to come off the ground whether you want them to or not.----Grrrrr that woman. The scores were still low...but I loved how L.T. explained to us that the reason he's put us all to sleep that last few weeks is because they were given music without words and now finally they got a song with words....yeah that's it buddy.

Melissa and Tony--Hold the phone. Melissa actually doubted she'd be able to get into the romantic character of the Rumba. PAHLEESE---you sure didn't have any trouble making out with the Bachelor after 2 dates while he's dating 24 other women!!! I have no doubt in your abilities to make out on TV---none! Please tell me you all caught the pity moment of Tony reminding her she doesn't have a ring on her finger. Stop reminding America you were the rejected one...you've got a boyfriend and you're doing just fine.--No one is buying the victim business anymore. No one! I also noticed that her parents have no qualms about appearing on TV and being public---they constantly show them in the audience. For those who didn't watch the Bachelor...(I'm ashamed to say I did)---that was such an ordeal about her parents not being okay with being in public....well folks...you're now in public and I can guarantee you more folks watch this show than the other. I wonder if this show is fixed, too and they already know she wins the trophy---hmmm something to think about.

Derek and Lil KiMortica---my dear friend Suzy brought that up---there is a very disturbing resemblance. I wish I still had the photos...next time. She looks crazy weird. Oh dear---since when is Thelma and Louise set in the 1950's?? Thank you Derek for calling her out on that. IDIOT! Now on to the costumes and the music-- Are you kidding me? Is this what we've come to--making jokes about being in jail? Besides those few annoyances the DANCE ROCKED! It was so fast, so energetic and so so entertaining. However, I think that was probably more suited for a Free Style dance--but whatever, I'll let it slide. It looks as though Carrie BANNgs was the first to lose some jewelry on the show---I knew it was coming. I only have one question for Derek---was the jailbird mentioned in the song resting in your hair---it looks like the bird aviary is baaack.

Steve-O and Lacey--1st off---where are they rehearsing? A kitchen? I see a stove, a fridge...is this Steve-o's studio apartment? Oh gross---he's a farter? Nice real---nice! He's awful and he needs to go home. He looked uncomfortable in the dance, as well as puzzled and confused. He's a good guy and I'm shocked he made it this long and has been taking this whole show so seriously but seriously buddy---it's time.

I can't believe I'm gonna say this---BUT---is it possible that I have yet to comment on Samantha??? Wow...she didn't annoy me once. She's either getting better or I'm tuning her out completely now---I think it's the latter of the 2.

Jilles and Cheryl--Oh brother get ready for a love fest. I think Jilles needs to steer clear of wearing shorts on that show cause his little chicken legs were so frail and bony I thought they would snap in 2 while he showed us his soccer moves. Not a good look for you buddy. You know what else isn't a good look---those T-Rex hands he had throughout the dance which the judges totally commented on and Jilles, the golden boy, didn't care too much for. Boy---he sure doesn't like criticism much. I didn't like the music---but I think they made it work.

Chulianne--Ding ding ding---the time has come! I called it...you called it...the fight. Let me recreate it for you---Chuck calls her mean, she says she's not mean but aggressive, he doesn't think you have to be aggressive to teach someone, he says her being mean pisses him off--oh boy---oh boy is the honeymoon over? But of course they were gonna be good...come on...they were dancing the Rumba---the dance of love. It was one hot number. I needed a cold drink after watching that one. Did anyone else feel like they were looking in their bedroom window??? But anyway---Chuck never looked better. Not once did he appear feminine to me. It totally suited them (of course) and it was cute how Chuck said this was his favorite dance.

Who knew Lenny boy was such a prude. About their scores---I realize Chulianne had an advantage over the others this week because they are a couple and they obviously have chemistry but they were robbed of some good scores. They deserved a least a couple 9's. Jerks!

Well, folks---keep dancing and I'll see you next week.

Len-da

So long DAG...so so long---

I have to admit-- I didn't watch last night's episode. Can you believe that I actually forgot it was on? Wow---that's a first. I guess I was much too excited about "The Biggest Loser"--anyway that's besides the point. Poor David never got the credit he deserved so I'm happy he got sent home. All that hard work every week, and then no credit. Who needs to be put through that torture??? Not him. So long buddy---great job on losing 20 lbs!

Quick rumor alert. Word on the street is Julianne wants off the show! She's way to busy and can't seem to juggle it all. Also, she and Chuck are in some trouble romantically (who didn't see that coming?) I'll confirm when I get more details...but keep an ear out for it.

