Week 4 --A night of newsflashes!

Did I mention I love the "new and improved" grand staircase??? I love it! I anxiously await the presentation of the couples every week as they come bouncing down those steps. This week I noticed everyone was taking it easy and thought to myself..."oh man--we're not gonna have a fall this week"---I love when I'm wrong! Did you all see Karrrrrina almost eat it? I'm telling you---this girl will do anything to get off this show. She's willing to take a major tumble down the stairs just to be done with the Woz! Come on..how many near falls do you have to see to learn --slow it down! Too darn bad! I guess the Woz has pretty good reflexes. Great. The guy is a total space cadet but he has good reflexes. GREAT---that's just great!

Okay I didn't think it was possible for Samantha's voice to get any lower than it already is but...once again I was proved wrong. Good grief!---You're sick? Stay home and stop infecting others...outbreak monkey!

Okay now on to the dances:

David Allen Grier (DAG) and Kym--
Not much to say here, except how the heck do they expect DAG to Lindy Hop in a freaking tuxedo! I mean---come on---suspenders, bow tie, and a cumberbun??? He can't move with that restricting costume. Not to mention it didn't even match Kym's outfit. Stupid wardrobe people. The other hoppers last night all had very elasticy type clothes and poor DAG is dressed like a waiter. Nice. Real Nice. SABOTAGE! He really needs to start playing up the fact that he's funny cause when he's serious he's boring!
Notice when Bruno starts to give his criticism (just for the record---that little pip squeak is really out of control and mean this season---He's totally cruisen for a bruisen) DAG looks like he's gonna tear his head off. It's quite funny, actually.
Oh and I thought it was so nice of Carrie Ann to point out that he's an "old cookie"---Excuse me missy---weren't you on that hit show "In Living Color" together back in the day??? That makes you an old cookie as well! Idiot!

Lil' Kim and Derek
Okay much like her mystery mole that changes every week...so does her look. Was that the same trash---err girl as last week? Oh brother, I loved how Lil' Kim's biggest challenge this week was not smiling. Here's a thought on how to wipe that smile of your face---why not think of your time in the hoosegow? That should bring back some awful memories right?---Oh yeah right...her time in the Big House was spent with her "girls" watching Dancing with the Stars there...rough life! I noticed the mole was significantly smaller this week. I knew that sucker was a fake. I also noticed she needs to lay off the mascara just a tad--good grief I thought I saw spiders coming out at me. Also, Len got just a tad excited describing that dance. Whoa buddy---whoa.
The dance was quite good, I must admit but was it worth a 10?---not so sure!

Chuck & Julianne (Chulianne)
First off--was her hair pink? Secondly---hey there Chucky...NEWSFLASH: I have a weird fear of falling on my head, too and so does everyone else. A fall on the head = oops you're dead! In his defense I will say the idea Julianne had of him flipping over her---come on Miss "I weigh 70 pounds" what are you thinking? Oh and I think it's safe to say that Bruno thinks he's a dancer this season! NEWSFLASH:--You're a judge Bruno! Nothing more!

I noticed Samantha was getting sicker by the minute and while interviewing Chulianne she apologized by saying, " A sick kid at home=sick mom at work" cue the coughing on Julianne. I guess we should expect to see Jules in the ER next week with Strep. NEWSFLASH Samantha: Stay home and give us a rest... I mean...and get some rest!

Edyta and LT-
LT is way too intense. In fact, I can't even accurately describe them this week so...here's a message from Edyta:

Overall-- it wasn't too spectacular---kinda a snoozefest!

EXCUSE ME but Boys II Men are the entertainment for elimination night! Oh brother. Are they still a group? I think they should call them Men II Old Men.

Chelsea and Ty--This is the first night I saw Ty as a loose cannon. He was a little too excited to throw Chelsea around. Watch out turbo...you're not a bull and she isn't' riding you...okay? However, I thought they did a good job. He's totally improving with every week that goes by. I love Chelsea's bumpit by the way...(it's a hair accessory that gives her that little bump in her bangs--and I have one, too!---go bumpit's go!)

As the night progressed and Sam was harder to hear...I was beaming! BEAMING.

Karrrina and Whoa-zniak--Question---Why do they bother asking anyone over 55 years of age to complete in DWTS. They aren't in the same league as the others, they never really make it far, and the judges are so brutal with them. The poor contestant is just asking to be ridiculed by signing up to be on the show. Now about the performance itself---I guess, Karrrina's awful hair last week wasn't' just the style for the dance---it's a bad perm. Who still gets a perm? Come on? Hey Harrrina---the chick from Flashdance called...she wants her hair back! As for Steve Whoa-zniak --that man is so weird...so so weird. He doesn't' even flinch when they tell him he STINKS. Stupid Bruno...I can smell your nasty BO from here!

Melissa and Tony-Don't give me that bull that dancing doesn't come easy for you. It so does and there is no shame in someone calling you a natural. I could have done without her face in Tony's crotch but whatever. I did notice they are always glitterifying her tramp stamp tattoo. Now that's classy stuff. Two 10's---wow..she did mess up a bit but I guess the difficulty alone was worth 10's. Very good dancing.

