Week 4-Rumba and Tango Time

Hello friends and fans,
Another week of DWTS and another night full of excitement and fun. I'm really loving this season. And from what Tom tells us, so does the rest of America. It's been the most viewed show for the past couple weeks. Woo hoo.

A few things to get us going. I was busting up when they did a recap from last week and showed Buzz blasting off. How ridiculous. I'll sure miss the moon jokes---in fact, if I were Buzz I would have mooned the judges for the horrible things they said to him! BAM!!! Suckers...that would be hysterical.

When I heard that we are going to be seeing the Tango and Rumba all in one night---my immediate thought was, "Oh boy...we better tell Bruno to have a cold shower waiting for him." He tends to get a little graphic and excited after a very passionate dance.

I also think the whole double score business was kind of stupid. I mean really--it's still to early to judge them on both technical and performance. Whatever...I was trying to just forget the whole thing but every 2 seconds Tom mentioned the DOUBLE SCORE SHOWDOWN...okay buddy we get it.

Last general comment about the intro--one of my favorite parts of the show where the camera pans the group...we had a shocking surprise featuring another victim of the forehead flare--first Edyta, then the ridiculous back up singer and now Nicole? Say it isn't so? Then of course we had Kate's usual "I love you kids"--she really should change it up and say, "John--you suck!" or something...Maks of course was too cool to give the camera a look, and then our resident slut, Pam making her sexy and seductive looks... BORING!

I won't even waste my time discussing the ridiculous round table discussion with the judges. That was such a time filler that literally pointed out all the things we already know. For example, Jake has a lot of energy---yeah, which he chooses to channel through crying, Pam is extremely sexy ...uh huh...cause you all encourage that. blah blah blah...

Before getting to the actual dancing---how many of you had money on the fact that Kate was going to be one of the last people to dance. Why? Really...we can get her out of the way first.

Now Dancing time...
1. Erin and Maks---
Now that's what I call a good start. Some of you have sent me links to an article that says that Kate requested Maks as her pro because she felt he was a much stronger personality and she likes strong men. Well, clearly you don't like weak ones--cause your marriage didn't last---But seriously Kate, you wouldn't last one second with Maks---NOT one! He'd have you crying and begging to get off the show quicker than you can say Paparazzi! ANYWAY---I'm not the biggest fan of Erin but I do think she's got potential so I'll try and be easy on her. Oh our poor little Erin...has a horrible backache and I'm sure Maks running toward you and thrusting his body into yours is not helping. Waaaa Waaaa Waaaa--America feels so sorry for you having to work so closely with our resident ballroom bad boy! I like how she said that she doesn't want to complain because the best athletes just press on. You know the real reason she isn't complaining is cause she doesn't want off the show (smart girl). I hate to say it---but they really weren't that good. I expected a little more from her. Fortunately, she was able to tell America her strap got caught in her heel? or some pathetic excuse. My poor Maksy might never get his trophy. Oh oh oh...and Bruno---did that fool really just call Erin's movement flamboyant? Wow---hey kettle...meet pot!

2. Evana--
How the heck does someone rehearse in a beanie. My goodness, I'm assuming it gets hot after all that dancing. This isn't an ice rink for crying out loud. My head would be drenched! They, of course, were great. They did much better than Erin--but then again all Evan has is two little broken toes, while Erin is apparently one injury shy of needing a back brace. Stick some Bengay patches on your back and move on. And another question for the readers...Does anyone else yell, "Sit down Bruno!" like I do? Good work Evana and good scores! Well deserved. No need to break another toe.

Quick comment about pros Kym and Jonathon's Rumba---HOLY MOLY bra and panties. This isn't the Victoria Secret fashion show...put some clothes on sister! Tom gets a gold star for his comment on, "Well folks that was the Rumba---the pros showed you 3 required rumba moves and 2% body fat!!!" HYSTERICAL!

3. Niecy and Louie-
Her freaking eyelashes are way to big and heavy! She can't even keep her eyes open! So these two BFF's get assigned the Rumba aka the DANCE of SEX---ooops I mean love---hot, romantic, steamy LOVE and you want her to think about her brother??? What kinds of sicko are you Louie? That's about all I need to say about that one. Except of course, I'm over her crying. It's not a wise move to cry when you've glued eyelashes of that size to your head. It could be a very dangerous combo-tears + eyelash glue= eyes sealed shut FOREVER!

