Hey friends...let's jump right into it this week--because the time is short and there is much to say.
As always--General Observations and Intro first.
1. Nice to see that Brooke finally has a long dress on. True, she can pull off anything...including a trash bag---but needless to say, I think she got my message.
2. My boy Maks finally decided it was time to look at the camera and not only that but give ME a little signal. Now America can finally know he's mine...ALL MINE.
3. It was so lovely to not have to see EYE HEART YOU from Kate this week. Good riddance! I'm sick of your unnecessary drama and tears (although we have a new resident cry baby---Nicole---more on her later.)
4. And the new winner of most annoying camera span moment...is PAM. She irritates me beyond belief with those stupid looks she gives.
5. Finally---HOLY MOLY---a hurricane must have roared through the set and blown off all the buttons on the men's shirts!!! What the heck was going on last night?!? My first thought was...well naturally--the rest of the group feel confident in bringing their chests out to play when Maks is all covered up in tux (but since we all know how it ends up for Maks...I'll just stop there!) Still...those buttonless shirts are just weird.
Now on to the dancing...
1. Jake and Chelsea-
Quick note...Chelsea is rumored to be dating DWTS very own Mark Ballas. Not sure I saw that coming...but hey...go for it.--Now about Jake---Golly Gee---Pavelka
The moment they announced Jake was first I said (out loud and to myself since the hubby was working) "Five bucks he falls"--Let's just say...I should have bet more! A quick aside...for those of you who know me...you can all attest that there are 3 things in life that are sure to get me to bust out loud laughing. (Close friends...this is the part you list them out loud before I give the answer)--Got your 3? Good. For the rest of you, they are:
1. When people fall (old, young---doesn't matter...I laugh EVERY TIME)
2. When kids fight (over toys, over stuff--doesn't matter--it cracks me up)
3. When we have any sort of clothing malfunction (a zipper open, a skirt tucked in pantyhose...doesn't matter---I'll laugh for just about anything of that sort)
Now for the record, I'm not proud of myself for laughing at any of the said things...but it's the truth and well...I had to say it. Now, knowing that...you can understand why I must have Jake stay on longer! I get a sure laugh every time he dances! EVERY TIME! America...do your part and give a preggo woman a good laugh...Vote for buttershoes... oh and one last thing...how that fool manages to get three 7's when he falls every time is beyond me. A fall is hardly worth a 21.
2. Evanna-
Please please please take that beanie off when you rehearse. I'm sweating just watching you. AND HOLY FREAKING MOLY what the heck was Anna thinking trying to back flip him? He's twice her height... My goodness, I swore that guy broke his neck. I cringed and grunted at the constant replay of the darn fiasco. That injury alone deserved some great scores for the judges this week. Sadly, those horrible excuses for human beings showed no mercy to our little cripple. I can agree just a tad that his samba was a bit balletic...but still, he was much better than Jake---because he---with a concussion and everything...still managed to do the whole dance...WITHOUT FALLING!!! Horrible, inconsistent judges. HORRIBLE! Glad he was okay. uggh still thinking about that crash landing and cringing as I type.
3. Niecy and Louie-
A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G!!!!! I'm over her and her type of comedy. I get that you're trying to be the funny "fat" chick...but it's not working for you. She strikes me as the type of girl that can make fun of her weight day and night and then the minute one person makes a comment back to her---watch out the claws (not the ones on her eyes---I know it gets confusing) come out and strike. I would hardly call that dance comedic...in fact, I agreed with Carrie Ann (for once last night---that she didn't need to include that). A few more notes about the reactions and comments from Louie and the judges regarding the cookie bit at the end. Did Louie actually say as he stuffed his face with food...that "now I know what she feels like." HUH??? Are you implying that Niecy does that? Tsk tsk tsk...that was uncool...however going back to my first comments...when you constantly make fun of yourself for loving food---you open up that gate that says, "I give the rest of the world permission to make comments about my weight!" Don't believe me? Well, then...let's take a look at what Lenny boy said to her, "It's obvious you're an enthusiastic eater!" --Translated that means--"Hey you fatty--it's obvious you can't stop eating based on your size and weight!" Oooo boy...she'll regret opening up that bag of chips...(I had to use a food example...I just had to.)
4. Maks and Erin--
Maks my dear, lucky for you...I've been interested in opening up an institution--you can be my first and only patient. I will nurse you back to health (and that's not a literal comment about nursing...don't go there folks). Now about the dance---I must admit, although, I loved the strip tease...I just knew Len would have a cow. I knew it! What I didn't know...was that Maks would get so snippity with him. Threw his shirt at him? (well...whatever was left of it)--then interrupts Len to point out that the audience loved it! Easy honey...we need those judges whether you think so or not. I have to admit...although my vote is always and forever for MAKS...I'm not terribly impressed by them. Don't get me wrong, they are one of the better couples...but I'm still waiting for that DANCE that will take my breath away. And Erin...please just shut up and do what Maks says, okay? Until they give me that amazing dance...I'll just have to settle for Maksy taking my breath away!
5. 85 and Cheryl-
This is normally the part where I hit the mute button and catch up on my much needed nap---I'm so over them, that I really can't even say that I watched their segment. I did hear Cheryl tell him to man handle her...oh brother...after that comment I secretly wished they would get all tangled up together and fall...HARD. But...their dance was one of the better Tango's of the night. But who really knows... I was washing dishes during their part.
6. Nicole and Derek-
waaaa waaaa waaaa---she's either crying..or whining or making up something to be dramatic about. I'm so done with her---and with that Captain Stubbing jacket she was sporting. Steve must have let her borrow it. (sorry folks...that joke is strictly for Cerritos College readers). Len, did manage to get back into my good graces when he brought Nicole back down a few notches. However, I fear she might cry because of this!!! Oh and another sure bet on DWTS is that Brooke will mention her hay day on the show during the aquarium segment...and ching ching ching...I win again!
7. Pamien-
I noticed that our little vixen is not as annoying in rehearsal as she is on performance night. I wish she'd just be herself and stop trying to be funny with the sexual innuendos...it's so cliche! "I prefer to be on top!"---okay okay...we can all watch your numerous scandalous videos if we want to know those kinds of details about you. Just shut it and dance. Her dance was okay--some good parts some bad.
THE SWING DANCE MARATHON---sheesh...3 minutes and all of a sudden we call it a marathon. I loved how Jake (who was soooo quick to say, "Golly gee, I didn't even give that lift my full power!") was the first to be tapped out of the competition! HYSTERICAL. But had the judges given him a little more time on the floor...we would have seen a fall...I'm sure. Darn it...robbed of a good laugh! Who else could have bet money Nicole would be the winner...so predictable!
Well folks..the prediction for me for tonight is:
Bottom 3--Jake, 85, and Niecy
Hoping 85 or Niecy go first!
Until next week...
Keep Dancing,
Len-da Isa-ba
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Week 5---Movie Night
Hey folks...
How thrilled was I that instead of finding filler for 2 whole hours--ABC got smart and just made it a 90 minute show. Good call. The show was jam packed with critiquing goodness...so let me get right to it.
Have I mentioned how much I'm loving this season? I truly am. The cast of characters they've got is a blogger's dream.
Some general comments on the Intro-
1. Does Brooke Burke ever wear a long gown?--Yeah she's got good legs...but it's a little strange to me that they don't dress her in the long formal gowns like they did Samantha. I guess it's truly out with the old and in with the new. Samantha who? is what I say.