Holly and Dmitry--I think the pain you are feeling in your ribs might have something to do with the size of your chest. Just a thought! Sorry Holly---but it's time to go...you fell off the chair..while sitting on it???---oh dear. If you can't do that...you sure as heck can't do the dance. I'm also really over the constant giggling. I know that's how she deals with the negative feedback---but it really is like scratching a chalkboard.

Steve-O and Lacey---I'm surprised he's so stressed about a chaotic dance. He defines the word chaotic. I think the guy is going through withdrawals cause he's acting weirder and weirder by the minute! I did laugh at his --"Gosh, darn, dang it, golly gee, what the hey?" comment---that's definitely more family friendly than the beep beep beep beep from last week. The dance started okay but then got progressively worse and I noticed not one lift. I know his back is all tweaked but compared to the other couples...their dance was WEAK! Although, I did notice that there truly is only one Jackass on the show---he's short, he's mean, he's got a very thick accent, and he's gay. --Bruno strikes again. What a punk.

Oh I feel I need to mention that Tom was really on a roll with all the (pun definitely intended) "voice cracks" Samantha was experiencing. I think he's over her, too.

Gilles and Cheryl--I had to laugh when he said, "I feel I do have an advantage in this dance because I can act!" Showing your ding dong to the world doesn't make you an Oscar winner...just an Oscar Wiener! heh heh heh The dance was very good and I knew they would get all 10's. Cheryl was loving every minute of it.

Carrie Ann has entirely too many hot flashed during the show...hmmm payback for your "old cookie" comment perhaps?

Shawn and Mark--Boy oh boy---she gives a whole new meaning to the word THICK. I don't know why Mark was playing the nerd character again--didn't get it. And I must agree...although I loved watching her cool gymnastics...this is a DANCE competition...not a gymnastics meet...sorry...better luck next time.

Well, folks...hope you have a great week and that you enjoy the hit band Boys II Men tonight...(do you sense my sarcasm??)

Until then...keep dancing

Len-da

Today I'm in mourning...

Of course I'm devasted that Maks's air time was so short BUT--the moment I heard he was paired up with Denise, way back before the show even began---I knew he never stood a chance. No one is going to vote in favor of a homewrecker who exploits her children! Not even for Maks.

The best part---how humiliating for Denise to be booted off before Steve Wozniak. COMPLETELY HUMILIATING.

Also, a message for Maks. You will always hold a special place in my heart but until you lose that fiancee of yours---your fans have definitely spoken.

Until next season for you Maksy...until then. XOXOX

Week 3 Review

Hello fans---no time to waste.

First off, let me just say that I've had a few select friends ask me why I harbor so much anger and resentment toward Samantha---let me address this quickly.
Her strengths:
1. I will never say that Samantha isn't beautiful---cause she is.
2. She has a good body (but she needs to lay off the weights just a bit)
3. She has good hair and good clothes (But---so would any of us if we had her job.)

My issue with her is she sounds like a man and she's a horrible interviewer. Her questions make no sense, she isn't quick and she isn't witty---she just doesn't have that natural, easy-going feel that Tom has. It's a weird mix. Tom doesn't miss a beat. He fires back comments to the judges, he comes up with silly jokes in between the other mumbo jumbo---but Samantha comes across as trying wayyyy to hard to be funny, clever, and quick and her trying is futile cause she usually doesn't succeed at being any of those things. But---because my readers like Samantha---I'll try to lay off. I'm not promising anything---but I'll try. So---now that I've settled that--we can move on.

I know you all saw Gilles fall down the steps. This is the 3rd week and the third little slip we've witnessed. So, my dear friends, I think it's safe to say this "so called" new and improved staircase is my new favorite thing on the show! HYSTERICAL! I couldn't stop laughing. I could just imagine someone rolling all the way down the steps (like our very own little Leo---that's for Suzy). I'm waiting patiently for that ambulance to arrive for that accident. It will happen. Just you wait!

Next--Crazy Hairrrrrina. What the heck was up with Karina's hair? Well hello there Ms. bad perm. It was awful. She looked awful. And of course that made me happy.

And speaking of awful---the music last night was atrocious. Eeeks---the songs selected either didn't go with the dances or the musicians sounded weird singing them. All around bad!

Now on to the dances:

Denise and Maks-
Her hair looked like a rat's nest. I think she let her daughters play with it before her performance. She still looks unbelievably awkward out there. Her timing was way off and she knew it. Of course Maks (who showed us that he's very secure in a dress---as he should be--and that he has a little sense of humor--I never doubted you honey!) rocked it out there but while doing that he completely out danced her and it showed! While the judges were scoring---you can see Denise's bulging vein on her forehead about to burst! Watch out folks...she's gonna blow! I thought Carrie Ann and Bruno were right on and Len was wayyy too easy on her!

My favorite part of the whole Maks and Denise thing...besides Maks of course...was Tom questioning Carrie "hairy" Ann's ability to accurately see what really went on due to the very new and very thick set of bangs she sported. Gotta love Tommy! Speaking of Tom, I noticed he was holding the microphone but not using it. So pointless. Just as I figured... a stupid prop.