Later--

Week 5 Review---Wake up INCONSISTENT JUDGES!

Okay first off---let me just say, unfortunately I have no video for you all to view this week. My very sweet and very talented camera man (Mr. Isai) was working at his real job (not his fake camera man job) and so I was not able to get another video out for you all. But, I think it's safe to say---you'll have a video next week. I have a couple ideas. I hope it's worth the wait.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way---I'd like to start off with some general comments and observations.

1. Week 5 and we have another star trip on the steps. This one, I almost missed. Julianne had a teenie little slip right before the camera panned on to the next couple. I noticed most of the dancers and stars have realized the danger of this grand staircase and tread very lightly coming down. If you recall, the first couple of weeks...we had very bouncy stars just bursting out of their shoes coming down those stairs...now ---not so much. I think the contestants need to seriously get some cleats for that grand entrance.

2. Have any of you noticed they crazy things people choose to wear during rehearsals? It's insane. I'm not talking about the obvious Edyta leg warmers---I'm referring to the sweaters (while dancing---hello--sweat city), or the scarfs, the freaking blue jeans! and let's not forget the flowy shirts over the bras...weird weird stuff. It's so strange. Just pay attention.

3. It's official---Carrie Ann and Bruno annoy me! Bruno especially. He has always irritated me but I guess before, I must have been distracted by my Maks--so I let it slide--but since he departed so quickly this season I now have nothing to look at but bRUIN-o my night! He needs to be stopped. That BruNO one likes you has really struck a nerve with me this season. But, believe it or not...he's still better than Samantha. He's that judge I love to hate----Samantha---still can't interview.

4. The judges have their favorites (Melissa, Jilles, Shawn and Lil Kim) and so the rest of the crew should just give up now.

Now on to the dances:
1. Chulianne--I felt they improved from last week. I also felt Chuck or as B"rude"no calls him...Check had his pants painted on. Yowzaaas! I felt Bruno and Len gave fair scores but Carrie Ann on the other hand, (obviously couldn't see through her lion mane hair) because she was way off in her scores with him. And this was the first time all season and probably the last that I agreed with Bruno. Carrie Ann is the annoying one...not Check's dancing! I have to mention the "down on bended knee" comment that Samantha brought up in the red room. I will admit that for a small moment, I thought Chuck was gonna ask Julianne to marry him (the good old fashioned way---on TV)---but I soon realized it was just a part of her choreography. You know Samantha was probably thinking of what to say about it and then felt so witty in coming up with her comment of " was that bended knee showing us that you're one step closer to that commitment?"--What the heck Samantha---I think they've been dating a whopping 5 months or something. Chuck's answer was perfect--"No". Julianne put on a good face but I don't think she appreciated Samantha's comments or Chuck's quick "No"---
Samantha---"I think this is what they call a comment that...BACKFIRES." Nice try---try again.

2. L.T. and Edyta- The only thing I like about this couple is Edyta. Sorry, L.T. but you're so focused (or as Edyta would say faackused) on winning that it doesn't seem like he's even having a good time. It really turns me off to him. I was hoping they would give him good scores just to lighten him up a bit but---still no success. It's obvious the judges have their favorites and there is no getting them to change their mind about it. Poor, poor Edyta---no discoball trophy for you this season. Maybe season #26.

3. Shawn and Mark---Nice outfit---NOT---that was so unflattering (it made her manly back look way more manly in that V-cut tassel thing) She looked like she was 45 not 17. Eeks. Their dancing was good but Carrie Ann is very inconsistent in her judging. Are you the lift police or not? What's up with the (and I quote) "I'll let the other lift go because it worked with the dance." What?--I believe the other lifts people do also work with the dance...you moron. But instead we allow her to continue to dock points off other contestants for lifts---while others are okay because now she feels like it. Oh brother---I'm done with her.

4. Melissa and Tony-The moment I heard Melissa say, "It is so hard for me to be serious" I couldn't help but go back to that final after the rose ceremony on the Bachelor where she was "surprisingly dumped" (to this day---i think that whole breaking up on TV thing was soooo scripted) anyway---I laughed because she wasn't believable then trying to be serious and I highly doubted she could do it now. But much to my surprise she did keep a pretty serious face for most of the dance. ---About the dance---you might all remember that the Paso Doble is my absolute favorite dance and she didn't do it justice. She wasn't on her moves, she looked shaky out there. She wasn't precise or aggressive enough. They judges kept saying how difficult the routine was---well, I don't recall seeing any fancy footwork in the choreography like Maks used to give us. Paso Doble Dance + Maks = Best routine EVER!
Anyway--I thought her scores were bogus! Once again, proving my theory that these judges have their favorites and carry them through. One final thought, similar to that stupid backup dancer and her hair necklaces---I'm over the added glitter to Melissa's tramp stamp. OVER IT!