4. Aiden and Edyta-
He's adorable and he proved it when he asked Edyta, "So you want me to feel you up every time?" Yes, Aiden she does---more than you'll ever know. A note for Edyta...how my dear, do you dance in those ridiculous costumes they give you? A true pro to be able to dance in the scraps of material they throw on her. And once again the Aiden bashing began! I totally felt their dance was believable and I really liked it. Jealous judges...stop hating!

5. Derek and Nicole-
Derek's comment that---"This is my love hand"--I won't even go there...it's way to easy! WAY! You know who Derek reminds me of? Joey freaking Fatone. Do you remember how his face was always in the camera and just being a total camera hog?--That's Derek---and it was annoying then and it's annoying NOW! Stop it. They of course did great---hated her costume (from head to toe) but the best part of their segment was when Bruno asked Nicole for more sex and Tom says, "In-Your-Dreams"---Loved it! I also loved his plug for his appearance on Castle on the all Tom channel. Funny guy! One final thing...I hope this is the last time I'll have to say this, "Brooke and Derek---enough with the reminiscing about the good old dancing days---we're done with that!"

6. Jake and Chelsie-
His T-shirt was stupid. It's pretty sad that it took you 4 weeks to trust your partner and stop complaining---but hey---let's see if you can actually do what your shirt says. If that fool says, "Dog gone it!" one more time, I'll puke. Just as I was loving the cool trick they did on the steps---Bam he slips and stumbles like 3 times. I was dying! I literally laughed so hard! I also, hit rewind so many times that I had an extra bit of funny when I noticed Bruno's reaction to the slips. HYSTERICAL. If you have it recorded go back to 1hr 20min and watch Bruno's reaction. So worth it. Then of course, Mr. Dramatic himself, has to grab his ankle to show us all he's suffering. Then the judges tell him how much they appreciate him attacking the dance....he attacked the dance alright!

7. Kate and Tony-
Let the trumpet sound....hear ye hear ye....and now....the Most Patient Man on Earth award goes to....Tony Dovolani!!!! Sheesh...poor Tony, I bet he never thought when agreeing to be Kate's pro that he'd also have to be her part time therapist. Kate, honey, if life is soooo terrible and stressful right now, perhaps you shouldn't take on this commitment. Our resident, "I'm not a quitter" sure sounded like one last night...with all those, "I can't...I can't...I can't"---well guess what??...we can't ...we can't...we can't...handle much more of your drama chickie poo. Even with all that said...I think all of us can agree she did better. Much better than before, especially that fancy shmancy ending, but still a bit awkward. I can't stand how when the judges are giving her some positive feedback, she mouths thank you. Just say it, it's okay.---no need to whisper. And speaking of judges...they sure threw her a curve ball. "Great job, a lot of improvement, much better" and then 4, 5, 4. That was a tad mean...but also kinda funny. I think she's out this week. Although, I must admit, I'd like to see her on just a wee bit longer. It's good for my review.

8. Cheryl and 85-
So over them trying to get media coverage on their "romance"---it's annoying. Overall, good dance, probably the best he's had so far. However, for someone who is soooo in love with Cheryl--that dance looked way to aggressive and not as slow and seductive as I thought it would be. The feathers were a little much---even for Cheryl who apparently was attacked by one. I also would like to add that I'm a big fan of diamonds...but that ring he gave her looked like a manly Superbowl ring. Ick. I hope he's the one to go. I have no attachment to him whatsoever!

9. Pam and Damien-
Our little Pamster is wanted by the state for not paying 493K in taxes. Tsk tsk tsk. There was a lot of commercials for the 11 o'clock news regarding why Pam's in trouble---so now you know why. I think that's funny how Pam tried to get a little pity from America saying she doesn't have a man in her life right now. Sure you do...this week it's Tommy, next week it'd Kidd, did you lose your schedule, again? Those two seem to be getting quite cozy with one another, I wouldn't be surprised if we have a little love tape surfacing on the Internet soon. But ---even with all that--Pam's rumba was by far the best of the evening! I was surprised. I was also surprised by our cranky gramps Len, saying Pam was a little overdressed for the dance. So funny.

Well guys...that about wraps it up for this week. Next week our show is cut down to 90 minutes!! Woo hoo! Loving that!

My prediction is the bottom three will be 85, Kate and Aiden---and I think Kate goes home. Although...I really hope it's 85.

Until next week---keep dancing!
Len-da