Sorry guys...my "trying" is over! I'm sure you all noticed that Maks thinks Samantha sucks at interviewing, too because he flat out mocked her during her questioning---that's my man!

Chuck and Julianne-
Well, he did look a tad feminine in the performance so I guess he did well, right? He had some pretty good moves, he looked much more comfortable out there. So far, I'm happy to see the two haven't called it quits but she's very competitive so let's cross our fingers their relationship makes it through this show. I felt the judges comments were very fair. I also thought it was pretty amusing to see Bruno say, "I actually started to see you Danth." Nice lisp buddy! Once again---I'll avoid the obvious zinger here---Bruno with a lisp...too too easy! Well, folks---I think Chuck is proving to be a competitor---go Chulianne!!!!

I did notice something during the Samantha "borefest"erviews---that no one really listens to what she's asking--they basically use that time to schmooze the audience and fans watching and say what they want. Sammy should just hand over the prop mic and say---"Is there anything you'd like to say to your fans?" Really...I would if I had nothing clever to say (which of course would never happen).

Good golly you're awful Holly and Dmitry-
She's way too skinny and frail. She looks like she's gonna snap in two. During her shimmy sessions I was afraid one of her boobsters would come flying out! In fact, I think there were entirely too many references to her boobs. When a gay guy goes there...you know it's too much. But I did hear she calls the "gals" Hugh and Hefner (after all...he did help pay for them---okay that's a lie but it was funny---Eat your heart out Samantha!) And what a punk her partner is...way to throw her under the bus Dmitry. Tom said it best and quite sarcastically (I might add) when he said "Holly can now be assured that Dmitry doesn't want Jewel back" Good going newbie...good going!

Steve-O and Lacey-
beep beep beep beep beep beep beeep beeep---sorry I couldn't stop cussing...no wait---that was Steve-O. Poor guy, he's trying so hard and he's still having trouble. I never thought this guy would take this show so seriously. He started out great and then one mess up after another, then he got frazzled, nervous, and hurt again! My goodness Jackass! You jump off of buildings, let cars run over you, taze yourself, shoot bean bag guns in your stomach and you can't handle DANCING?!?!? What the beep beep beep beep beep beep beep? --But seriously, I felt bad for him. He tried so hard and he gen-U-EYEnly looked like he was in major pain (yes, I'm making fun of the way Carrie Ann said the word genuine.) And on the making fun of Carrie Ann note...I couldn't stop laughing at the fact that she thought she was holding up the "You Rock" sign which is also considered the devil's sign to some-- but instead she was holding up the "I love you" sign. Marlee Matlin must have been so confused. heh heh heh. Comedy---pure comedy!

Oh and Lacey besides that horrid unflattering dress---don't ever call Steve-O babe again! He's not your boyfriend! Okay Julianne and Chuck!

LT and Edyta "Smoking body" Slavinska (who cares how you spell it)-
LT---how adorable are you?---giving up your golf game to get the dance just right. And I believe it paid off tremendously. That man's got some moves. What's up Emmett Smith? Samantha made another boo boo in the red room. She said, "I guess it was worth giving up your golf lesson for those scores."---Uhhh excuse me...golf lesson?? no...golf game! Tsk tsk tsk...open your ears girl and focus!

Shawn and Mark-
My dear friend pointed out that when Shawn talks the only part of her face that moves is her lower jaw. Why don't I just prop her on my knee and practice the art of Ventriloquism. Just watch. That aside...she did beautifully. She's definitely doing well. She also listens to her partner and judges and applies the tips they have to offer. Man oh man is this girl trained! Well guys, I have yet another Samantha blunder to report---sorry guys... I guess this wasn't the week for me to try and be nice to her. I just loved her question, " How is dancing different than gymnastics?" REALLY??? You can't tell? Oh brother! And then Shawn's response was, "Well in gymnastics I do flips and here I dance" Did you all see what Samantha did after that?? Let me refresh your memory. She said, " Uh yeah, of course"--a tad annoyed at the obvious answer. You want a better answer...ask a better question.

Gilles and Cheryl-
Not much to say here. They did great. Cheryl definitely likes Gilles and let's us know it. In fact, Carrie Ann said it best when she said, "She hasn't seen Cheryl like this for a while"- Well, that's because she actually stands a chance this season! Did I hear Bruno refer to Gilles as a red, hot, throbbing something??? I really didn't catch the last word cause I was cringing the whole time! Oh Bruno...calm down.

David Allen Grier and Kym-
He did a great job but he has to know he won't be this season's winner. He hasn't really done anything to stand out---other than be funny. I really need Carrie Ann to stop making references to her "In Living Color" days---Okay 2 snaps up...Let me give you a bit of advice. The star of In Living Color does not remember a back up dancer! LET IT GO!
The hundredth mistake Samistaka made was when she called David a Tony winner and sadly he had to correct her and say, "Nominee"---way to go Sam...way to go.

