Week 5 Review---Wake up INCONSISTENT JUDGES!

Okay first off---let me just say, unfortunately I have no video for you all to view this week. My very sweet and very talented camera man (Mr. Isai) was working at his real job (not his fake camera man job) and so I was not able to get another video out for you all. But, I think it's safe to say---you'll have a video next week. I have a couple ideas. I hope it's worth the wait.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way---I'd like to start off with some general comments and observations.

1. Week 5 and we have another star trip on the steps. This one, I almost missed. Julianne had a teenie little slip right before the camera panned on to the next couple. I noticed most of the dancers and stars have realized the danger of this grand staircase and tread very lightly coming down. If you recall, the first couple of weeks...we had very bouncy stars just bursting out of their shoes coming down those stairs...now ---not so much. I think the contestants need to seriously get some cleats for that grand entrance.

2. Have any of you noticed they crazy things people choose to wear during rehearsals? It's insane. I'm not talking about the obvious Edyta leg warmers---I'm referring to the sweaters (while dancing---hello--sweat city), or the scarfs, the freaking blue jeans! and let's not forget the flowy shirts over the bras...weird weird stuff. It's so strange. Just pay attention.

3. It's official---Carrie Ann and Bruno annoy me! Bruno especially. He has always irritated me but I guess before, I must have been distracted by my Maks--so I let it slide--but since he departed so quickly this season I now have nothing to look at but bRUIN-o my night! He needs to be stopped. That BruNO one likes you has really struck a nerve with me this season. But, believe it or not...he's still better than Samantha. He's that judge I love to hate----Samantha---still can't interview.

4. The judges have their favorites (Melissa, Jilles, Shawn and Lil Kim) and so the rest of the crew should just give up now.

Now on to the dances:
1. Chulianne--I felt they improved from last week. I also felt Chuck or as B"rude"no calls him...Check had his pants painted on. Yowzaaas! I felt Bruno and Len gave fair scores but Carrie Ann on the other hand, (obviously couldn't see through her lion mane hair) because she was way off in her scores with him. And this was the first time all season and probably the last that I agreed with Bruno. Carrie Ann is the annoying one...not Check's dancing! I have to mention the "down on bended knee" comment that Samantha brought up in the red room. I will admit that for a small moment, I thought Chuck was gonna ask Julianne to marry him (the good old fashioned way---on TV)---but I soon realized it was just a part of her choreography. You know Samantha was probably thinking of what to say about it and then felt so witty in coming up with her comment of " was that bended knee showing us that you're one step closer to that commitment?"--What the heck Samantha---I think they've been dating a whopping 5 months or something. Chuck's answer was perfect--"No". Julianne put on a good face but I don't think she appreciated Samantha's comments or Chuck's quick "No"---
Samantha---"I think this is what they call a comment that...BACKFIRES." Nice try---try again.

2. L.T. and Edyta- The only thing I like about this couple is Edyta. Sorry, L.T. but you're so focused (or as Edyta would say faackused) on winning that it doesn't seem like he's even having a good time. It really turns me off to him. I was hoping they would give him good scores just to lighten him up a bit but---still no success. It's obvious the judges have their favorites and there is no getting them to change their mind about it. Poor, poor Edyta---no discoball trophy for you this season. Maybe season #26.

3. Shawn and Mark---Nice outfit---NOT---that was so unflattering (it made her manly back look way more manly in that V-cut tassel thing) She looked like she was 45 not 17. Eeks. Their dancing was good but Carrie Ann is very inconsistent in her judging. Are you the lift police or not? What's up with the (and I quote) "I'll let the other lift go because it worked with the dance." What?--I believe the other lifts people do also work with the dance...you moron. But instead we allow her to continue to dock points off other contestants for lifts---while others are okay because now she feels like it. Oh brother---I'm done with her.