2. Len's shirt was awful.
3. Our resident bad boy and Mr. causes Len-da's heart to pitter patter was once again too good to look at the camera. I love that! He's just too darn busy and too darn important to look America in the eyes. You go...Maksy...it works for you.
4. Seriously Kate...is it necessary to do the whole point to my EYE ---heart---you-- to the camera when your entire gaggle of kids is sitting in the audience??? I didn't actually see them---I think she's legally bound not to have them on camera now a days...but I know they were in town with her this week.
Next up...the Dancing...or walking in some people's cases.
1. Niecy and Louie-Okay...I'll give it to Niecy---she had some funny lines last night--BUT I'm still sticking to my guns and saying...It's time for her to retire those horrendous eyelashes and sit out the rest of the season. She's too much. Too much eyelash...too much boob...too much loudness...TOO TOO MUCH. When she mentioned how she wears herself out...all I could think was---you wear yourself out? Shoot...you wear us all out! I did notice that she made a very big deal about not being able to fit in between Louie's legs and well...yeah that's true and funny---but notice how when the actual dance came on---they had reversed the role and had Louie go in between her legs. HYSTERICAL. I must admit I'm totally with Len on this one. There was a lot of bazooka shaking but not enough hopping around. Louie was literally prancing all over the place and she looked like she was being weighed down. It must be those darn eyelashes again.--I felt the scores were fair. Her days are numbered folks...yes they are.
2. 85 and Cheryl---Okay seriously is anyone else over him and his love proclamations to Cheryl? Quite frankly I never found it amusing but now it's just total overkill. If he would just cut all that out--I'm sure I'd like him. He's not a horrible dancer, he has some good moves and can keep rhythm but that whole "kiss me Cheryl, I love you Cheryl, here's a ring Cheryl" is really annoying--even to Cheryl---She didn't look amused at all last night. He can go too...and he just might.
3. Maks and Erin-"The whole week according to Maks"---AS IT SHOULD BE! Even though, the world knows my feelings for the guy--I have to be true to the blog and say--the love quarrels during rehearsal look a tad rehearsed and made up to me. Come on...it's just a little hard to believe. There...I said it...now I can move on to the dance. I wish I could say it was UMA-lievable---but it was just good. I think the scores could have been a tad higher but all in all, I think it was fair. I was very worried about using that menu at the beginning as a prop---when will these dancers learn that Lenny boy just ain't digging the prop business. Did you all notice that last night Maks made history? It was the first time I ever saw him with his shirt buttoned?!?! Not the kind of history I need him to make--but whatever. Oh and did I catch a little kissy kissy at the end before we broke for commercial between MY Maks and Erin??--well now... that little kissy kissy...made me very pissy pissy!---Watch it missy missy-the claws are out!!!
4. Jake and Chelsie---boy oh boy...have I got a lot to say on this one...bear with me. First, I think it's important that I mention that today on my way in to work...(at the crack of stinking dawn) he was being interviewed by MYFM (104.3) and I just caught the tail end of it--but one of the questions asked was, "Are you now more comfortable in front of the camera?" And his response was, "Well, yeah but I think that also has to do with the fact that I was a child actor!!!" Apparently, he appeared on like 2 episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger --for all you Chuck Norris fans out there--as little Chuck Norris in his flashbacks. Then he added that he changed his career to flying planes (a likely story) because acting is really hard and he can make a lot more money being a pilot! OH PAHLEESE!!! Give up the charade...we all know you aren't a pilot---cause if you were really making so much money doing that...you wouldn't have taken more than a year off to pursue this Hollywood lifestyle. In fact, he might need to re qualify to fly a plane when he finally does come back to the big money making career---Seriously--I hardly think that flying a plane is like riding a bike. He's been off gallivanting with women for too too long that I seriously think some re-schooling is in order. I wouldn't want him flying my plane!---BUT ANYWAY---back to the dance--Okay, well, when he said that people tell him he looks like Tom Cruise...the only resemblance I saw is ...they are both ANNOYING AS _________ (you fill in the blank). Doesn't Jake strike you as the type of guy that would jump on couches declaring his love for some chick? Yeah...I could so see him doing that! When that fool came out topless, in skin-tight...and I do mean SKIN TIGHT jeans and a volleyball I was irritated beyond belief. You think that's gonna help your chances with the voters??? No--it won't. But just to be certain---he decides to take his pants off, too...So ridiculous. I thought Lenny would have a cow but that old geezer is losing his touch cause he wasn't as upset about it as I thought he would be. Figures Bruno was the only one having that whole dance in your underwear business. And once again --did you all hear that singer in the background who's obviously going through puberty--crackety crack crack crack...like fingernails on a chalkboard. I didn't think the dance was as good as the judges did. Maybe, it's because he 's awkward or annoying...but the judges loved it...so he might be safe one more week. The last thing I'll say about Jake (for this week) is I'm with Chelsie..."I came in here ready to treat...uh...uh.. this..dan..da...duh.. dance competition as flying an..an...an... airliner but it's more like...areo...air..ba...aerobatics?" HUH??? That dork has the lamest jokes and comments!
5. Pamien-The judges are way too easy on her...WAY. Especially, Bruno. I actually felt this week...she sucked...at dancing that is...(oooo snap). The intro was wayyy to long and where was the quick in QUICKSTEP? I think I noticed some major mistakes and yet, the judges (except Len) were so pleased with her. Yeah..fine...she's good at channeling her character...but isn't this a dance competition first and foremost? YES IT IS! So, who cares if your knockers are the spitting image of Dolly's---let's see you dance for more than 10 seconds. Bruno gave her an 8??? Really??? That man either swings both ways or is losing it!
6. Kate and Tony-Surprise...surprise she's one of the last contestants to go on. WHAT A SHOCKER!--Okay...here it is...I am loving having her on the show because it gives me so much material for the blog---but enough is enough...I can't figure her out. Did she not say last week that she loves being on the show and now she really wants to continue because she's finally having fun??---Does this woman look like she's having fun? I would have much more respect for her if she just said, "Look, I'm horrible but I need the money to support my kids--because unlike my ex...I do work and he doesn't (seriously---why doesn't that fool work?)"--Instead, all she does is questions Tony constantly, needs him to get her excited every time they rehearse, and she's always discussing how she's had a really bad week"---JOIN the club! You think you're the only one with problems? "I don't want to go home..I'm not ready to go home...My kids really love seeing this show and I need to keep dancing for them"---THEN SHUT UP AND DANCE--or at least TRY TO! Sheesh. She definitely took major steps backward this week. She looked bad...BAD...and when she stretches out her arms she looks like she's hanging from a clothes line. I felt her dance was too slow and I didn't get the costume choice at all. Tony should have been wearing grunge and she should have tried to look like Molly Ringwald. CULT CLASSIC PEOPLE! Well, anyway...she ruined that song for all of us--forever. I also saw a clip of her on Jay Leno and she told Jay she has hope that she might win this season? ARE YOU SERIOUS??? I know you have fans...but come on....there is no way that is going to happen! NO WAY! Have your bags packed sister...cause it's only a matter of time.
7. Nicole and Derek-Or should I call them Nicrybaby and De-most annoying ever!
Why is she always crying? I don't get it. She's great. Her dance was great and she's been on top of the leader board or close to the top every week. Stop the waterworks already! And please judges...just keep your panties on and sit while you give your comments, we don't need you to stand and give your remarks...