Steve Whoa-zniak and Hate-tina-
Give it up buddy. He actually thinks he has a shot. I mean...look at the torture he's putting himself through. Karrrrina doesn't really care that he's hurt...she's faking---she's secretly hoping this humiliation comes to an end. Okay and precisely at 1 hour and 21 minutes I saw this butt on my screen...did you see it??? well, you did...only you might have noticed that this butt was really just a close up of Steve's leg bent at the knee...My mouth dropped and I was convinced it was something else. Rest assured folks...it was just his leg. It was very funny though. --Did anyone else think that? Come on ...admit it. Oh dear and that worm....that dreadful little worm he attempted. Painful to watch. Karina blew the ending on purpose...she wants out. She threw herself on the ground. She'll do anything to be out of this commitment. and you know what missy---I'll do anything to mess up your commitment to Maks. The judges were right in what they said about him but my goodness---they were way harsh. I know, I know...I'm pretty brutal myself---BUT at least I have the decency to put it in writing and not say it to his Gazillion dollar face! heh heh heh. He's a good sport and he's rich. He'll be just fine once he's voted off...just fine.

Who does that back up singer think she's fooling---we know that crap you put on your head are all necklaces...all of them. I don't think I'll be mentioning her again. It's not even a surprise anymore. Just know---every week...when you see her..I'm one angry gal!

Melissa and Tony-
Since when does a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader have a cubicle? Isn't your office the gym or the field? Anyway, during the dance, I noticed some fools walking on the brand new and improved staircase---ooops caught-cha! She is a natural. They did very well and Tony is just beaming that he finally has a partner that is going to go far. They didn't care for Carrie Ann saying "Dancing obviously comes naturally for you"---comment did they?---well who are they kidding?..it does come naturally for her. She may not have ballroom danced before---but she is a natural. What? You don't know how to take a compliment anymore? Did our Bachelor ruin that for you, too??

Lil Kim and Derek--
Trash---total trash and Kim's pretty sleazy too! ha ha Seriously, the one thing those 2 have in common is the same eyebrows. A question--is that thing on Kim's lip a real mole, a fake mole, or a lip piercing? I swear that thing moves around. Moley Moley Moley! Oh my goodness and now for the best part of the whole entire evening!!! Did you all catch that while they were getting the scores in the red room Lil Kim jumped too much and her nipple pasty was showing?!?!? Please tell me you all caught that? Oh my goodness. Then as if that wasn't enough---Derek flat out cupped her breast.---well cupped isn't the right word cause his hand isn't that big...I guess we'll say he rested his hand on the boob whose pasty was visible. You know who else noticed---his co-stars behind him. They were busting up. Julianne brought it to their attention...HYSTERICAL!!!

Ty and Chelsea--
It's official. I love this guy! Wouldn't it be great if he won? The underdog! It's too bad Chelsea fell but he handled it perfectly! He kept going and didn't mess up much which surprised me. I tried to vote for him and it was busy busy!

Last night was a good episode but if I had to listen to one more phallic innuendo from Bruno I was gonna wretch!--I know you heard them, too. Bruno--enough is enough okay!

Until next week---
Keep Dancing...

Len-da

The results show

I really do hate results shows. I hate the recap shows EVEN MORE. Hi, we just watched the full 2 hours yesterday and now you want me to watch the same thing the next night wrapped up in an hour?? Hmmmm---if you can squeeze all the action in one hour why not do that from the very beginning. For goodness sakes---can we drag this thing out any more???

The results show is just as annoying. Just tell us who's going home!--If you really insist on adding some special guest singer and some professional dancing---great! I fully support that but the other filler is just annoying! The results can easily be cut down to 30 minutes!

As for the results show--I am a tad surprised that Blah-linda was the first to go, but I'm not too bummed. She wasn't good and it was only a matter of time. As for the other couple in the bottom two--I give it one more week.--I think this was the first time I saw Karina disappointed that she WASN'T voted off. Well, actually, she always has that scowl on her face so who knows what she's thinking.

2 things I'd like to address:
1. Jewel's rendition of "Some where over the Rainbow" made me want to stab my ears! Please don't ever take a well known classic and add your yodeling crap to it. It sounded off key the entire time. Call me the tin man if you must---cause I appear not to have a heart but seriously--was it just me or was that awful?
2. The only thing about that performance that I did enjoy was---the dancing between newbie pros Dmitry and Chelsea. They were phenomenal. They gave me chills. I like this Chelsea gal more and more with each minute that passes. I hope Ty continues to do well and improve cause he's so charming and sweet. But---only time will tell.

Oh and I simply must comment on the dress Samantha wore---POCKETS??? on an evening gown?---Oh dear. If I had to see her crazy buff arm tucked into that pocket one more time I was gonna die. DIE!

See ya next week!

Week 2--A week of improvements

Hi friends,

This week was definitely a week of improvements over all.


Let's begin with some general observations.

1. Lil' Kim's hairdo gives the phrase Helmet Head a whole new meaning. She looked like Princess Leah and Darth Vader's love child. My word.

2. I noticed they spruced up their scoring paddles. Glitter huh? They must have had some left over from Melissa's tramp stamp glitterification last week.

3. Cheryl almost ate it coming down the stairs this week. Last week it was Shawn, this week it was Cheryl---mark my words--someone's taking a tumble down those steps this season and you can bet I'll be waiting and ready to rewind over and over again.