4. Melissa and Tony-The moment I heard Melissa say, "It is so hard for me to be serious" I couldn't help but go back to that final after the rose ceremony on the Bachelor where she was "surprisingly dumped" (to this day---i think that whole breaking up on TV thing was soooo scripted) anyway---I laughed because she wasn't believable then trying to be serious and I highly doubted she could do it now. But much to my surprise she did keep a pretty serious face for most of the dance. ---About the dance---you might all remember that the Paso Doble is my absolute favorite dance and she didn't do it justice. She wasn't on her moves, she looked shaky out there. She wasn't precise or aggressive enough. They judges kept saying how difficult the routine was---well, I don't recall seeing any fancy footwork in the choreography like Maks used to give us. Paso Doble Dance + Maks = Best routine EVER!
Anyway--I thought her scores were bogus! Once again, proving my theory that these judges have their favorites and carry them through. One final thought, similar to that stupid backup dancer and her hair necklaces---I'm over the added glitter to Melissa's tramp stamp. OVER IT!

5. David Allen Grier (DAG) and Kym "crazy eyes" Johnson-- Correct me if' I'm wrong but were they not doing the Viennese Waltz? What's up with the Paso Doble face DAG??? Wrong face buddy---wrong wrong face. That little kick he did on the steps at the beginning was okay but his landing was awful. He looked like the 'I've fallen and I can't get up" lady. Overall, I felt like they did a good job. I think Bruno's comment about the--"you look like a dog by a lamp post comment" was once again very rude and uncalled for. DAG was not happy about that! Poor guy--give him some 8's already. He's a good sport and was once again robbed of some good scores. He did way better than Melissa but you'd never know it if you saw the scoreboard!

6. Jilles and the new homewrecker of the season CHERYL---Do you know why Jilles brought his son with him to rehearsal? It's Mrs. Jilles wife's way of reminding Cheryl that he's MARRIED! HE HAS A FAMILY! I'm telling you...something is not right with Cheryl these days. What's up with her low tops during rehearsals? Every single shot has her in something low cut. They did an excellent job and I loved the fancy foot work but I don't think it was totally necessary for Jilles to be dancing sans bollero jacket. Goodness gracious! Call me crazy but even though the dance was excellent---it wasn't perfect so thank you Len you old fart...from the bottom of my heart for being REAL and not being blinded by his sweaty bare chest! As for Bruno---SIT DOWN YOU CLOWN and keep your mouth shut!

7. Steve-O and Lacey-- Bless his heart---he's trying but he's no good. He can't keep up with her and he looks like he's always off. Let this be a lesson to you kids out there---This is a direct result of alcohol and drug abuse. It's nothing to be messed with. I hate how the judges baby him. I mean come on...they are so hard on L.T---so hard on DAG and then they are so sweet and loving with Steve-O---they are either afraid Steve-O will crack under pressure or they're a tad racist. Hmmmm something to think about!

8. Ty and Chelsie-- They are so funny together. I love the way they work off one another and it's obvious they have a good friendship. Unfortunately, the judges were right...he's way too stiff. WAY WAY too stiff. I hope he stays. I also loved the "it's like having a bull named Dancer" comment back to Samantha's dumb comment. He's pretty witty and clever. Come on Samantha---a dance about a bull fight and riding a bull are basically the same?--really? ughghhgagah

9. Little Kim (I refuse to call her Lil) and Derek--I have to admit our little ghetto jailbird is pretty good. She even got a standing O from Bob Sagot---that's something to write home to your inmates about! She did confirm something I had been suspecting all along...she's nuts. The drawing on the Buddha board sealed the deal for me. And let me ask you all this...since when is the Viennese Waltz described at sassy and sexy---uh excuse me...shouldn't that dance be elegant and graceful. Aye that Bruno...he's so inconsistent, too!

And I'll close with this one last thought...
Samantha----Buddha boards and Voodoo are not the same thing and they aren't even remotely related. Geez Louise!

Always consistent---
Len-da Isa-ba