8. Evanna-Hey there buddy...Justin Bieber called and he wants his bangs back??? heh..heh..heh. I thought they did great! He's officially grown on me. I'm an Evan fan! I knew in time...this would happen. He's always polite, no nonsense...no drama...just silly and witty and well...he always says the right thing. Especially, when he said the only person I'm competing with is myself. That did it for me! Evan...you can gladly win season 10. Although...I still have to give my votes to Maks.---you understand.
My predictions for tonight...
In the bottom 2--Niecy and Kate and Niecy is going home.
Let's see if I'm right.
Until next week....
Keep Dancing,
Len-da Isa-ba
How thrilled was I that instead of finding filler for 2 whole hours--ABC got smart and just made it a 90 minute show. Good call. The show was jam packed with critiquing goodness...so let me get right to it.
Have I mentioned how much I'm loving this season? I truly am. The cast of characters they've got is a blogger's dream.
Some general comments on the Intro-
1. Does Brooke Burke ever wear a long gown?--Yeah she's got good legs...but it's a little strange to me that they don't dress her in the long formal gowns like they did Samantha. I guess it's truly out with the old and in with the new. Samantha who? is what I say.
2. Len's shirt was awful.
3. Our resident bad boy and Mr. causes Len-da's heart to pitter patter was once again too good to look at the camera. I love that! He's just too darn busy and too darn important to look America in the eyes. You go...Maksy...it works for you.
4. Seriously Kate...is it necessary to do the whole point to my EYE ---heart---you-- to the camera when your entire gaggle of kids is sitting in the audience??? I didn't actually see them---I think she's legally bound not to have them on camera now a days...but I know they were in town with her this week.
Next up...the Dancing...or walking in some people's cases.
1. Niecy and Louie-Okay...I'll give it to Niecy---she had some funny lines last night--BUT I'm still sticking to my guns and saying...It's time for her to retire those horrendous eyelashes and sit out the rest of the season. She's too much. Too much eyelash...too much boob...too much loudness...TOO TOO MUCH. When she mentioned how she wears herself out...all I could think was---you wear yourself out? Shoot...you wear us all out! I did notice that she made a very big deal about not being able to fit in between Louie's legs and well...yeah that's true and funny---but notice how when the actual dance came on---they had reversed the role and had Louie go in between her legs. HYSTERICAL. I must admit I'm totally with Len on this one. There was a lot of bazooka shaking but not enough hopping around. Louie was literally prancing all over the place and she looked like she was being weighed down. It must be those darn eyelashes again.--I felt the scores were fair. Her days are numbered folks...yes they are.
2. 85 and Cheryl---Okay seriously is anyone else over him and his love proclamations to Cheryl? Quite frankly I never found it amusing but now it's just total overkill. If he would just cut all that out--I'm sure I'd like him. He's not a horrible dancer, he has some good moves and can keep rhythm but that whole "kiss me Cheryl, I love you Cheryl, here's a ring Cheryl" is really annoying--even to Cheryl---She didn't look amused at all last night. He can go too...and he just might.
3. Maks and Erin-"The whole week according to Maks"---AS IT SHOULD BE! Even though, the world knows my feelings for the guy--I have to be true to the blog and say--the love quarrels during rehearsal look a tad rehearsed and made up to me. Come on...it's just a little hard to believe. There...I said it...now I can move on to the dance. I wish I could say it was UMA-lievable---but it was just good. I think the scores could have been a tad higher but all in all, I think it was fair. I was very worried about using that menu at the beginning as a prop---when will these dancers learn that Lenny boy just ain't digging the prop business. Did you all notice that last night Maks made history? It was the first time I ever saw him with his shirt buttoned?!?! Not the kind of history I need him to make--but whatever. Oh and did I catch a little kissy kissy at the end before we broke for commercial between MY Maks and Erin??--well now... that little kissy kissy...made me very pissy pissy!---Watch it missy missy-the claws are out!!!
4. Jake and Chelsie---boy oh boy...have I got a lot to say on this one...bear with me. First, I think it's important that I mention that today on my way in to work...(at the crack of stinking dawn) he was being interviewed by MYFM (104.3) and I just caught the tail end of it--but one of the questions asked was, "Are you now more comfortable in front of the camera?" And his response was, "Well, yeah but I think that also has to do with the fact that I was a child actor!!!" Apparently, he appeared on like 2 episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger --for all you Chuck Norris fans out there--as little Chuck Norris in his flashbacks. Then he added that he changed his career to flying planes (a likely story) because acting is really hard and he can make a lot more money being a pilot! OH PAHLEESE!!! Give up the charade...we all know you aren't a pilot---cause if you were really making so much money doing that...you wouldn't have taken more than a year off to pursue this Hollywood lifestyle. In fact, he might need to re qualify to fly a plane when he finally does come back to the big money making career---Seriously--I hardly think that flying a plane is like riding a bike. He's been off gallivanting with women for too too long that I seriously think some re-schooling is in order. I wouldn't want him flying my plane!---BUT ANYWAY---back to the dance--Okay, well, when he said that people tell him he looks like Tom Cruise...the only resemblance I saw is ...they are both ANNOYING AS _________ (you fill in the blank). Doesn't Jake strike you as the type of guy that would jump on couches declaring his love for some chick? Yeah...I could so see him doing that! When that fool came out topless, in skin-tight...and I do mean SKIN TIGHT jeans and a volleyball I was irritated beyond belief. You think that's gonna help your chances with the voters??? No--it won't. But just to be certain---he decides to take his pants off, too...So ridiculous. I thought Lenny would have a cow but that old geezer is losing his touch cause he wasn't as upset about it as I thought he would be. Figures Bruno was the only one having that whole dance in your underwear business. And once again --did you all hear that singer in the background who's obviously going through puberty--crackety crack crack crack...like fingernails on a chalkboard. I didn't think the dance was as good as the judges did. Maybe, it's because he 's awkward or annoying...but the judges loved it...so he might be safe one more week. The last thing I'll say about Jake (for this week) is I'm with Chelsie..."I came in here ready to treat...uh...uh.. this..dan..da...duh.. dance competition as flying an..an...an... airliner but it's more like...areo...air..ba...aerobatics?" HUH??? That dork has the lamest jokes and comments!
5. Pamien-The judges are way too easy on her...WAY. Especially, Bruno. I actually felt this week...she sucked...at dancing that is...(oooo snap). The intro was wayyy to long and where was the quick in QUICKSTEP? I think I noticed some major mistakes and yet, the judges (except Len) were so pleased with her. Yeah..fine...she's good at channeling her character...but isn't this a dance competition first and foremost? YES IT IS! So, who cares if your knockers are the spitting image of Dolly's---let's see you dance for more than 10 seconds. Bruno gave her an 8??? Really??? That man either swings both ways or is losing it!
6. Kate and Tony-Surprise...surprise she's one of the last contestants to go on. WHAT A SHOCKER!--Okay...here it is...I am loving having her on the show because it gives me so much material for the blog---but enough is enough...I can't figure her out. Did she not say last week that she loves being on the show and now she really wants to continue because she's finally having fun??---Does this woman look like she's having fun? I would have much more respect for her if she just said, "Look, I'm horrible but I need the money to support my kids--because unlike my ex...I do work and he doesn't (seriously---why doesn't that fool work?)"--Instead, all she does is questions Tony constantly, needs him to get her excited every time they rehearse, and she's always discussing how she's had a really bad week"---JOIN the club! You think you're the only one with problems? "I don't want to go home..I'm not ready to go home...My kids really love seeing this show and I need to keep dancing for them"---THEN SHUT UP AND DANCE--or at least TRY TO! Sheesh. She definitely took major steps backward this week. She looked bad...BAD...and when she stretches out her arms she looks like she's hanging from a clothes line. I felt her dance was too slow and I didn't get the costume choice at all. Tony should have been wearing grunge and she should have tried to look like Molly Ringwald. CULT CLASSIC PEOPLE! Well, anyway...she ruined that song for all of us--forever. I also saw a clip of her on Jay Leno and she told Jay she has hope that she might win this season? ARE YOU SERIOUS??? I know you have fans...but come on....there is no way that is going to happen! NO WAY! Have your bags packed sister...cause it's only a matter of time.
