Week 3 Review

Hello fans---no time to waste.

First off, let me just say that I've had a few select friends ask me why I harbor so much anger and resentment toward Samantha---let me address this quickly.
Her strengths:
1. I will never say that Samantha isn't beautiful---cause she is.
2. She has a good body (but she needs to lay off the weights just a bit)
3. She has good hair and good clothes (But---so would any of us if we had her job.)

My issue with her is she sounds like a man and she's a horrible interviewer. Her questions make no sense, she isn't quick and she isn't witty---she just doesn't have that natural, easy-going feel that Tom has. It's a weird mix. Tom doesn't miss a beat. He fires back comments to the judges, he comes up with silly jokes in between the other mumbo jumbo---but Samantha comes across as trying wayyyy to hard to be funny, clever, and quick and her trying is futile cause she usually doesn't succeed at being any of those things. But---because my readers like Samantha---I'll try to lay off. I'm not promising anything---but I'll try. So---now that I've settled that--we can move on.

I know you all saw Gilles fall down the steps. This is the 3rd week and the third little slip we've witnessed. So, my dear friends, I think it's safe to say this "so called" new and improved staircase is my new favorite thing on the show! HYSTERICAL! I couldn't stop laughing. I could just imagine someone rolling all the way down the steps (like our very own little Leo---that's for Suzy). I'm waiting patiently for that ambulance to arrive for that accident. It will happen. Just you wait!

Next--Crazy Hairrrrrina. What the heck was up with Karina's hair? Well hello there Ms. bad perm. It was awful. She looked awful. And of course that made me happy.

And speaking of awful---the music last night was atrocious. Eeeks---the songs selected either didn't go with the dances or the musicians sounded weird singing them. All around bad!

Now on to the dances:

Denise and Maks-
Her hair looked like a rat's nest. I think she let her daughters play with it before her performance. She still looks unbelievably awkward out there. Her timing was way off and she knew it. Of course Maks (who showed us that he's very secure in a dress---as he should be--and that he has a little sense of humor--I never doubted you honey!) rocked it out there but while doing that he completely out danced her and it showed! While the judges were scoring---you can see Denise's bulging vein on her forehead about to burst! Watch out folks...she's gonna blow! I thought Carrie Ann and Bruno were right on and Len was wayyy too easy on her!

My favorite part of the whole Maks and Denise thing...besides Maks of course...was Tom questioning Carrie "hairy" Ann's ability to accurately see what really went on due to the very new and very thick set of bangs she sported. Gotta love Tommy! Speaking of Tom, I noticed he was holding the microphone but not using it. So pointless. Just as I figured... a stupid prop.

Sorry guys...my "trying" is over! I'm sure you all noticed that Maks thinks Samantha sucks at interviewing, too because he flat out mocked her during her questioning---that's my man!

Chuck and Julianne-
Well, he did look a tad feminine in the performance so I guess he did well, right? He had some pretty good moves, he looked much more comfortable out there. So far, I'm happy to see the two haven't called it quits but she's very competitive so let's cross our fingers their relationship makes it through this show. I felt the judges comments were very fair. I also thought it was pretty amusing to see Bruno say, "I actually started to see you Danth." Nice lisp buddy! Once again---I'll avoid the obvious zinger here---Bruno with a lisp...too too easy! Well, folks---I think Chuck is proving to be a competitor---go Chulianne!!!!

I did notice something during the Samantha "borefest"erviews---that no one really listens to what she's asking--they basically use that time to schmooze the audience and fans watching and say what they want. Sammy should just hand over the prop mic and say---"Is there anything you'd like to say to your fans?" Really...I would if I had nothing clever to say (which of course would never happen).

Good golly you're awful Holly and Dmitry-
She's way too skinny and frail. She looks like she's gonna snap in two. During her shimmy sessions I was afraid one of her boobsters would come flying out! In fact, I think there were entirely too many references to her boobs. When a gay guy goes there...you know it's too much. But I did hear she calls the "gals" Hugh and Hefner (after all...he did help pay for them---okay that's a lie but it was funny---Eat your heart out Samantha!) And what a punk her partner is...way to throw her under the bus Dmitry. Tom said it best and quite sarcastically (I might add) when he said "Holly can now be assured that Dmitry doesn't want Jewel back" Good going newbie...good going!

Steve-O and Lacey-
beep beep beep beep beep beep beeep beeep---sorry I couldn't stop cussing...no wait---that was Steve-O. Poor guy, he's trying so hard and he's still having trouble. I never thought this guy would take this show so seriously. He started out great and then one mess up after another, then he got frazzled, nervous, and hurt again! My goodness Jackass! You jump off of buildings, let cars run over you, taze yourself, shoot bean bag guns in your stomach and you can't handle DANCING?!?!? What the beep beep beep beep beep beep beep? --But seriously, I felt bad for him. He tried so hard and he gen-U-EYEnly looked like he was in major pain (yes, I'm making fun of the way Carrie Ann said the word genuine.) And on the making fun of Carrie Ann note...I couldn't stop laughing at the fact that she thought she was holding up the "You Rock" sign which is also considered the devil's sign to some-- but instead she was holding up the "I love you" sign. Marlee Matlin must have been so confused. heh heh heh. Comedy---pure comedy!

Oh and Lacey besides that horrid unflattering dress---don't ever call Steve-O babe again! He's not your boyfriend! Okay Julianne and Chuck!