4. Does Steve the Nerd really have to wear pink all the time? It's so not flattering on his Tweedle Dee/ Tweedle Dum body.

5. I noticed Steve-O and his horse teeth were missing---let me guess another injury. I also noticed that Lacey really has lost a lot of weight. I'll admit I'm starting to get a little tired of these "injuries"--wimps. The moment I heard, "We'll reveal what happened to Steve-O later on in the show"-- I basically sat back and expected to hear about him the last couple minutes. Come on ABC---you're not fooling us on that one again.

The Dancing...

1. Holly and D'mtry--She claims they feel like total strangers and she needs to get to know him better. Here's a thought Holly---if you're interested in breaking the ice with D--why not take him to the playboy mansion or show him some of your pictorials---that will definitely take away the, "I feel like total strangers" feeling. Just a thought. Anyway--her dance wasn't that good and I felt her scores were entirely too high. She was dragged around and trying to catch up to D'mtry the entire dance---that deserves an 18? Really? Oh and her annoying giggle---yeah that needs to stop.

2. David Allen Greer & Kym--The needing subtitles for Bruno and the impression of Bruno were priceless. Bruno, however, disagreed---he was a little snarky with funnyman Greer. Oh well, get over it. I felt his scores were way to low. He did way better than Holly---WAY better!


3. Denise and Maks--What is up with her?? She looks way weird! You know what else was weird?? The fact that Maks had his pants pulled up to his man nipples. What the heck? You know I'm the first to say that man can get away with anything, usually, but those pants...yikesarama---I blame Karina. How can she let him go out like that? I would never allow my man to look that foolish on or off TV---EVER! I hate to say this but I need Denise to stay on a tad longer so she can do what she does best---ruin relationships. Come on sweet cheeks...you can do it. If you broke up one of Rock and Roll's longest marriages (Locklear and Sambora) you can do this!

A quick comment to ABC---please refrain from putting Karrrina in the direct shot in the green room while other contestants are getting their scores. I don't want to have to look at her if I don't have to. She can wait outside.

4. Belinda & Jonathan---Okay first off---did you all catch that Tom used my pun. Where are my royalties baby?? I so said, "Will Belinda dance as if Heaven were a place on Earth?"---Our sense of humors are so similar--obviously we make a much better duo than him and SaMANtha. Oh and Jonathan...are you a professional dancer or a trained counselor? All that mumbo jumbo about feelings and expressing yourself, showing your personality---blah---Just teach her to dance and GoGo get that trophy (Tom, don't be stealing my GoGo get the trophy comment or you're dead). Bruno showing Blah-linda to dance and saying you gotta go for it, go for it...go go go---what a nutzo! My face was priceless---as I'm sure yours was, too. One final thing about Belinda---she looks a little Priscilla Presley to me and that worries me...what's up plastics? Ooops I got personal, Belinda---care to call on another session with Dr. Jonathan the current Smooth Champion. Okay I lied...I have one more thing involving Belinda but it's really a comment against my nemesis--Samantha-poo. Thanks for offering to hold Belinda while she gets her scores. I know something you can hold---Your breath for an hour!

5. Ty and Chelsea--You want them to quick step? Geez Louise, they couldn't even high five properly at the beginning of their dance. I was immediately worried after that blunder--BUT much to my surprise he did great! He definitely used that new "concentration" face Chelsea taught him---that or he was in total shock that he was actually pulling this off. Have I mentioned?-- I officially like Ty. I want him to hang around a while. He's so sweet. What was up with Bruno saying, "It's better, but Ty---you are still made of hardwood."---Hardwood??? Whoa there Bruno---you know what--- I won't even go there---it's way to easy.

6. Shawn and Mark-- She's cute, real, honest about how silly she feels shaking it, and positive. I like all those things. During rehearsal I was starting to think ...hmnm maybe Mark should be the girl and Shawn could lead him--but over all they did pretty great. I think she's way to precise in the way she moves...typical gymnast mentality-- it's all about "Oh no...I hope I don't get a tenth of deduction for my little errors"---Let the brainwashing continue. The dance itself...well, I think she could have shook it more...for sure. And I agree with Bruno---she needs to be more notey (naughty) much more notey (naughty) ha ha.

7. Steve and KaRRRRina--Oh dear! I'm so embarrassed watching him. He looks---hmmm---how can I say this...he looks---uh...different. No social skills---he's unbelievably awkward. A word to the costume folks---no more suspenders for him okay?---So not flattering. It was nice to see the end of the awkward dance reach completion with Karina's bottom hitting the ground. woo hoo. I'm shocked and appalled that they gave David Allen Greer the same score as him. David was much better---he was robbed. You can hope for change all day long---you were robbed buddy.

8. Julianne and Chuck--I loved that he called Derek a girl. LOVED IT MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW. He's super adorable and it looks like they are enjoying themselves--but as I was watching the performance I thought...hmmm--he doesn't look feminine enough--which worried me because I knew by that fact that the judges wouldn't like it. After 8 seasons---you know what they do and do not like. Wouldn't you agree?


9. LT and Edyta--That chickie can wear a burlap sack and her body still would rock. Dang--she looks amazing! Anyway---LT is hard core and he did a great job. Good for him.