7. Nicole and Derek-Or should I call them Nicrybaby and De-most annoying ever!
Why is she always crying? I don't get it. She's great. Her dance was great and she's been on top of the leader board or close to the top every week. Stop the waterworks already! And please judges...just keep your panties on and sit while you give your comments, we don't need you to stand and give your remarks...
8. Evanna-Hey there buddy...Justin Bieber called and he wants his bangs back??? heh..heh..heh. I thought they did great! He's officially grown on me. I'm an Evan fan! I knew in time...this would happen. He's always polite, no nonsense...no drama...just silly and witty and well...he always says the right thing. Especially, when he said the only person I'm competing with is myself. That did it for me! Evan...you can gladly win season 10. Although...I still have to give my votes to Maks.---you understand.
My predictions for tonight...
In the bottom 2--Niecy and Kate and Niecy is going home.
Let's see if I'm right.
Until next week....
Keep Dancing,
Len-da Isa-ba
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Week 4-Rumba and Tango Time
Hello friends and fans,
Another week of DWTS and another night full of excitement and fun. I'm really loving this season. And from what Tom tells us, so does the rest of America. It's been the most viewed show for the past couple weeks. Woo hoo.
A few things to get us going. I was busting up when they did a recap from last week and showed Buzz blasting off. How ridiculous. I'll sure miss the moon jokes---in fact, if I were Buzz I would have mooned the judges for the horrible things they said to him! BAM!!! Suckers...that would be hysterical.
When I heard that we are going to be seeing the Tango and Rumba all in one night---my immediate thought was, "Oh boy...we better tell Bruno to have a cold shower waiting for him." He tends to get a little graphic and excited after a very passionate dance.
I also think the whole double score business was kind of stupid. I mean really--it's still to early to judge them on both technical and performance. Whatever...I was trying to just forget the whole thing but every 2 seconds Tom mentioned the DOUBLE SCORE SHOWDOWN...okay buddy we get it.
Last general comment about the intro--one of my favorite parts of the show where the camera pans the group...we had a shocking surprise featuring another victim of the forehead flare--first Edyta, then the ridiculous back up singer and now Nicole? Say it isn't so? Then of course we had Kate's usual "I love you kids"--she really should change it up and say, "John--you suck!" or something...Maks of course was too cool to give the camera a look, and then our resident slut, Pam making her sexy and seductive looks... BORING!
I won't even waste my time discussing the ridiculous round table discussion with the judges. That was such a time filler that literally pointed out all the things we already know. For example, Jake has a lot of energy---yeah, which he chooses to channel through crying, Pam is extremely sexy ...uh huh...cause you all encourage that. blah blah blah...
Before getting to the actual dancing---how many of you had money on the fact that Kate was going to be one of the last people to dance. Why? Really...we can get her out of the way first.
Now Dancing time...
1. Erin and Maks---
Now that's what I call a good start. Some of you have sent me links to an article that says that Kate requested Maks as her pro because she felt he was a much stronger personality and she likes strong men. Well, clearly you don't like weak ones--cause your marriage didn't last---But seriously Kate, you wouldn't last one second with Maks---NOT one! He'd have you crying and begging to get off the show quicker than you can say Paparazzi! ANYWAY---I'm not the biggest fan of Erin but I do think she's got potential so I'll try and be easy on her. Oh our poor little Erin...has a horrible backache and I'm sure Maks running toward you and thrusting his body into yours is not helping. Waaaa Waaaa Waaaa--America feels so sorry for you having to work so closely with our resident ballroom bad boy! I like how she said that she doesn't want to complain because the best athletes just press on. You know the real reason she isn't complaining is cause she doesn't want off the show (smart girl). I hate to say it---but they really weren't that good. I expected a little more from her. Fortunately, she was able to tell America her strap got caught in her heel? or some pathetic excuse. My poor Maksy might never get his trophy. Oh oh oh...and Bruno---did that fool really just call Erin's movement flamboyant? Wow---hey kettle...meet pot!
2. Evana--
How the heck does someone rehearse in a beanie. My goodness, I'm assuming it gets hot after all that dancing. This isn't an ice rink for crying out loud. My head would be drenched! They, of course, were great. They did much better than Erin--but then again all Evan has is two little broken toes, while Erin is apparently one injury shy of needing a back brace. Stick some Bengay patches on your back and move on. And another question for the readers...Does anyone else yell, "Sit down Bruno!" like I do? Good work Evana and good scores! Well deserved. No need to break another toe.
Quick comment about pros Kym and Jonathon's Rumba---HOLY MOLY bra and panties. This isn't the Victoria Secret fashion show...put some clothes on sister! Tom gets a gold star for his comment on, "Well folks that was the Rumba---the pros showed you 3 required rumba moves and 2% body fat!!!" HYSTERICAL!
3. Niecy and Louie-
Her freaking eyelashes are way to big and heavy! She can't even keep her eyes open! So these two BFF's get assigned the Rumba aka the DANCE of SEX---ooops I mean love---hot, romantic, steamy LOVE and you want her to think about her brother??? What kinds of sicko are you Louie? That's about all I need to say about that one. Except of course, I'm over her crying. It's not a wise move to cry when you've glued eyelashes of that size to your head. It could be a very dangerous combo-tears + eyelash glue= eyes sealed shut FOREVER!
4. Aiden and Edyta-
He's adorable and he proved it when he asked Edyta, "So you want me to feel you up every time?" Yes, Aiden she does---more than you'll ever know. A note for Edyta...how my dear, do you dance in those ridiculous costumes they give you? A true pro to be able to dance in the scraps of material they throw on her. And once again the Aiden bashing began! I totally felt their dance was believable and I really liked it. Jealous judges...stop hating!
5. Derek and Nicole-
Derek's comment that---"This is my love hand"--I won't even go there...it's way to easy! WAY! You know who Derek reminds me of? Joey freaking Fatone. Do you remember how his face was always in the camera and just being a total camera hog?--That's Derek---and it was annoying then and it's annoying NOW! Stop it. They of course did great---hated her costume (from head to toe) but the best part of their segment was when Bruno asked Nicole for more sex and Tom says, "In-Your-Dreams"---Loved it! I also loved his plug for his appearance on Castle on the all Tom channel. Funny guy! One final thing...I hope this is the last time I'll have to say this, "Brooke and Derek---enough with the reminiscing about the good old dancing days---we're done with that!"
6. Jake and Chelsie-
His T-shirt was stupid. It's pretty sad that it took you 4 weeks to trust your partner and stop complaining---but hey---let's see if you can actually do what your shirt says. If that fool says, "Dog gone it!" one more time, I'll puke. Just as I was loving the cool trick they did on the steps---Bam he slips and stumbles like 3 times. I was dying! I literally laughed so hard! I also, hit rewind so many times that I had an extra bit of funny when I noticed Bruno's reaction to the slips. HYSTERICAL. If you have it recorded go back to 1hr 20min and watch Bruno's reaction. So worth it. Then of course, Mr. Dramatic himself, has to grab his ankle to show us all he's suffering. Then the judges tell him how much they appreciate him attacking the dance....he attacked the dance alright!
