Week 2--A week of improvements

Hi friends,

This week was definitely a week of improvements over all.


Let's begin with some general observations.

1. Lil' Kim's hairdo gives the phrase Helmet Head a whole new meaning. She looked like Princess Leah and Darth Vader's love child. My word.

2. I noticed they spruced up their scoring paddles. Glitter huh? They must have had some left over from Melissa's tramp stamp glitterification last week.

3. Cheryl almost ate it coming down the stairs this week. Last week it was Shawn, this week it was Cheryl---mark my words--someone's taking a tumble down those steps this season and you can bet I'll be waiting and ready to rewind over and over again.

4. Does Steve the Nerd really have to wear pink all the time? It's so not flattering on his Tweedle Dee/ Tweedle Dum body.

5. I noticed Steve-O and his horse teeth were missing---let me guess another injury. I also noticed that Lacey really has lost a lot of weight. I'll admit I'm starting to get a little tired of these "injuries"--wimps. The moment I heard, "We'll reveal what happened to Steve-O later on in the show"-- I basically sat back and expected to hear about him the last couple minutes. Come on ABC---you're not fooling us on that one again.

The Dancing...

1. Holly and D'mtry--She claims they feel like total strangers and she needs to get to know him better. Here's a thought Holly---if you're interested in breaking the ice with D--why not take him to the playboy mansion or show him some of your pictorials---that will definitely take away the, "I feel like total strangers" feeling. Just a thought. Anyway--her dance wasn't that good and I felt her scores were entirely too high. She was dragged around and trying to catch up to D'mtry the entire dance---that deserves an 18? Really? Oh and her annoying giggle---yeah that needs to stop.

2. David Allen Greer & Kym--The needing subtitles for Bruno and the impression of Bruno were priceless. Bruno, however, disagreed---he was a little snarky with funnyman Greer. Oh well, get over it. I felt his scores were way to low. He did way better than Holly---WAY better!


3. Denise and Maks--What is up with her?? She looks way weird! You know what else was weird?? The fact that Maks had his pants pulled up to his man nipples. What the heck? You know I'm the first to say that man can get away with anything, usually, but those pants...yikesarama---I blame Karina. How can she let him go out like that? I would never allow my man to look that foolish on or off TV---EVER! I hate to say this but I need Denise to stay on a tad longer so she can do what she does best---ruin relationships. Come on sweet cheeks...you can do it. If you broke up one of Rock and Roll's longest marriages (Locklear and Sambora) you can do this!

A quick comment to ABC---please refrain from putting Karrrina in the direct shot in the green room while other contestants are getting their scores. I don't want to have to look at her if I don't have to. She can wait outside.

4. Belinda & Jonathan---Okay first off---did you all catch that Tom used my pun. Where are my royalties baby?? I so said, "Will Belinda dance as if Heaven were a place on Earth?"---Our sense of humors are so similar--obviously we make a much better duo than him and SaMANtha. Oh and Jonathan...are you a professional dancer or a trained counselor? All that mumbo jumbo about feelings and expressing yourself, showing your personality---blah---Just teach her to dance and GoGo get that trophy (Tom, don't be stealing my GoGo get the trophy comment or you're dead). Bruno showing Blah-linda to dance and saying you gotta go for it, go for it...go go go---what a nutzo! My face was priceless---as I'm sure yours was, too. One final thing about Belinda---she looks a little Priscilla Presley to me and that worries me...what's up plastics? Ooops I got personal, Belinda---care to call on another session with Dr. Jonathan the current Smooth Champion. Okay I lied...I have one more thing involving Belinda but it's really a comment against my nemesis--Samantha-poo. Thanks for offering to hold Belinda while she gets her scores. I know something you can hold---Your breath for an hour!

5. Ty and Chelsea--You want them to quick step? Geez Louise, they couldn't even high five properly at the beginning of their dance. I was immediately worried after that blunder--BUT much to my surprise he did great! He definitely used that new "concentration" face Chelsea taught him---that or he was in total shock that he was actually pulling this off. Have I mentioned?-- I officially like Ty. I want him to hang around a while. He's so sweet. What was up with Bruno saying, "It's better, but Ty---you are still made of hardwood."---Hardwood??? Whoa there Bruno---you know what--- I won't even go there---it's way to easy.

6. Shawn and Mark-- She's cute, real, honest about how silly she feels shaking it, and positive. I like all those things. During rehearsal I was starting to think ...hmnm maybe Mark should be the girl and Shawn could lead him--but over all they did pretty great. I think she's way to precise in the way she moves...typical gymnast mentality-- it's all about "Oh no...I hope I don't get a tenth of deduction for my little errors"---Let the brainwashing continue. The dance itself...well, I think she could have shook it more...for sure. And I agree with Bruno---she needs to be more notey (naughty) much more notey (naughty) ha ha.