10. The Steve-O announcement, ladies and gentlemen, only took 1 hour and 21 minutes of show time. Geez--all that fuss. So he fell on his mic pack and is currently sitting on an inflatable donut cushion watching his fellow competitors. I think I summed up the "big news" about his injury in less that 60 seconds.

HOLD THE PHONE--There are official DWTS rules?? What official rules?--They so make this stuff up as they go along. As for the dance we saw during dress rehearsal--- I had no idea what dance they were doing--Bad sign!

11. Lil Kim and Derek--The stretch for her was to be prim and proper this week huh?---Well, that should definitely pose a challenge for this ho. She's anything but prim and proper. If you think I'm being too hard on her--let me remind you of the "slutty strip moves" she showed Derek during rehearsal. Oh yeah, that will definitely give you points in elegance and grace. I'd like to bring attention to Lil' Kim's body for just one moment---I've never seen buttocks that can be mistaken for breasts---my word. Get that girl a butt bra. I mean geez louise she's an hourglass in every sense of the word. I guess that's not a bad thing but I felt I must make mention of it. After watching her dance---I must admit she did look more refined and elegant than I thought she would be. But still---she's Lil' Kim---who showed up to some award show years ago with nothing on but pasties. No no no...

12. Melissa and Tony--Choo Choo---Keep riding that 15 minutes of fame train honey cause it's working for you. Milk it for all it's worth while you can, cause you can bet your bottom dollar that once this is over, that's the last we see of her. Especially with a new Bachelorette already cast for next season. She definitely is a great competitor, looks like she's having a total ball out there, and brings it to the dance floor. She'll be a good one to watch. Many of you have expressed that you think she will go all the way. Well, it is possible---but I'm sticking to my guns. I think Julianne and Chuck take it home this year. My winning prediction streak is over anyway because of that wretched Misty May--so if i lose---ah well. I don't have any money riding on it. Let me conclude the Melissa section by saying, "Was I the only one who was completely and utterly disturbed by Len admitting she had him gyrating on his seat?" Ewwww thanks for the visual Lenny. Thanks.

Sidenote #1---So right around 1 hour and 47 minutes I start to think---Oh my goodness. Is this going to be the first night without our African queen and her outrageous forehead displays and then BAM--possibly the biggest one I've ever seen catches my eye. It looked like a piece of foil taped to her head. Good griefage---what on earth are you trying to do here? If you hate your forehead so much---cut yourself some bangs but I implore you---stop the madness!

Sidenote #2--I noticed Melissa was wearing a ring on her left ring finger backstage---is our poor heart broken rejectee---already engaged to someone else???--3/4 of her entire appeal to America is that she was dumped on national TV---if she's already moved on and engaged--she'll lose the votes. Watch. Just watch.

13. Gilles and Cheryl--Okay buddy...really??? Is it necessary to take off your shirt for Cheryl (who apparently is a doctor for the show now) to inspect your shoulder?? Let me guess, that's the only way she could properly examine that what you have sore muscles---who doesn't?---give me a break! As for the score---it was like clock work--- 9...9....9---cue Cheryl jumping on her partner. Sooooo predictable.

Well friends, that concludes it for this week. I'm thinking Steve the Computer guy will leave us tonight--It's time for Whorrina to leave anyway. It really is.

Until next week---keep dancing.
Len-da

Another day...another injury...

Apparently Steve the Nerd has a fractured foot. Don't worry fans---he's cleared to continue competeing. Thank goodness!

I guess the doctor knows it's only for one more night anyway. heh heh heh

I couldn't help but chuckle when I heard the news about this so called injury that (dare I say it?) almost took him out of the competition. I immediately thought of Karrrrrina "makes me want to drink some" Smirnoff rejoicing at the possibility of getting a new and improved partner for the competition---WELL HA missy! No doing! You will just have to deal with leaving the competition early on---and the rest of us ---celebrate!

I'm excited for tonight!

Season 8 Night 1

I guess this season we're gonna change the name of the show to Dancing with Anyone who's been on TV--The term “stars” loosely means---if you’ve had 15 minutes of fame you’re considered a star in Hollywood. Hey, I was once on the channel 4 news and actually spoke to a reporter---I better dust off my dancing shoes and wait for my formal invitation to join the cast next season. A Bachelor rejectee as one of the stars?? And Steve the Apple Nerd??? Come on!

With that said…Welcome back friends and fans of DWTS. I have to admit when I first heard that cast of "so called" stars I wasn’t too pleased but after watching the first night---once again they’ve hooked me in. I was pleasantly surprised by last night’s show.

Before the actual reviewing begins I'd like to address some general observations first.

Samantha Harris not only has a man voice (I seriously check for an Adam’s apple every time she speaks) but now I can see she’s got man shoulders, too! Good grief…lay off the weights chickie…it’s getting a little too masculine for me. Oh and night of the orange cast is what we should call this first episode. Those spray tans are getting worse and worse and more and more orange! They looked like oompa loompas dancing around. Yikes. Especially, Lacey---I almost adjusted the color on my TV---it was absolutely awful.

