Week 3--Cryfest 2010

Welcome back to another exciting installment of what Len-da thought of the show. Boy oh boy where do I begin??? My pencil was leaving a trail of smoke from all the notes I was jotting.

Let's get right to it.

Intro--
Very uneventful, no near falls or slips but the typical pan across the stars and pros always gets me excited cause I know someone will do something silly or typical. This brings me to...

Kate--we know you have a bazillion kids so no need to constantly remind us and mouth I heart you every stinking time the camera pans across your face.


We also had a nice little treat of having 3 pro couples show us the dances we would be seeing throughout the evening. Did anyone else do a double take on one of male dancers??? I was like...Maks...is that you? No it wasn't. But he looked oddly familiar and so I assumed that guy must be his brother, who by the way is also a pro dancer. Sure enough, it was him. Val Chmerkovsky--it's nice to see that uh--hmmm--talent runs in that family.

We also saw Dmitry, Lacey, and that no name borefest blonde Anna from last season. A nice little touch to show us the proper way to Paso, Watlz, and Quickstep.

Okay...on to the couples

1. Evana- This was the first time that I actually found Mr. Monotone himself quite funny. He might be growing on me. But seriously Evan, if a thick accent is what you desire, you my dear, have been paired with the wrong girl. The only person who can fulfill that simple request is our very own Edyta. I tried to upload my Edyta video for you again and of course it wasn't working so, if interested you'll have to go to the archive and find the Week 4 installment from 2009. It might take a little searching but for some it may be worth it. Back to Evana...I enjoyed the dance and thought the task of telling a story was beautifully and simply done. Good work you two! Good work!

2. Buzz and Ashly-Oh dear, I knew our resident gramps was in for another rough ride when he requested he take a video of Ashly so that he can study the dance steps, first we have dance maps and now videos. Oh boy--poor thing. I definitely enjoyed the walk...I can't quite call it a dance cause well, we all saw him walking but the song was sweet and the story was touching----so for that, I say bravo. BRUNO on the other hand is way to mean to him. Give it a rest you freaking bully! I thought it was very sweet for Ashly to keep whispering things to Buzz after the beating he got from those cranky judges! I was shocked she didn't pipe up and say something nasty. But...she's a professional and she knows the drill. I must admit, I almost want Buzz to leave just so I don't have to see him be torn down by the judges over and over again. Now that I've protected and babied Buzz enough...I do want to send him a quick message. Hey Buzzy---you need to move your hand down a tad okay? You're practically cupping your "daughters" breast as you wait backstage for your scores. Tsk tsk pervie...

3. Jake and Chelsie-I can barely stand to look at him these days. He is so immature. Is that how you plan to communicate with Vienna when your 15 minutes of fame are up and you have to go back to your limo driving job? Walk away huffing and puffing!? Hmm? Is that the form of communication you prefer? It's clear those two are not speaking the right Love Languages to one another! Also, Jake...I realize Chelsie is younger than you and in most cases the whole, "Respect your Elders" business applies--BUT she is the professional here! Not you. Her teaching you, pushing you and demanding you to perform is not disrespectful it's COACHING! GET IT? If you ask me, you're the one that's not showing your teacher respect. You undermine her authority time and time again and I just can't stand that! Anyway, with that said, the dance was cute, I feared there might be one too many props for Len but it seemed to be okay and well received. I'm sick of seeing Vienna in the audience, and finally--HOLY MOLY MAKEUP, Chelsie!!! Me no likey!

4. Niecy and Louie-OKAY OKAY--hold the phone. I realize the whole format of the show does involve some politics. You've got the whole voting business and campaigning for votes from America...fine...okay...but leave your stinking agendas and propaganda at home, okay? This isn't the forum for Prop 8 subliminal messaging, capeesh? But since they started it...I'll try and make my point and opinion on the subject as clear as they did. One man, one woman, one lifetime. I'll let you figure out where I stand. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can discuss a few little things about Niecy and Louie. First off, the way Niecy was going on and on about the whole I would be DEVASTATED if I couldn't be with my boyfriend because of race business---how many of you all thought her man was a white dude?? Yeah so did I. Come to find out...he's not. A little too emotional even for me. That twirl/lift thingie they did was way awkward. I don't think I would have had any idea about the message or story they were trying to convey in the dance had they not cried about it for a good 15 minutes during rehearsal--so I'm not sure they accomplished that challenge---but all in all...it was okay. I really wish Carrie Ann would just judge the dance and not the inner feelings and emotions of every duo. Give it a rest already.

6. Cheryl and 85-Surprise...surprise...Cheryl's story for the dance is that he wants her and she doesn't want him. When did you become that girl? The one that thinks she so good and everyone wants her? 2 trophy balls have gone to her head BIG TIME! I disagreed with the judges completely. I did not find his dancing improved at all. He looked off and weird. I guess I'm ready for the countdown of 85's exit to begin! One quick request let's start the count at 10 instead of 85.