7. Steve and KaRRRRina--Oh dear! I'm so embarrassed watching him. He looks---hmmm---how can I say this...he looks---uh...different. No social skills---he's unbelievably awkward. A word to the costume folks---no more suspenders for him okay?---So not flattering. It was nice to see the end of the awkward dance reach completion with Karina's bottom hitting the ground. woo hoo. I'm shocked and appalled that they gave David Allen Greer the same score as him. David was much better---he was robbed. You can hope for change all day long---you were robbed buddy.

8. Julianne and Chuck--I loved that he called Derek a girl. LOVED IT MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW. He's super adorable and it looks like they are enjoying themselves--but as I was watching the performance I thought...hmmm--he doesn't look feminine enough--which worried me because I knew by that fact that the judges wouldn't like it. After 8 seasons---you know what they do and do not like. Wouldn't you agree?


9. LT and Edyta--That chickie can wear a burlap sack and her body still would rock. Dang--she looks amazing! Anyway---LT is hard core and he did a great job. Good for him.

10. The Steve-O announcement, ladies and gentlemen, only took 1 hour and 21 minutes of show time. Geez--all that fuss. So he fell on his mic pack and is currently sitting on an inflatable donut cushion watching his fellow competitors. I think I summed up the "big news" about his injury in less that 60 seconds.

HOLD THE PHONE--There are official DWTS rules?? What official rules?--They so make this stuff up as they go along. As for the dance we saw during dress rehearsal--- I had no idea what dance they were doing--Bad sign!

11. Lil Kim and Derek--The stretch for her was to be prim and proper this week huh?---Well, that should definitely pose a challenge for this ho. She's anything but prim and proper. If you think I'm being too hard on her--let me remind you of the "slutty strip moves" she showed Derek during rehearsal. Oh yeah, that will definitely give you points in elegance and grace. I'd like to bring attention to Lil' Kim's body for just one moment---I've never seen buttocks that can be mistaken for breasts---my word. Get that girl a butt bra. I mean geez louise she's an hourglass in every sense of the word. I guess that's not a bad thing but I felt I must make mention of it. After watching her dance---I must admit she did look more refined and elegant than I thought she would be. But still---she's Lil' Kim---who showed up to some award show years ago with nothing on but pasties. No no no...

12. Melissa and Tony--Choo Choo---Keep riding that 15 minutes of fame train honey cause it's working for you. Milk it for all it's worth while you can, cause you can bet your bottom dollar that once this is over, that's the last we see of her. Especially with a new Bachelorette already cast for next season. She definitely is a great competitor, looks like she's having a total ball out there, and brings it to the dance floor. She'll be a good one to watch. Many of you have expressed that you think she will go all the way. Well, it is possible---but I'm sticking to my guns. I think Julianne and Chuck take it home this year. My winning prediction streak is over anyway because of that wretched Misty May--so if i lose---ah well. I don't have any money riding on it. Let me conclude the Melissa section by saying, "Was I the only one who was completely and utterly disturbed by Len admitting she had him gyrating on his seat?" Ewwww thanks for the visual Lenny. Thanks.

Sidenote #1---So right around 1 hour and 47 minutes I start to think---Oh my goodness. Is this going to be the first night without our African queen and her outrageous forehead displays and then BAM--possibly the biggest one I've ever seen catches my eye. It looked like a piece of foil taped to her head. Good griefage---what on earth are you trying to do here? If you hate your forehead so much---cut yourself some bangs but I implore you---stop the madness!

Sidenote #2--I noticed Melissa was wearing a ring on her left ring finger backstage---is our poor heart broken rejectee---already engaged to someone else???--3/4 of her entire appeal to America is that she was dumped on national TV---if she's already moved on and engaged--she'll lose the votes. Watch. Just watch.

13. Gilles and Cheryl--Okay buddy...really??? Is it necessary to take off your shirt for Cheryl (who apparently is a doctor for the show now) to inspect your shoulder?? Let me guess, that's the only way she could properly examine that what you have sore muscles---who doesn't?---give me a break! As for the score---it was like clock work--- 9...9....9---cue Cheryl jumping on her partner. Sooooo predictable.

Well friends, that concludes it for this week. I'm thinking Steve the Computer guy will leave us tonight--It's time for Whorrina to leave anyway. It really is.

Until next week---keep dancing.
Len-da

Another day...another injury...

Apparently Steve the Nerd has a fractured foot. Don't worry fans---he's cleared to continue competeing. Thank goodness!

I guess the doctor knows it's only for one more night anyway. heh heh heh

I couldn't help but chuckle when I heard the news about this so called injury that (dare I say it?) almost took him out of the competition. I immediately thought of Karrrrrina "makes me want to drink some" Smirnoff rejoicing at the possibility of getting a new and improved partner for the competition---WELL HA missy! No doing! You will just have to deal with leaving the competition early on---and the rest of us ---celebrate!

I'm excited for tonight!