My next general observation is that we’ve had a couple pro dancers shed some pounds this season haven’t we? Cheryl and Lacey are noticeably thinner. I guess they were over all the scuttle butt about their weight last season. Well, ladies you looked good then and you look good now. Way to go.

Next item up for discussion---When the “stars” came down the grand staircase---I noticed a little fall by the little contestant Shawn Johnson…of course I laughed. I also noticed that when they were all standing in a line and the camera panned over all of them--- that they had to lower the camera significantly to get little Shawn in the shot. I’m sorry, but that was hysterical!

And finally I did manage to see a teenie clip of the band and singers and although there wasn’t a close up---I saw our loud and proud African queen in the distance…or I should say…I saw her crazy head piece from a distance. All I know is---it was red, it was huge, and it was back! We’re in for an entire season of it. Brace yourselves.

Now that I got some of the general stuff out of the way---I can move on to the “stars” First up…

Derek and Lil’ Kim

Oh my goodness. Between his horrific hair and her shout out to the “ladies of the detention center” I was dying. It looks like we have only the highest quality of stars on this show! Wow—is this something to be proud of? The way she was sporting that orange jumpsuit and talking about how she watched this show while she was in prison with her “girlfriends”—really? That’s what my tax dollars are paying for? Popcorn and TV time? GRRRRRRR How sick that there was no shame in her voice about her past. Just for kicks---I looked up why she was incarcerated and the reason is…she lied to a grand jury about a shooting—she got the minimum sentence of 1 year. Just a little trivia for you.

Belinda and Jonathan

Wait a second!--Jonathon is currently the smooth champion??? That’s a category? Smooth is hardly the word I would use to describe that partnership---Poor poor Belinda---she didn’t do so well. She looked like she was walking half the time and then that turn/spin at the end where she was working so hard to keep both feet on the ground???—good grief it looked like her knees buckled and he was fighting to hold her up. Egads!

Edyta and LT

I just loved when Edyta said, (please add your own Edyta accent in for effect) “I’m known for bringing seduction to the floor” Really? You are? I thought you were known for slutty outfits, crazy head bands, ridiculous leg warmers, and the most annoying accent on this planet? As for their dancing…I thought they did pretty well, he had some moves and he looked good out there for the first night---I thought Scary Ann (props to my girl Lisa for that appropriate title) and Bafoon-o (Bruno) were way too hard on him. It is only the first night folks. When annoying Bruno added his 2 cents about the performance-- it was hysterical to watch LT try and figure out what he meant. I don’t think any of us knew what the heck he was trying to say.

The Jackass Steve-O and Lacey the self-proclaimed Rebel (whatever)

I see he got a new set of dental work for th show's premiere---I’m sure that has to do with his very daring lifestyle. Anyway—I loved the part when he said, “I have a lot of things working against me---1. I’m very Caucasian, I have absolutely no balance, and I have scrawny ankles…” that was funny stuff. I also liked that the so called rebel Lacey—was much calmer this time around. I think she’s finally getting it through her orange head that this show isn’t about her. It’s good to see Jackass on something so wholesome. This will probably do good things for him and his self esteem. Way to go Steve-o---I’m all for getting yourself healthy! I would still watch my back if I was anyone connected to that show!---He’s a prankster and you can bet something will happen during the course of the season.

Gilles and Cheryl

Whoa girl---calm down---she was a little too focused on making the dance sexy and sultry. “Are we lonesome tonight Cheryl dear?” GET A ROOM! However, that aside--- I thought he did great! I could have done without his fingers going from her neck, down in between her “hills” all the way down to her bellybutton. Why did they include that craziness at the end? The music was over---it wasn’t even a part of the dance. Oh brother. If this is the first dance…can you imagine what is in store for us down the road?? Yikes! Another thing about good ole' Cheryl---anyone else notice how she always jumps on her partner at the end of the dance?? Calm down sister…just calm down!

Julianne and Chuck

How cute are they?? I have to say, this might be a bad idea for them. I mean, this can get very stressful and it’s gotta be hard to take orders from someone you love. I hope they are still together at the end of this whole thing. Anyone happen to count how many times the word baby came out of their mouths? That might get annoying. What I think will be fun to watch is Julianne’s reaction to negative comments from the judges. She’s usually really protective of her partners and can get a little snarky with the judges (yes adorable Julianne does have a mean streak—she rolls her eyes and argues back with the judges)—No one better talk trash on her man cause she’ll scratch their eyes out---and rightfully so!