7. Kate and Tony-
Let the trumpet sound....hear ye hear ye....and now....the Most Patient Man on Earth award goes to....Tony Dovolani!!!! Sheesh...poor Tony, I bet he never thought when agreeing to be Kate's pro that he'd also have to be her part time therapist. Kate, honey, if life is soooo terrible and stressful right now, perhaps you shouldn't take on this commitment. Our resident, "I'm not a quitter" sure sounded like one last night...with all those, "I can't...I can't...I can't"---well guess what??...we can't ...we can't...we can't...handle much more of your drama chickie poo. Even with all that said...I think all of us can agree she did better. Much better than before, especially that fancy shmancy ending, but still a bit awkward. I can't stand how when the judges are giving her some positive feedback, she mouths thank you. Just say it, it's okay.---no need to whisper. And speaking of judges...they sure threw her a curve ball. "Great job, a lot of improvement, much better" and then 4, 5, 4. That was a tad mean...but also kinda funny. I think she's out this week. Although, I must admit, I'd like to see her on just a wee bit longer. It's good for my review.
8. Cheryl and 85-
So over them trying to get media coverage on their "romance"---it's annoying. Overall, good dance, probably the best he's had so far. However, for someone who is soooo in love with Cheryl--that dance looked way to aggressive and not as slow and seductive as I thought it would be. The feathers were a little much---even for Cheryl who apparently was attacked by one. I also would like to add that I'm a big fan of diamonds...but that ring he gave her looked like a manly Superbowl ring. Ick. I hope he's the one to go. I have no attachment to him whatsoever!
9. Pam and Damien-
Our little Pamster is wanted by the state for not paying 493K in taxes. Tsk tsk tsk. There was a lot of commercials for the 11 o'clock news regarding why Pam's in trouble---so now you know why. I think that's funny how Pam tried to get a little pity from America saying she doesn't have a man in her life right now. Sure you do...this week it's Tommy, next week it'd Kidd, did you lose your schedule, again? Those two seem to be getting quite cozy with one another, I wouldn't be surprised if we have a little love tape surfacing on the Internet soon. But ---even with all that--Pam's rumba was by far the best of the evening! I was surprised. I was also surprised by our cranky gramps Len, saying Pam was a little overdressed for the dance. So funny.
Well guys...that about wraps it up for this week. Next week our show is cut down to 90 minutes!! Woo hoo! Loving that!
My prediction is the bottom three will be 85, Kate and Aiden---and I think Kate goes home. Although...I really hope it's 85.
Until next week---keep dancing!
Len-da
Another week of DWTS and another night full of excitement and fun. I'm really loving this season. And from what Tom tells us, so does the rest of America. It's been the most viewed show for the past couple weeks. Woo hoo.
A few things to get us going. I was busting up when they did a recap from last week and showed Buzz blasting off. How ridiculous. I'll sure miss the moon jokes---in fact, if I were Buzz I would have mooned the judges for the horrible things they said to him! BAM!!! Suckers...that would be hysterical.
When I heard that we are going to be seeing the Tango and Rumba all in one night---my immediate thought was, "Oh boy...we better tell Bruno to have a cold shower waiting for him." He tends to get a little graphic and excited after a very passionate dance.
I also think the whole double score business was kind of stupid. I mean really--it's still to early to judge them on both technical and performance. Whatever...I was trying to just forget the whole thing but every 2 seconds Tom mentioned the DOUBLE SCORE SHOWDOWN...okay buddy we get it.
Last general comment about the intro--one of my favorite parts of the show where the camera pans the group...we had a shocking surprise featuring another victim of the forehead flare--first Edyta, then the ridiculous back up singer and now Nicole? Say it isn't so? Then of course we had Kate's usual "I love you kids"--she really should change it up and say, "John--you suck!" or something...Maks of course was too cool to give the camera a look, and then our resident slut, Pam making her sexy and seductive looks... BORING!
I won't even waste my time discussing the ridiculous round table discussion with the judges. That was such a time filler that literally pointed out all the things we already know. For example, Jake has a lot of energy---yeah, which he chooses to channel through crying, Pam is extremely sexy ...uh huh...cause you all encourage that. blah blah blah...
Before getting to the actual dancing---how many of you had money on the fact that Kate was going to be one of the last people to dance. Why? Really...we can get her out of the way first.
Now Dancing time...
1. Erin and Maks---
Now that's what I call a good start. Some of you have sent me links to an article that says that Kate requested Maks as her pro because she felt he was a much stronger personality and she likes strong men. Well, clearly you don't like weak ones--cause your marriage didn't last---But seriously Kate, you wouldn't last one second with Maks---NOT one! He'd have you crying and begging to get off the show quicker than you can say Paparazzi! ANYWAY---I'm not the biggest fan of Erin but I do think she's got potential so I'll try and be easy on her. Oh our poor little Erin...has a horrible backache and I'm sure Maks running toward you and thrusting his body into yours is not helping. Waaaa Waaaa Waaaa--America feels so sorry for you having to work so closely with our resident ballroom bad boy! I like how she said that she doesn't want to complain because the best athletes just press on. You know the real reason she isn't complaining is cause she doesn't want off the show (smart girl). I hate to say it---but they really weren't that good. I expected a little more from her. Fortunately, she was able to tell America her strap got caught in her heel? or some pathetic excuse. My poor Maksy might never get his trophy. Oh oh oh...and Bruno---did that fool really just call Erin's movement flamboyant? Wow---hey kettle...meet pot!
2. Evana--
How the heck does someone rehearse in a beanie. My goodness, I'm assuming it gets hot after all that dancing. This isn't an ice rink for crying out loud. My head would be drenched! They, of course, were great. They did much better than Erin--but then again all Evan has is two little broken toes, while Erin is apparently one injury shy of needing a back brace. Stick some Bengay patches on your back and move on. And another question for the readers...Does anyone else yell, "Sit down Bruno!" like I do? Good work Evana and good scores! Well deserved. No need to break another toe.
Quick comment about pros Kym and Jonathon's Rumba---HOLY MOLY bra and panties. This isn't the Victoria Secret fashion show...put some clothes on sister! Tom gets a gold star for his comment on, "Well folks that was the Rumba---the pros showed you 3 required rumba moves and 2% body fat!!!" HYSTERICAL!
3. Niecy and Louie-
Her freaking eyelashes are way to big and heavy! She can't even keep her eyes open! So these two BFF's get assigned the Rumba aka the DANCE of SEX---ooops I mean love---hot, romantic, steamy LOVE and you want her to think about her brother??? What kinds of sicko are you Louie? That's about all I need to say about that one. Except of course, I'm over her crying. It's not a wise move to cry when you've glued eyelashes of that size to your head. It could be a very dangerous combo-tears + eyelash glue= eyes sealed shut FOREVER!
4. Aiden and Edyta-
He's adorable and he proved it when he asked Edyta, "So you want me to feel you up every time?" Yes, Aiden she does---more than you'll ever know. A note for Edyta...how my dear, do you dance in those ridiculous costumes they give you? A true pro to be able to dance in the scraps of material they throw on her. And once again the Aiden bashing began! I totally felt their dance was believable and I really liked it. Jealous judges...stop hating!
