Season 10 Stars Line Up

Well ladies and gents---I'm back and better than ever! Finally--- a season worth watching! I'm not saying I'm thrilled about all our stars (more on that in a minute) but hey---there is a definitely some interest that's been perked in me.

I know many of you already have this information if you endured the freaking 3 hour spectacle of the Bachelor Finale last night---but what you don't have is my thoughts on the cast. I hope it's worth your time.

So without further delay---it's time to list all our "stars".

Let's begin with the fact that we still don't have a definite answer on Tom's new co-host. Notice, last night Melissa (move on already) Rycroft was announced as his special guest. Oh just make a decision already. It's not like whoever gets picked has some MAJOR shoes to fill. PAH-LESE! Do we all remember Samantha's mind-blowing interviews? You don't??? EXACTLY! So---as far as I'm concerned I can't be certain Melissa is it. I hope ABC makes a decision soon---all this flip flopping and agonizing is a little to Bacheloresc for me---and don't get me started on that. IN FACT, I have so much to say about that pansy Pavelka that I will save him for last.

1. Chad Ochocinco--don't know him...don't care---But I guess we'll include him in the line up since he is paired to 2 time champ Cheryl Burke and he is the staple football player we all expect to see. How about a basketball player or hockey?---CHANGE IT UP ALREADY!

2. Aiden Turner--some Hottie McNaughty from All My Children. Good ole' Edyta is paired with him. It must be in her contract to get the hot guy. She pretty much gets the best looking stars---well---for the most part,

3. Erin "I was peeped at" Andrews--Big whoop-For someone soooooo violated you sure don't mind getting up in front of America and wearing next to nothing...that's a smart move. Don't misunderstand me folks---I do believe she was a victim and that sicko needs some major help but I'm sure she's not the only woman peeped on. Come on now...you're in the public eye and you're good looking---how dare you change in your private hotel room!? It is important that I back this gal because she is paired with my Maks. So for that reason and that reason alone I like you. I'm also celebrating beyond words at the fact that Kate is not with Maks as I first predicted---or with Pam "Dirty Hep Queen" Anderson.

4. Buzz Aldrin--That fool isn't dead??? HUH? I mean seriously, wasn't he like 60 when he walked on the moon 4 decades ago? (if that even happened---ha ha ha) and how sad for him to be known as second person to walk on the moon---couldn't good ole' Neil say..."On the count of three we jump out!"--Stinking KILL JOY! But anyway---he's old and fragile and he'll be dancing with Ashley Costa (is this the former Ashley Delagrosa??---I think so. It will be nice to have her and her caterpillar eyebrows back)

5. Niecy Nash--She's the chick from Reno 911. I think she's on some other gig too---some clean house show. She's paired with Louie Van Amstel.

6. Shannen Doherty--Oh yeah...BRENDA WALSH baby---90210's resident bad girl. Love it! A little fact about her is she was married to Ashley Hamilton for like a hot second. For those of you that don't remember Ashley---let me assure you he IS a man and he was on DWTS for the same hot second last season? the season before that? Oh who cares...he was the first one booted out whatever season he was on. I guess it's trendy to have 90210 alums on the show---so ABC when do we all get to yell "Donna Martin GRADUATES!!!!"??? Is she signed on for next season? Brenda is paired with Mark Ballas. She'll eat him alive. And speaking of eating...what's up with her teeth? Some thing is off...way off.

7. Evan Lysacek--You all know him....he won the Gold in figure skating. It was figure skating right? I mean the only thing I recall about the Vancouver Olympics was the Shamu Attack---Oh wait...that wasn't even an event! Yeah...so I admit it...I didn't watch. Evan will be dancing with Anna Trebunskaya.

8. Nicoloe Scherzinger--She's the lead singer for the group Pussycat Dolls. So she basically, looks good and can't sing. I'm a little irritated because HELLO ABC---she's a dancer!!! Come on...what is she doing on there? She can't possibly last long cause who really cares about the Pussycat Dolls except adolescent boys? and I'm pretty certain those boys are not watching DWTS. She's partnered with Mr. Annoying himself...Derek Hough!

9. Pamela Anderson--I don't even have to say much about her...we all the know basic facts: she's got big boobs, she flip flops between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock, she's a PETA fanatic, has 2 boys, and Hepatitis. Oh yeah...and she was on Baywatch and in Playboy. She's partnered with a new dancer Damian Whitewood. Whoa what a gig---your first season on DWTS and you get Pam DAMN Anderson??? What a resume booster!

10. Kate Gosselin--(imagine the most disgusted look on my face as you read this)---she'll be annoying us in just a matter of weeks. Ugh...I literally just upchucked. I know...I know...having her on the show is good TV---I get it....but do you know what would have been GREAT TV?? Having her ex Jon on there!! Too bad ABC---you should have thought of that! The two exes competing...HOW AWESOME! But wait...who would watch the kids? Oh that's right...the 7 billion nannies they have. I will admit that I'd rather have her earn a living by dancing on a hit show...than have her put a picture book together of her kids with a little captions that say, "Hannah---my little Angel---may you always follow your dreams" and have it wind up on the BEST SELLER list. Oh please! Just in case you don't know how I feel about her...I would love ---LOVE--for her to be the first contestant booted off. That would be so amazing. Go home and raise your kids! They've been exploited enough! She's paired with Tony Dovolani. Poor guy.

11. Jake "On the Wings of PUKE" Pavelka--Okay, first off---I'm embarrassed to admit that I watched the Bachelor---but in watching said show I now have a perfect opinion of him. He's a moron! He's boring. He's ridiculous. He's a crybaby. He has horrible judgement. HE'S A CLASS A JERK. I am so sick of him boring me to death that I just can't imagine a new show with him on it. I mean really---do we need to see more of this wavering "I love you...no I love you...no wait...I love you both...but I still love Ali, too, and I love my mom and I love Gia" horn dog? NO--we do not! I'm very very worried about sweet young-- Chelsea Hightower (my favorite gal dancer). She is the one paired with him. Watch out Chelsea---whatever you do...don't ever say, "I love the way you dance" or even give him a smile and tell him he's doing a great job---because I can guarantee you-- he'll be in love with you by the end of the season. Oh and wait...Aren't you a freaking pilot? How many vacation days does an airline pilot get? Do you even have a job? Rumor on the street is he's a limo driver and not a pilot. I guess the head gear for a driver and a pilot look sorta similar and I suppose you can call driving a humongous car around "flying" but really??? What's the deal? America... If he hasn't annoyed you yet...just you wait---you'll be in tears and he'll be in tears in a few minutes.

A few things I'd like to point out is ---ABC is listening to me. First, they select Kate Gosselin, then they get rid of Samantha, and did you all catch what else they did??? They cut the couples list down from like 17 to 11!!! woo hoo! Now that's more like it! What else would you like to see change. I apparently have some pull in that area. My next mission is getting the back up singer fired! One mission at a time folks. ONE-MISSION-AT-A-TIME!

Another interesting tidbit...you'll notice quite a few of our resident dancers are gone, too.
Karina...FINALLY!
Lacey...It's about time!
Jonathan...there isn't a sickly on this season so naturally he was left out.
Dmitry...when he ruined it for Maya---I knew his DAYS were numbered!

So my dear sweet readers---Welcome back. This season will be spectacular. I just know it!

Back and ready for action,
Len-da Isa-ba