5. David Allen Grier (DAG) and Kym "crazy eyes" Johnson-- Correct me if' I'm wrong but were they not doing the Viennese Waltz? What's up with the Paso Doble face DAG??? Wrong face buddy---wrong wrong face. That little kick he did on the steps at the beginning was okay but his landing was awful. He looked like the 'I've fallen and I can't get up" lady. Overall, I felt like they did a good job. I think Bruno's comment about the--"you look like a dog by a lamp post comment" was once again very rude and uncalled for. DAG was not happy about that! Poor guy--give him some 8's already. He's a good sport and was once again robbed of some good scores. He did way better than Melissa but you'd never know it if you saw the scoreboard!

6. Jilles and the new homewrecker of the season CHERYL---Do you know why Jilles brought his son with him to rehearsal? It's Mrs. Jilles wife's way of reminding Cheryl that he's MARRIED! HE HAS A FAMILY! I'm telling you...something is not right with Cheryl these days. What's up with her low tops during rehearsals? Every single shot has her in something low cut. They did an excellent job and I loved the fancy foot work but I don't think it was totally necessary for Jilles to be dancing sans bollero jacket. Goodness gracious! Call me crazy but even though the dance was excellent---it wasn't perfect so thank you Len you old fart...from the bottom of my heart for being REAL and not being blinded by his sweaty bare chest! As for Bruno---SIT DOWN YOU CLOWN and keep your mouth shut!

7. Steve-O and Lacey-- Bless his heart---he's trying but he's no good. He can't keep up with her and he looks like he's always off. Let this be a lesson to you kids out there---This is a direct result of alcohol and drug abuse. It's nothing to be messed with. I hate how the judges baby him. I mean come on...they are so hard on L.T---so hard on DAG and then they are so sweet and loving with Steve-O---they are either afraid Steve-O will crack under pressure or they're a tad racist. Hmmmm something to think about!

8. Ty and Chelsie-- They are so funny together. I love the way they work off one another and it's obvious they have a good friendship. Unfortunately, the judges were right...he's way too stiff. WAY WAY too stiff. I hope he stays. I also loved the "it's like having a bull named Dancer" comment back to Samantha's dumb comment. He's pretty witty and clever. Come on Samantha---a dance about a bull fight and riding a bull are basically the same?--really? ughghhgagah

9. Little Kim (I refuse to call her Lil) and Derek--I have to admit our little ghetto jailbird is pretty good. She even got a standing O from Bob Sagot---that's something to write home to your inmates about! She did confirm something I had been suspecting all along...she's nuts. The drawing on the Buddha board sealed the deal for me. And let me ask you all this...since when is the Viennese Waltz described at sassy and sexy---uh excuse me...shouldn't that dance be elegant and graceful. Aye that Bruno...he's so inconsistent, too!

And I'll close with this one last thought...
Samantha----Buddha boards and Voodoo are not the same thing and they aren't even remotely related. Geez Louise!

Always consistent---
Len-da Isa-ba

Uhhh Excuse me Cheryl...

But the man you claim you've had the most chemistry with EVER---is MARRIED! You hussy! What is going on with Cheryl? I remember when she was partnered with Drew Lachey and there was talk that she was busting up that marriage, then there were reports about a little kissy kissy with Gerard Butler, then my Maksy...I'm not liking what I see or what I hear. And let me tell you this..if I was Gilles wife and I heard that declaration of "I've never felt this chemistry with anyone---ever---on the dancefloor. I didn't see anyone else in the room but you"---(yeah no kidding...you didn't see his wife in the front row either!)---anyway, if I were Mrs. Gilles...ooooo baby...watch out. She'd be toast!

Last night was by far the best elimination night because I think Samatha spoke less than 30 w0rds all night. 30 words too many---but still, I'll take what I can get!

I think you'd all like to know that one of the professionals that danced last night was Carrie Ann's ex. How awkward must that have been.

Didn't Boys II Men have 4 group members...Did we lose one?

And last but not least...hurray hurray Karrrina has gone away!

Until next week...