5. Derek and Nicole-
Derek's comment that---"This is my love hand"--I won't even go there...it's way to easy! WAY! You know who Derek reminds me of? Joey freaking Fatone. Do you remember how his face was always in the camera and just being a total camera hog?--That's Derek---and it was annoying then and it's annoying NOW! Stop it. They of course did great---hated her costume (from head to toe) but the best part of their segment was when Bruno asked Nicole for more sex and Tom says, "In-Your-Dreams"---Loved it! I also loved his plug for his appearance on Castle on the all Tom channel. Funny guy! One final thing...I hope this is the last time I'll have to say this, "Brooke and Derek---enough with the reminiscing about the good old dancing days---we're done with that!"
6. Jake and Chelsie-
His T-shirt was stupid. It's pretty sad that it took you 4 weeks to trust your partner and stop complaining---but hey---let's see if you can actually do what your shirt says. If that fool says, "Dog gone it!" one more time, I'll puke. Just as I was loving the cool trick they did on the steps---Bam he slips and stumbles like 3 times. I was dying! I literally laughed so hard! I also, hit rewind so many times that I had an extra bit of funny when I noticed Bruno's reaction to the slips. HYSTERICAL. If you have it recorded go back to 1hr 20min and watch Bruno's reaction. So worth it. Then of course, Mr. Dramatic himself, has to grab his ankle to show us all he's suffering. Then the judges tell him how much they appreciate him attacking the dance....he attacked the dance alright!
7. Kate and Tony-
Let the trumpet sound....hear ye hear ye....and now....the Most Patient Man on Earth award goes to....Tony Dovolani!!!! Sheesh...poor Tony, I bet he never thought when agreeing to be Kate's pro that he'd also have to be her part time therapist. Kate, honey, if life is soooo terrible and stressful right now, perhaps you shouldn't take on this commitment. Our resident, "I'm not a quitter" sure sounded like one last night...with all those, "I can't...I can't...I can't"---well guess what??...we can't ...we can't...we can't...handle much more of your drama chickie poo. Even with all that said...I think all of us can agree she did better. Much better than before, especially that fancy shmancy ending, but still a bit awkward. I can't stand how when the judges are giving her some positive feedback, she mouths thank you. Just say it, it's okay.---no need to whisper. And speaking of judges...they sure threw her a curve ball. "Great job, a lot of improvement, much better" and then 4, 5, 4. That was a tad mean...but also kinda funny. I think she's out this week. Although, I must admit, I'd like to see her on just a wee bit longer. It's good for my review.
8. Cheryl and 85-
So over them trying to get media coverage on their "romance"---it's annoying. Overall, good dance, probably the best he's had so far. However, for someone who is soooo in love with Cheryl--that dance looked way to aggressive and not as slow and seductive as I thought it would be. The feathers were a little much---even for Cheryl who apparently was attacked by one. I also would like to add that I'm a big fan of diamonds...but that ring he gave her looked like a manly Superbowl ring. Ick. I hope he's the one to go. I have no attachment to him whatsoever!
9. Pam and Damien-
Our little Pamster is wanted by the state for not paying 493K in taxes. Tsk tsk tsk. There was a lot of commercials for the 11 o'clock news regarding why Pam's in trouble---so now you know why. I think that's funny how Pam tried to get a little pity from America saying she doesn't have a man in her life right now. Sure you do...this week it's Tommy, next week it'd Kidd, did you lose your schedule, again? Those two seem to be getting quite cozy with one another, I wouldn't be surprised if we have a little love tape surfacing on the Internet soon. But ---even with all that--Pam's rumba was by far the best of the evening! I was surprised. I was also surprised by our cranky gramps Len, saying Pam was a little overdressed for the dance. So funny.
Well guys...that about wraps it up for this week. Next week our show is cut down to 90 minutes!! Woo hoo! Loving that!
My prediction is the bottom three will be 85, Kate and Aiden---and I think Kate goes home. Although...I really hope it's 85.
Until next week---keep dancing!
Len-da
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Week 3--Cryfest 2010
Welcome back to another exciting installment of what Len-da thought of the show. Boy oh boy where do I begin??? My pencil was leaving a trail of smoke from all the notes I was jotting.
Let's get right to it.
Intro--
Very uneventful, no near falls or slips but the typical pan across the stars and pros always gets me excited cause I know someone will do something silly or typical. This brings me to...
Kate--we know you have a bazillion kids so no need to constantly remind us and mouth I heart you every stinking time the camera pans across your face.
We also had a nice little treat of having 3 pro couples show us the dances we would be seeing throughout the evening. Did anyone else do a double take on one of male dancers??? I was like...Maks...is that you? No it wasn't. But he looked oddly familiar and so I assumed that guy must be his brother, who by the way is also a pro dancer. Sure enough, it was him. Val Chmerkovsky--it's nice to see that uh--hmmm--talent runs in that family.
We also saw Dmitry, Lacey, and that no name borefest blonde Anna from last season. A nice little touch to show us the proper way to Paso, Watlz, and Quickstep.
Okay...on to the couples
1. Evana- This was the first time that I actually found Mr. Monotone himself quite funny. He might be growing on me. But seriously Evan, if a thick accent is what you desire, you my dear, have been paired with the wrong girl. The only person who can fulfill that simple request is our very own Edyta. I tried to upload my Edyta video for you again and of course it wasn't working so, if interested you'll have to go to the archive and find the Week 4 installment from 2009. It might take a little searching but for some it may be worth it. Back to Evana...I enjoyed the dance and thought the task of telling a story was beautifully and simply done. Good work you two! Good work!
2. Buzz and Ashly-Oh dear, I knew our resident gramps was in for another rough ride when he requested he take a video of Ashly so that he can study the dance steps, first we have dance maps and now videos. Oh boy--poor thing. I definitely enjoyed the walk...I can't quite call it a dance cause well, we all saw him walking but the song was sweet and the story was touching----so for that, I say bravo. BRUNO on the other hand is way to mean to him. Give it a rest you freaking bully! I thought it was very sweet for Ashly to keep whispering things to Buzz after the beating he got from those cranky judges! I was shocked she didn't pipe up and say something nasty. But...she's a professional and she knows the drill. I must admit, I almost want Buzz to leave just so I don't have to see him be torn down by the judges over and over again. Now that I've protected and babied Buzz enough...I do want to send him a quick message. Hey Buzzy---you need to move your hand down a tad okay? You're practically cupping your "daughters" breast as you wait backstage for your scores. Tsk tsk pervie...
3. Jake and Chelsie-I can barely stand to look at him these days. He is so immature. Is that how you plan to communicate with Vienna when your 15 minutes of fame are up and you have to go back to your limo driving job? Walk away huffing and puffing!? Hmm? Is that the form of communication you prefer? It's clear those two are not speaking the right Love Languages to one another! Also, Jake...I realize Chelsie is younger than you and in most cases the whole, "Respect your Elders" business applies--BUT she is the professional here! Not you. Her teaching you, pushing you and demanding you to perform is not disrespectful it's COACHING! GET IT? If you ask me, you're the one that's not showing your teacher respect. You undermine her authority time and time again and I just can't stand that! Anyway, with that said, the dance was cute, I feared there might be one too many props for Len but it seemed to be okay and well received. I'm sick of seeing Vienna in the audience, and finally--HOLY MOLY MAKEUP, Chelsie!!! Me no likey!