Sidenote:---The little segment included on the sicklies (Jewel and Nancy) of the group was priceless. Whenever I see Jewel I can’t help but think—fix that snaggle tooth already!!! You have the money for it! So, last night, as I was watching I said those exact words to my TV—and my sweet hubby says, “I’ve heard that singers usually stay away from doing anything drastic to their mouths because it might change the way they sound”---something like that and my response was simple---“Jewel---it’s worth the risk---FIX THAT TOOTH!” ---(Okay it's official-- I suck---but anyway moving on...As for Nancy—okay, we get it, you’re injury is serious. I loved her big knee brace and how she had to give us total details on the fact that she needs surgery and that she’ll be in rehab 6-8 weeks…okay okay…we believe you. (not really)

Back to the couples:

Holly and Dmitry

I know…I know…this goes against everything I stand for but I actually like her. I know she’s been in Playboy and bared it all 5 times too many---she’s been living with Hugh Hefner, and lives a life of hedonism but for whatever reason---she doesn’t give me that same icky feeling that Kim Kardashian or Shannon Elizabeth gave me. Perhaps it’s because she’s not pretending to be someone she’s not. She knows her life is offensive to many and she owns it…versus the other 2 who tried to fool the fans of their innocence! I hope she improves by the next dance. Her little cutie of a partner might just give Maksim a run for his money---those crazy Ukrainians are good looking guys. Oh one more thing--he definitely needs to button his buttonless shirt and stop sneaking peeks at Holly’s PEAKS. “wink wink”

Ty and Chelsea

Can we say awkward? He’s so uncomfortable out there. Maybe if we put a bull between his legs he’ll loosen up and feel right at home. I thought his little analogy of “this is like bull riding, you’re never completely ready but then it’s your turn” was too cute! I believe I saw a little boob grab of some sort---but he was so awkward that I might have imagined it. I noticed he messed up pretty bad and then tried to start over but it was no good. Poor thing. His face looked so sad during the comments from the judges. You know who else’s face looked anything but happy?—Jewel! The part where that Carrie Ann said, “You are one cute cowboy…” ooo missy---if looks could kill. Watch it Carrie Ann---she may have a busted foot but that other foot can still find your cougar ass and give it a good kick in the pants.

Sidenote 2: You’ll notice up until this point… I didn’t have too much to say about my nemesis Samantha—I noticed the key to me tolerating her is filling the 2 hours with dancing and giving her as little air time as possible. Well, as expected, she did manage to do something that bothered me. OF COURSE. She asked Ty a question and then literally gave him 2 seconds to answer it and cut him off! Nice interviewing skills missy—real nice.

Shawn Johnson and Mark

She’s definitely our youngest and our buffest contestant by far. Whoa baby---Layla Ali and Misty May have nothing on her baby! Since gymnastics is technically in a Romanian’s blood—and since I am indeed Romanian---I feel immediately connected to this little girl. Although, I have never ever done any gymnastics nor can I even do a cart wheel---but anyway, how sad was the comment about how in gymnastics you’re taught to never show emotion because it’s a sign of weakness. What’s up brainwash?? Way to go Bella Carolli---wait, he trained Nadia---whatever…Bruno doing the gymnastics arm was hysterical. I loved his face.

And now folks---comes the part---that literally sealed the deal that Maks and I are officially over! Before going to commercial---he kissed Slutina Karina on the cheek..lovingly---arggggggg KILL ME NOW! He’ll have to do some major damage control on that one to get back in my good graces!

Steve the Nerd and Karrrrina

Oh my word, that was so painful to watch. Talk about awkward. He made Ty look like a pro. I will say that with every moment of the dance that passed I saw Torrina, Slutina, breakmyheartina slowly slipping out of the competition. It feels wonderful to know she won’t be on for long. BUT I guess that will give her more time to plan that dreaded wedding to my TV husband---oh Maks...why are you doing this to me?? The one other good thing about the poor brilliant sap looking like a complete moron out there was the fact that it brought me comfort to think…hey he may look like a fool but he’s got billions that probably make up for that. I didn’t think Bafoono the Italian smurf had any right calling Steve the Nerd a Tellie Tubby---not cool.

David Allen Greer and Kym

He was a little funny---kind of obnoxious. I practically puked when Carrie Ann said, “Good to see you again”---oh yeah, I highly doubt one of the stars of In Living Color remembers a stupid fly girl….oh that Carrie Ann---taking lessons from Samantha.

Denise the Homewreker Richards and my sweet brainwashed Maksy

Waterworks already??? Oh give it up..no one feels sorry for you. Hey just a thought, since homewrecking is in her past---perhaps she can end this so called engagement between Maks and Karina. Do your stuff---NOW!

Melissa and Tony "Crest White Strips" Dovalani

Number 1--She’s not a star! And number 2---she had 2 days to put that routine together??? ANOTHER LIE FROM THE BACHELOR!!! I’m really not at all surprised to hear yet another lie from that stupid show---another one I refuse to believe. Oh wow….did you all notice how they glitterified her tramp stamp??? Nice huh? Real classy. Melissa, one question for you???---Do you really want to be a loser on TV twice??

Now on to the part you all wait for....My prediction for the winner of season 8 is-----Julianne and Chuck---if they don’t break up before the season ends. They will be the ones to go all the way…why? Because they are freaking adorable, they obviously have chemistry, and she’s got the fan base! The other contenders are Gilles and Cheryl, Tony and Melissa, and Shawn & Mark---but it’s so gonna be Julianne and Chuck.

There you have it.

Until next week, keep dancing...

Len-da Isa-ba

Welcome Fans and Readers

Hey there folks,
Welcome to my new blog! This blog will be dedicated to my reviews and other news on a fan favorite show-- Dancing with the Stars.

I'll include a weekly review of the performance nights, possibly some reviews on elimination night and definitely any news I get in between on anyone related to the show.

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