7. Pam and Damien-I find it hard to believe that Pam cried all night long after being in the bottom two? Seriously Pam, that's a little much! I was waiting for the PETA campaign to rear it's ugly head and BAM there it was. Hey...don't get me wrong... I LOVE ANIMALS...they taste good. But really, I don't think anyone, even Bull fighting spectators actually think Bull fighting is okay. BUT WHATEVER...more importantly...my dream and request came true!! Well, sort of!---CHARO--cuchi cuchi CHARO...was on the SHOW! I squealed with delight. She would be an amazing contestant! I'd vote for her any day. I just wish ABC would admit they read my blog. I mean come on...how many of my requests have made it on that show? Too many to count! The Charo subtitles were hysterical! Thank you ABC for bringing Charo on the show. Please please, call her back as a contestant! A quick note about something Carrie Ann said regarding Pam knowing her body! Uh yeah...thanks captain obvious...for pointing that out to us.! She knows her body and so does the rest of the world! And as expected...we had yet another sexual innuendo from Pam backstage..."I want to keep Doing it...and doing it...and doing it..." It's not cute. It's stupid! It's a family show missy... No surprises with that one.

8.Edyta and Aiden--First, Aiden's little girl was too stinking cute! Second, did I actually see Edyta eating cake? No, I didn't. It was an optical illusion. I saw a plate and I saw a spoon, but not actual cake---so just in case your eyes played tricks on you, too. You didn't see what you thought you did. Okay...now about the dance. Who could freaking even concentrate on it with that horrible rendition of Train's Soul Sister screeching in the background? I think a couple of my windows shattered in the process. Couldn't that singer bring the notes down an octave or 12...yikes. It literally made me cringe. Clearly, it also put the judges in a sour mood (popping an eardrum will do that to anyone) cause they still seem to be Aiden haters. Geez guys...he's not that bad! BUT that song...WAS!

9. Erin and Glutenous MAKSamus--(how is it I never called him that before...it seems so obvious!) I know you've all heard that Erin is getting death threats...you all know why, right? A crazy mob of Maks fans feel she's encroaching on their man, that's why!...ease up with the flirting and maybe you won't need extra security! AND no...I'm not a part of or the leader of the death threat brigade, just in case some of you are wondering. I also read an article last week about how Erin claims that Maks has the sweetest smelling sweat. Don't I know it? He just looks like he smells good. Now on to last night's performance. First off, that security shirt he was wearing was hysterical. There was a fake little radio on the shoulder, too! Uhhh.. Maks honey, that's not the security Erin needs, okay? I agreed with Len...when the music started and the dance began, I literally said, "Are they ever gonna start the Waltz?" 10 minutes of fluttering around like butterflies was annoying! I also didn't really appreciate the whole blindfolded business. What's the story? Another hidden campaign against peeping Toms? (Ha...that was funny. I crack myself up.)

10. Kate and Tony-First off, why is Kate always one of the last contestants to go on? Just get her over with. She's not good and she's not the happiest person to watch. I found it a tad irritating at how she thinks she's the only one being followed around by paparazzi. Well, her and Jake. It was so stupid to see him nodding his head in the background as though he could sympathize about how terrible it is to be in the spotlight---YET both of you chose to do reality shows MORE THAN ONCE! I don't see any of the other stars complaining about the fame? Kate and Jake both love it and they know it. When Kate said to the acting coach that she's not allowed to show emotion I practically threw the remote at the TV! You? Never allowed to show emotion??? REALLY?? really?? I seem to recall quite a few outbursts of anger in crowded stores with your family where you yelled at your husband as though he were a 3 year old! Channel that into your dancing and you'll do better. She was AWFUL. She doesn't even look like she wants to be there. I don't get it. It was just as Carrie Ann said, HARD TO WATCH! I also can't stand how mean she is to Tony. He kept telling her how great she did and she couldn't even take a compliment. I hope she's out this week.

11. Derrick and Nicole-Ease up on the cussing Nicole...ease up. I love how the best dancer on the show has absolutely nothing to whine about so she makes up some ridiculous story that she can tell Derrick is stressed. He didn't look stressed to me? It's clear she took a few lessons from the other drama queens. If I cry, cuss and complain...I get to go on last and get the most airtime. RIDICULOUS! I was happy Len brought them down a couple notches with that 6--but Bruno giving them a 9 for doing a free style dance instead of a Quickstep---really burns me up!

Well folks...that about covers it for this week. Tune in tonight for Rachel's favorite...Reba McEntire!!! ha ha ha--Rachel hates Reba! I hope she does better than the Beach Boys...those fools need to retire and pronto!

Keep Dancing...
Len-da Isa-ba