4. Niecy and Louie-OKAY OKAY--hold the phone. I realize the whole format of the show does involve some politics. You've got the whole voting business and campaigning for votes from America...fine...okay...but leave your stinking agendas and propaganda at home, okay? This isn't the forum for Prop 8 subliminal messaging, capeesh? But since they started it...I'll try and make my point and opinion on the subject as clear as they did. One man, one woman, one lifetime. I'll let you figure out where I stand. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can discuss a few little things about Niecy and Louie. First off, the way Niecy was going on and on about the whole I would be DEVASTATED if I couldn't be with my boyfriend because of race business---how many of you all thought her man was a white dude?? Yeah so did I. Come to find out...he's not. A little too emotional even for me. That twirl/lift thingie they did was way awkward. I don't think I would have had any idea about the message or story they were trying to convey in the dance had they not cried about it for a good 15 minutes during rehearsal--so I'm not sure they accomplished that challenge---but all in all...it was okay. I really wish Carrie Ann would just judge the dance and not the inner feelings and emotions of every duo. Give it a rest already.
6. Cheryl and 85-Surprise...surprise...Cheryl's story for the dance is that he wants her and she doesn't want him. When did you become that girl? The one that thinks she so good and everyone wants her? 2 trophy balls have gone to her head BIG TIME! I disagreed with the judges completely. I did not find his dancing improved at all. He looked off and weird. I guess I'm ready for the countdown of 85's exit to begin! One quick request let's start the count at 10 instead of 85.
7. Pam and Damien-I find it hard to believe that Pam cried all night long after being in the bottom two? Seriously Pam, that's a little much! I was waiting for the PETA campaign to rear it's ugly head and BAM there it was. Hey...don't get me wrong... I LOVE ANIMALS...they taste good. But really, I don't think anyone, even Bull fighting spectators actually think Bull fighting is okay. BUT WHATEVER...more importantly...my dream and request came true!! Well, sort of!---CHARO--cuchi cuchi CHARO...was on the SHOW! I squealed with delight. She would be an amazing contestant! I'd vote for her any day. I just wish ABC would admit they read my blog. I mean come on...how many of my requests have made it on that show? Too many to count! The Charo subtitles were hysterical! Thank you ABC for bringing Charo on the show. Please please, call her back as a contestant! A quick note about something Carrie Ann said regarding Pam knowing her body! Uh yeah...thanks captain obvious...for pointing that out to us.! She knows her body and so does the rest of the world! And as expected...we had yet another sexual innuendo from Pam backstage..."I want to keep Doing it...and doing it...and doing it..." It's not cute. It's stupid! It's a family show missy... No surprises with that one.
8.Edyta and Aiden--First, Aiden's little girl was too stinking cute! Second, did I actually see Edyta eating cake? No, I didn't. It was an optical illusion. I saw a plate and I saw a spoon, but not actual cake---so just in case your eyes played tricks on you, too. You didn't see what you thought you did. Okay...now about the dance. Who could freaking even concentrate on it with that horrible rendition of Train's Soul Sister screeching in the background? I think a couple of my windows shattered in the process. Couldn't that singer bring the notes down an octave or 12...yikes. It literally made me cringe. Clearly, it also put the judges in a sour mood (popping an eardrum will do that to anyone) cause they still seem to be Aiden haters. Geez guys...he's not that bad! BUT that song...WAS!
9. Erin and Glutenous MAKSamus--(how is it I never called him that before...it seems so obvious!) I know you've all heard that Erin is getting death threats...you all know why, right? A crazy mob of Maks fans feel she's encroaching on their man, that's why!...ease up with the flirting and maybe you won't need extra security! AND no...I'm not a part of or the leader of the death threat brigade, just in case some of you are wondering. I also read an article last week about how Erin claims that Maks has the sweetest smelling sweat. Don't I know it? He just looks like he smells good. Now on to last night's performance. First off, that security shirt he was wearing was hysterical. There was a fake little radio on the shoulder, too! Uhhh.. Maks honey, that's not the security Erin needs, okay? I agreed with Len...when the music started and the dance began, I literally said, "Are they ever gonna start the Waltz?" 10 minutes of fluttering around like butterflies was annoying! I also didn't really appreciate the whole blindfolded business. What's the story? Another hidden campaign against peeping Toms? (Ha...that was funny. I crack myself up.)
10. Kate and Tony-First off, why is Kate always one of the last contestants to go on? Just get her over with. She's not good and she's not the happiest person to watch. I found it a tad irritating at how she thinks she's the only one being followed around by paparazzi. Well, her and Jake. It was so stupid to see him nodding his head in the background as though he could sympathize about how terrible it is to be in the spotlight---YET both of you chose to do reality shows MORE THAN ONCE! I don't see any of the other stars complaining about the fame? Kate and Jake both love it and they know it. When Kate said to the acting coach that she's not allowed to show emotion I practically threw the remote at the TV! You? Never allowed to show emotion??? REALLY?? really?? I seem to recall quite a few outbursts of anger in crowded stores with your family where you yelled at your husband as though he were a 3 year old! Channel that into your dancing and you'll do better. She was AWFUL. She doesn't even look like she wants to be there. I don't get it. It was just as Carrie Ann said, HARD TO WATCH! I also can't stand how mean she is to Tony. He kept telling her how great she did and she couldn't even take a compliment. I hope she's out this week.
11. Derrick and Nicole-Ease up on the cussing Nicole...ease up. I love how the best dancer on the show has absolutely nothing to whine about so she makes up some ridiculous story that she can tell Derrick is stressed. He didn't look stressed to me? It's clear she took a few lessons from the other drama queens. If I cry, cuss and complain...I get to go on last and get the most airtime. RIDICULOUS! I was happy Len brought them down a couple notches with that 6--but Bruno giving them a 9 for doing a free style dance instead of a Quickstep---really burns me up!
Well folks...that about covers it for this week. Tune in tonight for Rachel's favorite...Reba McEntire!!! ha ha ha--Rachel hates Reba! I hope she does better than the Beach Boys...those fools need to retire and pronto!
Keep Dancing...
Len-da Isa-ba
Let's get right to it.
Intro--
Very uneventful, no near falls or slips but the typical pan across the stars and pros always gets me excited cause I know someone will do something silly or typical. This brings me to...
Kate--we know you have a bazillion kids so no need to constantly remind us and mouth I heart you every stinking time the camera pans across your face.
We also had a nice little treat of having 3 pro couples show us the dances we would be seeing throughout the evening. Did anyone else do a double take on one of male dancers??? I was like...Maks...is that you? No it wasn't. But he looked oddly familiar and so I assumed that guy must be his brother, who by the way is also a pro dancer. Sure enough, it was him. Val Chmerkovsky--it's nice to see that uh--hmmm--talent runs in that family.
We also saw Dmitry, Lacey, and that no name borefest blonde Anna from last season. A nice little touch to show us the proper way to Paso, Watlz, and Quickstep.
Okay...on to the couples
1. Evana- This was the first time that I actually found Mr. Monotone himself quite funny. He might be growing on me. But seriously Evan, if a thick accent is what you desire, you my dear, have been paired with the wrong girl. The only person who can fulfill that simple request is our very own Edyta. I tried to upload my Edyta video for you again and of course it wasn't working so, if interested you'll have to go to the archive and find the Week 4 installment from 2009. It might take a little searching but for some it may be worth it. Back to Evana...I enjoyed the dance and thought the task of telling a story was beautifully and simply done. Good work you two! Good work!