LT and Edyta "Smoking body" Slavinska (who cares how you spell it)-
LT---how adorable are you?---giving up your golf game to get the dance just right. And I believe it paid off tremendously. That man's got some moves. What's up Emmett Smith? Samantha made another boo boo in the red room. She said, "I guess it was worth giving up your golf lesson for those scores."---Uhhh excuse me...golf lesson?? no...golf game! Tsk tsk tsk...open your ears girl and focus!

Shawn and Mark-
My dear friend pointed out that when Shawn talks the only part of her face that moves is her lower jaw. Why don't I just prop her on my knee and practice the art of Ventriloquism. Just watch. That aside...she did beautifully. She's definitely doing well. She also listens to her partner and judges and applies the tips they have to offer. Man oh man is this girl trained! Well guys, I have yet another Samantha blunder to report---sorry guys... I guess this wasn't the week for me to try and be nice to her. I just loved her question, " How is dancing different than gymnastics?" REALLY??? You can't tell? Oh brother! And then Shawn's response was, "Well in gymnastics I do flips and here I dance" Did you all see what Samantha did after that?? Let me refresh your memory. She said, " Uh yeah, of course"--a tad annoyed at the obvious answer. You want a better answer...ask a better question.

Gilles and Cheryl-
Not much to say here. They did great. Cheryl definitely likes Gilles and let's us know it. In fact, Carrie Ann said it best when she said, "She hasn't seen Cheryl like this for a while"- Well, that's because she actually stands a chance this season! Did I hear Bruno refer to Gilles as a red, hot, throbbing something??? I really didn't catch the last word cause I was cringing the whole time! Oh Bruno...calm down.

David Allen Grier and Kym-
He did a great job but he has to know he won't be this season's winner. He hasn't really done anything to stand out---other than be funny. I really need Carrie Ann to stop making references to her "In Living Color" days---Okay 2 snaps up...Let me give you a bit of advice. The star of In Living Color does not remember a back up dancer! LET IT GO!
The hundredth mistake Samistaka made was when she called David a Tony winner and sadly he had to correct her and say, "Nominee"---way to go Sam...way to go.

Steve Whoa-zniak and Hate-tina-
Give it up buddy. He actually thinks he has a shot. I mean...look at the torture he's putting himself through. Karrrrina doesn't really care that he's hurt...she's faking---she's secretly hoping this humiliation comes to an end. Okay and precisely at 1 hour and 21 minutes I saw this butt on my screen...did you see it??? well, you did...only you might have noticed that this butt was really just a close up of Steve's leg bent at the knee...My mouth dropped and I was convinced it was something else. Rest assured folks...it was just his leg. It was very funny though. --Did anyone else think that? Come on ...admit it. Oh dear and that worm....that dreadful little worm he attempted. Painful to watch. Karina blew the ending on purpose...she wants out. She threw herself on the ground. She'll do anything to be out of this commitment. and you know what missy---I'll do anything to mess up your commitment to Maks. The judges were right in what they said about him but my goodness---they were way harsh. I know, I know...I'm pretty brutal myself---BUT at least I have the decency to put it in writing and not say it to his Gazillion dollar face! heh heh heh. He's a good sport and he's rich. He'll be just fine once he's voted off...just fine.

Who does that back up singer think she's fooling---we know that crap you put on your head are all necklaces...all of them. I don't think I'll be mentioning her again. It's not even a surprise anymore. Just know---every week...when you see her..I'm one angry gal!

Melissa and Tony-
Since when does a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader have a cubicle? Isn't your office the gym or the field? Anyway, during the dance, I noticed some fools walking on the brand new and improved staircase---ooops caught-cha! She is a natural. They did very well and Tony is just beaming that he finally has a partner that is going to go far. They didn't care for Carrie Ann saying "Dancing obviously comes naturally for you"---comment did they?---well who are they kidding?..it does come naturally for her. She may not have ballroom danced before---but she is a natural. What? You don't know how to take a compliment anymore? Did our Bachelor ruin that for you, too??

Lil Kim and Derek--
Trash---total trash and Kim's pretty sleazy too! ha ha Seriously, the one thing those 2 have in common is the same eyebrows. A question--is that thing on Kim's lip a real mole, a fake mole, or a lip piercing? I swear that thing moves around. Moley Moley Moley! Oh my goodness and now for the best part of the whole entire evening!!! Did you all catch that while they were getting the scores in the red room Lil Kim jumped too much and her nipple pasty was showing?!?!? Please tell me you all caught that? Oh my goodness. Then as if that wasn't enough---Derek flat out cupped her breast.---well cupped isn't the right word cause his hand isn't that big...I guess we'll say he rested his hand on the boob whose pasty was visible. You know who else noticed---his co-stars behind him. They were busting up. Julianne brought it to their attention...HYSTERICAL!!!

Ty and Chelsea--
It's official. I love this guy! Wouldn't it be great if he won? The underdog! It's too bad Chelsea fell but he handled it perfectly! He kept going and didn't mess up much which surprised me. I tried to vote for him and it was busy busy!

Last night was a good episode but if I had to listen to one more phallic innuendo from Bruno I was gonna wretch!--I know you heard them, too. Bruno--enough is enough okay!

Until next week---
Keep Dancing...

Len-da