2. Buzz and Ashly-Oh dear, I knew our resident gramps was in for another rough ride when he requested he take a video of Ashly so that he can study the dance steps, first we have dance maps and now videos. Oh boy--poor thing. I definitely enjoyed the walk...I can't quite call it a dance cause well, we all saw him walking but the song was sweet and the story was touching----so for that, I say bravo. BRUNO on the other hand is way to mean to him. Give it a rest you freaking bully! I thought it was very sweet for Ashly to keep whispering things to Buzz after the beating he got from those cranky judges! I was shocked she didn't pipe up and say something nasty. But...she's a professional and she knows the drill. I must admit, I almost want Buzz to leave just so I don't have to see him be torn down by the judges over and over again. Now that I've protected and babied Buzz enough...I do want to send him a quick message. Hey Buzzy---you need to move your hand down a tad okay? You're practically cupping your "daughters" breast as you wait backstage for your scores. Tsk tsk pervie...
3. Jake and Chelsie-I can barely stand to look at him these days. He is so immature. Is that how you plan to communicate with Vienna when your 15 minutes of fame are up and you have to go back to your limo driving job? Walk away huffing and puffing!? Hmm? Is that the form of communication you prefer? It's clear those two are not speaking the right Love Languages to one another! Also, Jake...I realize Chelsie is younger than you and in most cases the whole, "Respect your Elders" business applies--BUT she is the professional here! Not you. Her teaching you, pushing you and demanding you to perform is not disrespectful it's COACHING! GET IT? If you ask me, you're the one that's not showing your teacher respect. You undermine her authority time and time again and I just can't stand that! Anyway, with that said, the dance was cute, I feared there might be one too many props for Len but it seemed to be okay and well received. I'm sick of seeing Vienna in the audience, and finally--HOLY MOLY MAKEUP, Chelsie!!! Me no likey!
4. Niecy and Louie-OKAY OKAY--hold the phone. I realize the whole format of the show does involve some politics. You've got the whole voting business and campaigning for votes from America...fine...okay...but leave your stinking agendas and propaganda at home, okay? This isn't the forum for Prop 8 subliminal messaging, capeesh? But since they started it...I'll try and make my point and opinion on the subject as clear as they did. One man, one woman, one lifetime. I'll let you figure out where I stand. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can discuss a few little things about Niecy and Louie. First off, the way Niecy was going on and on about the whole I would be DEVASTATED if I couldn't be with my boyfriend because of race business---how many of you all thought her man was a white dude?? Yeah so did I. Come to find out...he's not. A little too emotional even for me. That twirl/lift thingie they did was way awkward. I don't think I would have had any idea about the message or story they were trying to convey in the dance had they not cried about it for a good 15 minutes during rehearsal--so I'm not sure they accomplished that challenge---but all in all...it was okay. I really wish Carrie Ann would just judge the dance and not the inner feelings and emotions of every duo. Give it a rest already.
6. Cheryl and 85-Surprise...surprise...Cheryl's story for the dance is that he wants her and she doesn't want him. When did you become that girl? The one that thinks she so good and everyone wants her? 2 trophy balls have gone to her head BIG TIME! I disagreed with the judges completely. I did not find his dancing improved at all. He looked off and weird. I guess I'm ready for the countdown of 85's exit to begin! One quick request let's start the count at 10 instead of 85.
7. Pam and Damien-I find it hard to believe that Pam cried all night long after being in the bottom two? Seriously Pam, that's a little much! I was waiting for the PETA campaign to rear it's ugly head and BAM there it was. Hey...don't get me wrong... I LOVE ANIMALS...they taste good. But really, I don't think anyone, even Bull fighting spectators actually think Bull fighting is okay. BUT WHATEVER...more importantly...my dream and request came true!! Well, sort of!---CHARO--cuchi cuchi CHARO...was on the SHOW! I squealed with delight. She would be an amazing contestant! I'd vote for her any day. I just wish ABC would admit they read my blog. I mean come on...how many of my requests have made it on that show? Too many to count! The Charo subtitles were hysterical! Thank you ABC for bringing Charo on the show. Please please, call her back as a contestant! A quick note about something Carrie Ann said regarding Pam knowing her body! Uh yeah...thanks captain obvious...for pointing that out to us.! She knows her body and so does the rest of the world! And as expected...we had yet another sexual innuendo from Pam backstage..."I want to keep Doing it...and doing it...and doing it..." It's not cute. It's stupid! It's a family show missy... No surprises with that one.
8.Edyta and Aiden--First, Aiden's little girl was too stinking cute! Second, did I actually see Edyta eating cake? No, I didn't. It was an optical illusion. I saw a plate and I saw a spoon, but not actual cake---so just in case your eyes played tricks on you, too. You didn't see what you thought you did. Okay...now about the dance. Who could freaking even concentrate on it with that horrible rendition of Train's Soul Sister screeching in the background? I think a couple of my windows shattered in the process. Couldn't that singer bring the notes down an octave or 12...yikes. It literally made me cringe. Clearly, it also put the judges in a sour mood (popping an eardrum will do that to anyone) cause they still seem to be Aiden haters. Geez guys...he's not that bad! BUT that song...WAS!
9. Erin and Glutenous MAKSamus--(how is it I never called him that before...it seems so obvious!) I know you've all heard that Erin is getting death threats...you all know why, right? A crazy mob of Maks fans feel she's encroaching on their man, that's why!...ease up with the flirting and maybe you won't need extra security! AND no...I'm not a part of or the leader of the death threat brigade, just in case some of you are wondering. I also read an article last week about how Erin claims that Maks has the sweetest smelling sweat. Don't I know it? He just looks like he smells good. Now on to last night's performance. First off, that security shirt he was wearing was hysterical. There was a fake little radio on the shoulder, too! Uhhh.. Maks honey, that's not the security Erin needs, okay? I agreed with Len...when the music started and the dance began, I literally said, "Are they ever gonna start the Waltz?" 10 minutes of fluttering around like butterflies was annoying! I also didn't really appreciate the whole blindfolded business. What's the story? Another hidden campaign against peeping Toms? (Ha...that was funny. I crack myself up.)
10. Kate and Tony-First off, why is Kate always one of the last contestants to go on? Just get her over with. She's not good and she's not the happiest person to watch. I found it a tad irritating at how she thinks she's the only one being followed around by paparazzi. Well, her and Jake. It was so stupid to see him nodding his head in the background as though he could sympathize about how terrible it is to be in the spotlight---YET both of you chose to do reality shows MORE THAN ONCE! I don't see any of the other stars complaining about the fame? Kate and Jake both love it and they know it. When Kate said to the acting coach that she's not allowed to show emotion I practically threw the remote at the TV! You? Never allowed to show emotion??? REALLY?? really?? I seem to recall quite a few outbursts of anger in crowded stores with your family where you yelled at your husband as though he were a 3 year old! Channel that into your dancing and you'll do better. She was AWFUL. She doesn't even look like she wants to be there. I don't get it. It was just as Carrie Ann said, HARD TO WATCH! I also can't stand how mean she is to Tony. He kept telling her how great she did and she couldn't even take a compliment. I hope she's out this week.
11. Derrick and Nicole-Ease up on the cussing Nicole...ease up. I love how the best dancer on the show has absolutely nothing to whine about so she makes up some ridiculous story that she can tell Derrick is stressed. He didn't look stressed to me? It's clear she took a few lessons from the other drama queens. If I cry, cuss and complain...I get to go on last and get the most airtime. RIDICULOUS! I was happy Len brought them down a couple notches with that 6--but Bruno giving them a 9 for doing a free style dance instead of a Quickstep---really burns me up!
Well folks...that about covers it for this week. Tune in tonight for Rachel's favorite...Reba McEntire!!! ha ha ha--Rachel hates Reba! I hope she does better than the Beach Boys...those fools need to retire and pronto!
Keep Dancing...
Len-da Isa-ba
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